Huang is my literary friend, I have known each other for more than ten years, and it was not until not long ago that I learned from her published essay collection that her teenage son died of illness more than 20 years ago. My son had leukemia and suffered for three years before he died.
Because of her son's death and her husband's performance during his son's illness, she took the initiative to file for divorce in the third year of her son's death and has been single ever since.
As a mother, the pathos, despair, helplessness, and pain in it are vividly expressed in her words. I only knew that she was divorced and single, and I never knew that she had such a heart-wrenching pain of losing a child. She never told me, not a word was revealed.
She was in front of me, smiling and sunny all the time. I asked her why she didn't tell me, and she smiled and said that it is wealth when suffering overcomes it, otherwise it is humiliation. The death of my son, the indifference of my husband, are all humiliation for me, what is there to say about humiliation?Even if it's wealth, people are not interested in your wealth, so why bother to be bored?The real suffering is indescribable, and there is no need to say it, digest it slowly, not to mention that I have already digested it completely.
After listening to her words, I respected her even more.
A beautiful female editor I know had a similar experience. She used to have a happy family, and when she was thirty-eight years old, disaster fell from the sky, and her husband suddenly contracted a scabies, and he was sick for eight years. "Ask you how much suffering you can have, just like a river flowing eastward", in the past eight years, the suffering she has suffered has been gushing endlessly.
Eight years later, her husband passed away without shedding a single tear. On the third day after her husband's death, she was already a little old, and she dressed herself up in a flamboyant manner, and even showed a bright smile on her face that had been powdered. This is too contrary to ethics and common sense, and for a while, rumors and gossip flew around, and the central gist was nothing more than that: "This woman has no conscience, her husband's bones are not cold, she is a wave, she doesn't want to seduce a man, it's really shameless!".”
One day, she couldn't bear it anymore and turned around suddenly, and said to a group of people who were talking nonsense: "I'm just shameless, I'm just seducing men, what's your business?."Although it was unbearable, the tone and expression were so peaceful and calm that those people couldn't react for a while, so the rumors stopped and the gossip landed one after another.
She was a woman who loved to dress up, but during those eight years, she suppressed her desire for beauty. Not for fear of gossip, but for fear of her husband's thoughts - the patient's heart is always suspicious and fragile. She always kept a smile on her face in front of her husband and others, and she didn't want her husband and others to see her sadness. The reason why her husband should not see her grief was to comfort himIt is for the sake of dignity that her grief is not seen by others, especially those who are keen to gloat.
The gloating person hopes that the unlucky her will be miserable, cold, and miserable, and at the same time she will be happy to die while pretending to sympathize. The more sad she is, the happier they become, and conversely, the happier she is, the more uncomfortable they become, and they want to drown her with their spit. As soon as her husband died, she wore heavy makeup, not to seduce men, but not to let others see her sadness.
I asked her why she didn't want others to see her sadness, and she said, "Sadness is not a beauty product, you always hang it on your face, you may get a moment of sympathy and pity, but it doesn't help, and over time, sympathy and pity will turn into contempt and discrimination." For me, letting others see my grief is not only a sign of humiliation, but also a sign of vulnerability and immaturity;Not letting others see your sadness is a kind of cultivation and charm. ”
With this cultivation and charm, two years later, she found a new lover and started her happy life again.
Her words resonated strongly with me. The five years from 1998 to 2003 were the most difficult five years of my life: my adoptive father and biological father died of illness one after another, both husband and wife were laid off and fell ill.
After the failure of the second operation, I almost broke down, hid in the bathroom and cried and grieved alone, however, after only one night, I calmed down: my pain can only be saved by my painful self, and once the pain rises to the feelings, it can turn grief into strength and decay into magic.
God is fair, and it is impossible for people to have good luck all the time, nor can they be unlucky all the time, and good luck will be bad luck when it reaches a certain point;Bad luck will be good luck if you fall to a certain extent, provided that you have the ability to fully endure the suffering, and do not collapse at the feet of the turbid waves before the good luck comes.
If you don't put your sorrow on your face, don't talk about suffering, maintain a reserve and nobility in the face of suffering, and always be a strong person in life, then there is no indelible sadness and unconquerable suffering.