Chris Kamara, apologizing to his family, explained how thinking about Gary Speed helped him.
Chris Kamara has gone through some dark times after first experiencing apraxia symptoms in 2020, and the Football Saturday legend says the thought of Gary Speed has helped him open up.
Chris Kamara, apologizing to his family, explained how thinking about Gary Speed helped him.
Chris Kamara has gone through some dark times after first experiencing apraxia symptoms in 2020, and the Football Saturday legend says the thought of Gary Speed has helped him open up.
Chris Kamara says the ideas of his friend Gary Speed helped him get through the darkest times brought on by a rare neurological disorder.
Kamala revealed in June 2022 that he suffers from apraxia, a condition that affects speech, balance, dexterity, and strength. The 24-year-old left Sky Sports, where he played with Jeff Sterling on Football Saturday in <> and went through some difficult times while embracing a new reality.
He has previously admitted that he is "completely in denial" of his situation and that his initial refusal to talk to people close to him made things worse. Kamala dodged and spent a lot of time with his sheep and horses near his house in Wakefield, where he thought of Speed, who committed suicide in 2011, and came to mind.
You know, I'm thinking a lot about Gary Speed," he told the Daily Mail. "He has the best family and friends in the world. A close friend of mine. I don't know why this is happening, but you have to talk to people. I didn't have it long.
"I don't want to be a burden to them," he added. I'm not sure if my problem is dementia, and I've been thinking that in six months I won't know my own child. I wouldn't know my wife. They have to see me at home.
The brain will take you to dark places. I used to run away with the horses to the stable, just thinking,'What's going on?I apologize now to my family and friends. I should open my heart. My wife, the amazing woman, was shocked that I used to think they wouldn't do everything for me. You just need to talk to people. Just do it. I now have my own voice and I want to use it to help anyone in this situation.
In an excerpt from the Mirror's autobiography "Cammy: My Unbelievable Life," published in October, Kamala details his darkest days after his health deteriorated. He wrote, "I am a person who has always wanted to help, provide, love, and nurture those around me. Now I can only see myself as a burden. I used to be a shell of that man, and they would stay and take care of it. Seeing yourself like this is like staring into the abyss. I could never reconcile that image in my head. It's unthinkable.
At that point, I would think,'They would be better off without me. 'I thought of Gary Speed, and then I thought of my own place – a man in his sixties whose best days were behind him due to a brain condition, struggling to move on while being a burden to those around him. Whose wife and children will stay to deal with everything I become.
I don't want Anne and the boys to do that. So how can you prevent it from happening?You remove yourself from the picture. Sometimes, I definitely think it's a way out. If you're stuck in a maze with no sign of an escape route, you'll end up trying something extreme. Especially if you choose to wander through the maze alone.
This is really the key. When I finally started sharing my questions, I began to see that the future might not be so bleak. A world that can exist with me. Hopefully I'll get better, but still be a me I can live with.