Yang Yang in the kindergarten monitoring is always alone.
Mom, I'm scared to go to kindergarten, what should I do?”
At half past seven in the morning, the autistic boy Yang Yang woke up from his sleep crying on time, and the crying always came with this sentence. It's been almost 2 months since he entered the kindergarten, and Yangyang cries every day to go to kindergarten, and when it comes to kindergarten, what he says the most is "I'm so scared". Because he was afraid of going to kindergarten, Yang Yang even refused to take a bath and sleep, because waking up after taking a bath means going to kindergarten, even if he fell asleep after crying, he would wake up many times in the middle of the night. What is Yang Yang afraid of?Mom began a series of thoughts and actions. Text |Yang Yang Ma Edit |Eyebrows and sand like water
I found out that I had autism after entering the parkMy son Yangyang was 3 and a half years old when he went to kindergarten, because I knew that he was introverted and sensitive, and he was very stubborn about certain things, so I made a lot of preparations in advance in order to enter the kindergarten smoothly. For example, taking early education classes half a year in advance, reading a large number of kindergarten-related picture books, choosing a private garden with fewer people and more teachers, taking him to visit the environment many times before entering the kindergarten, and preparing comforting objects for him to carry with him. On the first day of entering the kindergarten, Yang Yang behaved very normally, although he could see that he was a little scared, but he did not cry, and even told me excitedly when he came back that he learned a nursery rhyme called "Close and Open" in kindergarten. Day 2 was a bit sullen. On the 3rd day, he said he didn't want to go to kindergarten anymore. Anxiety begins on day 4. On the 5th day, the situation took a sharp turn for the worse, and he followed the teacher closely all day, and when the teacher walked away a little, he broke down and cried. At the worst time, he began to say that he was afraid of kindergarten when he saw me after school, that he couldn't play, and that he couldn't eat at ease. In order to resist going to kindergarten the next day, Yangyang began to refuse to take a bath and sleep, even if he couldn't hold back and fell asleep, he would wake up crying several times in the middle of the night, and even before dawn in the morning. Not only that, since he went to kindergarten, Yangyang's temper has become more irritable, and he doesn't know which sentence is not to his liking, he will suddenly **, crying and yelling. Although I know that my child will cry for the first time in kindergarten, and some old parents and teachers have also told me that it is normal for children to be emotional, but to this extent, I still feel that something is wrong. In particular, the child's teacher told me that his crying was different from other children, and that other children missed their mothers, but he hated other people's noise, didn't know where to put things, and didn't want to play with everyone. In order to help my child relieve anxiety, I consulted a psychologist online, and after explaining the situation, the other party suggested that I take my son to the behavioral development department as soon as possible, and she said that my son is likely to have autism. The first time I heard this conclusion, I felt outrageous and shocked, but I also faintly felt that the child was a little different, so I went to Zhongshan Third Hospital without saying a word. After the face-to-face consultation, Director Deng Hongzhu gave a mild autism diagnosis on the spot, and the follow-up ADOS assessment was only 8 points, which was just within the autism spectrum. 
On the high-speed train to see a doctor in Guangzhou.
The child is ignoredWhen I first got the diagnosis, I always thought it was a misdiagnosis. Yangyang usually speaks fluently, logically and clearly, can memorize children's songs and ancient poems, and learns English with animation, and his pronunciation is more standard than mine. Although I don't like to play with children and sometimes I talk repetitively, I have no problem communicating with adults and express my emotions and feelings. How can such a child be autistic?So every time I go to the hospital, I have the idea of asking the doctor to overturn the previous diagnosis. I never told the kindergarten teacher the truth, but the child's fear of kindergarten has not diminished.
What worries me even more is that the attitude of the teachers towards him has gradually changed from being concerned at the beginning to not paying much attention to him. We went to a private kindergarten, and I was able to see the surveillance all the time, and I often saw my son crying anxiously because he was bored waiting, couldn't fit in, and couldn't play alone. But he has a gentle personality, no aggression and destructiveness, except for crying for a while when he is very aggrieved, there is no out-of-line behavior, the teacher does not pay much attention to him, only when he breaks down and cries, he will simply comfort a few words. 
