If the child is brought too much by the elderly, it will become unfriendly to the motherReally?

Reading guide: If the child brings too much, it will become unkissing to the motherReally?

Just like in our office, 8 of the 10 mothers' children are brought by grandparents, and 2 are brought by grandparents.

So, the most discussed topic in our office is:If the child is brought too much by the elderly, it will become unfriendly to the mother

On this topic, our manager complained to us a long time ago, saying that her daughter is 4 years old, and because she usually has to go out to run business, she has no time to spend with her daughter from Monday to Friday.

At the end of the week, I thought that I would have time to spend with my children and my daughter would be very happy, but it backfired.

When I was with her, the child was always depressed, crying when it didn't agree, and hiding in his grandmother's arms.

The child's behavior made her very sad, and she felt that the child was too old and became unkind to her mother.

Sister Fen asked the manager, your child is so close to your mother-in-law, is it that your mother-in-law follows your daughter in everything and dotes on her?

But the manager saidHer mother-in-law is a retired old teacher, she never dotes on her daughter, and she also trains her daughter very well

I am also a working mother, my daughter is also my mother-in-law, and my daughter also has a period of time with her grandmother, but not with me.

At that time, I also had the feeling of sleepiness of the manager, in order to find out if the child was brought by the elderly, he would become unfriendly to the motherI consulted a lot of books and finally understood why.

It turns out that after babies and young children are born, external exploration is inseparable from the establishment of an inner sense of securityIf the mother cannot give the baby a sense of security, then the child can only obtain a sense of security through other aspects.

ActuallyChildren who are "closer to the elderly" are nothing more than self-selection of a sense of security under "insecure attachment".

Just like my daughter, for as long as she can remember, only her grandmother has been by her side every day, of course she is close to her grandmother, and other people, she basically doesn't know who is who!I made a rough calculation, from the time the child came into the world, my mother-in-law and I were really different in the life of our daughter.

When she was 8 months old, I also traveled to Shanghai for 2 months. The frequency of my appearance in my daughter's world is just the probability of "passer-by", in fact, I was just a passerby to my children at that time.

Therefore, when we cannot accompany our children for a long time, the elderly become caregivers of children and companions for sports and play.

In this case,In order to grow up, children will naturally look for the elderly to establish a stable and lasting attachment relationshipThis relationship is just a natural selection of what the child needs to grow.

First, the quality of companionship is more important to the parent-child relationship than quantity

Although, in the early years of a child's childhood, the companionship of parents is very important for the intimacy between parents and children, but the intimacy of the parent-child relationship is accompanied by companionship timeBut it's not proportional

For example, I know two families, one family is our upstairs neighbor, the child's parents are both office workers, and the family is grandparents with children, but I have observed that the child's father will take the child downstairs to the community to play for a while when he comes home from work every day.

The other family is also my neighbor, but this family is a mother who takes care of the children full-time, and the father has been doing engineering in other places for a long time, because the two children are about the same age, and their children often play together, I found that there is almost no difference in their attachment attitudes towards their parents.

So,Families with more time with each other only have more opportunities to obtain high-quality parent-child relationships, and families with less companionship do not necessarily mean that the parent-child relationship is necessarily poor.

Second, try to spend as much time as possible with your child

If we need to balance work and life, it is of course necessary to work hard, but we can try to go home as early as possible after work and spend more time with our children.

For example, you can play games with your child, help your child take a bath, and tell your child a bedtime story to shorten the psychological distance with your child.

According to my experience, at the beginning, the child may still reject and not adapt to the mother, which requires the mother and the main caregiver to play with the child, first reduce the child's resistance to the mother, slowly establish a good parent-child attachment, and internalize this parent-child attachment into the child's inner sense of security.

When the child's trust in the mother reaches a certain level, the mother tries to be alone with the child.

Third, we should increase communication and exchange with children

We need to let the child understand why the mother leaves her every day, what work she does after leaving him every day, and the meaning of the mother's work.

For example, my friend is a doctor, and although her son is also an elderly person, her son is also very close to her, and she told us that when her son was young, she always went to the night shift. She told her son that her mother couldn't accompany you at night because her mother wanted to heal other sick children, uncles, and uncles. Then his son would nod his head in understanding.

My brother-in-law is a teacher, and I remember when my brother-in-law was a few months old, every day when she went out to work, she told her little nephew that her mother can't play with you at home, and that she goes out to work so that other children can learn and grow better. Grandma plays with you at home, and Mom comes back from work to play with you. The little nephew was crying at first, but after a long time, he didn't chase after him and hugged his mother's big feet and didn't let him go. Now,Although my little nephew is in junior high school, he is still very close to his mother

Don't look at the child's small size, when the child fully understands the meaning of the mother's work, he will support and approve of his work, so that when facing the separation of the mother due to the need to go to work again, the child's sadness will be relatively reduced, and the separation anxiety will be relatively alleviated.

To sum up, so if we have a healthy parent-child relationship with our children,Even if the children and the elderly bring a lot, they will not become unfriendly to their mothers.

Whether the child is here to "repay the favor" or "collect debts", you don't need to look at the growth, you can see it at birth.

When a daughter has menarche, she must tell her child that she will not suffer a loss when interacting with a boy, and there are a few points to pay attention to.