Yangyang: In class, I feel sorry for the children, but I can also understand the teacher. I didn't go to the teacher, for fear that the teacher would think I was too busy and didn't want to see the child. So I asked the doctor again to teach me some ways to help my child overcome boredom and anxiety, integrate into a group, and play alone, so as to relieve my child's anxiety in kindergarten. After listening to the child's condition, the doctor suggested that I should still communicate with the teacher in depth, and if I want to improve the situation, I must have the teacher's cooperation. 
Yang Yang User GuideI had no choice but to bite the bullet and go to the teacher. Before leaving, I consulted some pedigree parents in the group about how to deal with the relationship with the teacher, and found that many parents have the same mentality as me, "the teacher is already thankful that the teacher doesn't look for me". There are also some parents who suggest giving gifts to teachers, in short, they basically have a "begging" attitude - after all, our children are special, and it will indeed bring pressure to teachers. Some people also suggested that I change the kindergarten directly, and I also inquired about the situation of other kindergartens nearby, but calm down and think about it, changing the kindergarten may not necessarily solve the problem, especially the autistic child's adaptability is already very poor, and changing the environment rashly may aggravate the problem. After thinking about it, I made two preparations, learning from the parents in the group how to give gifts Xi while writing itYang Yang User Guide, I plan to move it with affection and know it with courtesy. Without much to say about the gift-giving session, the teacher rejected us on the spot.
Main manifestations
Autism mild spectrum disorder (Asperger's syndrome), normal cognition and IQ, the core problem is social disorder, other complicating problems include mood disorders, rigid thinking, inattention, narrow interests, sensory hypersensitivity, poor balance and coordination.
The main manifestations of social disorders: no active social willingness, poor empathy (not that there is no emotion, but the mind is too simple), do not understand the meaning of other people's behavior and words, and do not know how to talk and play with others, and the social mind may only be one year old. When encountering difficulties, the sense of asking for help is weak, it is difficult to take the initiative to speak about their needs, and it is easy to cry or give up because of this.
Once a child asked him to go to Doudou class, he was very scared, thinking that he really wanted to go to Doudou class, but he didn't know what to do, so he was scared and cried. Another time, a child said that he was asked to go to the house to play, but he didn't know what to do, and he was scared and cried again. The main manifestations of mood disorders: emotions are more extreme, if the emotions of ordinary people are ten, then As's emotions may only be three levels, which are happy, average, and angry, so it is very easy to cry because of some small things. In the absence of stress, he behaves normally, but when he encounters something he doesn't understand or he feels stressed, he is prone to outbursts. The main manifestations of rigid thinking: like fixed and regular activities, fear of change, fear of the unknown, particularly rigid for some things, obsessive-compulsive disorder. For example, if you tell him to put the cup on the table, you have to make it clear which table it is, otherwise he won't know how to put it.
The stool he sat on was taken away and he was very anxious, and the teacher didn't say that Yang Yang came to play, he didn't know that he could play, but if he was called to play, he might think that he could play all the time, and once he was stopped from playing, he couldn't understand it (he didn't understand what it meant to cut in line, and he didn't understand what it meant to take turns, he felt that he was calling him to play, and it was wrong not to let him play). Inattention and narrow interest: that is, there are few things that interest you (I like swings and buses the most), I can't concentrate on things that I am not interested in at all, and I am generally interested in maintaining concentration for a short time, so I often feel bored and don't know what to do. The main manifestations of sensory hypersensitivity: will be sensitive to sound and some tactile sensations (the information processed is several times that of ordinary people), so once the environment is noisy, he is easy to wander or anxious, and the tactile performance is that it is more difficult to wear clothes and wash, and often do not cooperate (every time he washes his hair and bathes, it is the same as a fatal thing, and he does not let me cut his nails), and does not like to be touched by unfamiliar people, such as children, afraid of static electricity, afraid of falling.
He doesn't like to play the school's amusement slide because the slide has static electricity, and there are many children, he doesn't want to help the handrail to slide, for fear of being electrocuted, but he is afraid of being hit by the child if he doesn't help it, so he simply doesn't slip. Poor balance and coordination: Needless to say, this should be seen and the reason why he is reluctant to participate in many sports activities.
What we're intervening in
1.Early Sensory Integration Class and ** Exercise Class: On the one hand, it enhances his body coordination and balance, enhances his confidence in movement, and promotes vestibular developmentOn the one hand, he trains his endurance and concentration. 2.Group social lessons: teach him to recognize and recognize the emotions and behaviors of people in different situations, take him to participate in group games, Xi learn the basic rules of group life (including what is turning, why can't you cut the line, and many other things that other children know or are born to know), and intervene to adjust inappropriate behaviors (lack of concentration, impatience, inability to sit still, distraction, etc.). 3.Home intervention: Strengthen outdoor activities, play simulated kindergarten games with the whole family, and familiarize yourself with social rules.
Matters that I hope the teacher will cooperate with and help you with
1.I hope the teacher can understand his special situation. He really didn't deliberately make trouble or had nothing to do (I know he sometimes got tangled, and the state of repeatedly jumping horizontally is really like deliberately looking for trouble), but there is no social string in his head, and there are some emotional obstacles, in the kindergarten he is not good at in the collective environment, it is easier to be anxious and stressed, so I hope the teacher will be more understanding and patient, and he is very encouraged and praised, so you can encourage him as much as possible. 2.Coping with anxiety about ineffective waiting and free movement. The doctor suggested that you can try to let him take on the role of a teacher's assistant, tell him to ask him to be the teacher's assistant, and at the same time give him more tasks that can help the teacher, such as helping the teacher collect toys, helping the child to carry things, seeing which child needs help, etc., if he can cooperate with the instructions, give him more praise, so that he can be more involved, because the task of the assistant is continuous, it is not easy to be anxious because of idleness.
When playing with toys in free activities, you can give him a specific task, such as drawing a five-page maze, building a super long building block, pinching five clay rabbits, etc., and when he completes these tasks, he can assign the next task, this specific task is not easy for him to get lost. 3.There are reasons for his general emotional outbursts, in addition to the most common ineffective waiting anxiety, as well as stereotyped thinking and social disorders.
For example, when he first entered the kindergarten, he didn't know which stool belonged to him, he didn't know where to put the towels, he didn't know where to throw the garbage, and he didn't understand that the teacher was going to take off his clothes and take them, etc., he couldn't accept this sudden unknown and change. In response to this situation, I hope that the teacher can try to be as clear and specific as possible when giving him instructions, that is, where to put the specific position of the thing, tell him in advance before playing the game that Yangyang will go to the back to line up and wait for the next round (naming his name, not saying his name, he may think he didn't say him), take off the clothes to put ** and finally return him and so on, try to say in advance, say a little more specific, say good or set things as much as possible not to change, he has psychological expectations are less likely to make trouble.
3.Social obstacle is that he doesn't understand what others mean and doesn't know how to deal with it, if the teacher encounters it, help him explain it, tell him how to respond (he was downstairs by me to play eagle and catch chickens with children, in the process others bumped into him, he didn't know why, he felt that people hit him, he broke down and cried, I told him to play games is to bump into, people didn't mean to, he was fine, and then he apologized). 4.Help observe which child in the class is more loving, more inclusive, and willing to play with him, preferably he is not too resistant, can you find a way to guide the other party to take him, or tell me, I will find an opportunity to make an appointment with the other party's parents after class, and let them play together. 5.If time is convenient, it is best to briefly inform me of Yangyang's situation every day, such as crying because of something, happy because of something, just a sentence or two of voice, so that I can adjust and strengthen his behavior more targeted. Although I often watch the surveillance now, after all, there is no sound and it is not so clear, sometimes I only know that he is happy or crying again, but I don't understand the cause and effect, and he himself can't say clearly, so I can't help him correct it.
Swipe up to see more.
Let's focus on the "Yang Yang User Guide", which was originally written to remind me of myself. I'm a social phobia myself, so I wrote myself an outline of a chat to avoid being too nervous about the first meeting. As I write, I think it can be written in more detail, and it can be directly given to the teacher, so that the teacher can understand the child's problems comprehensively and systematically. There are 4 reasons to write this guide and communicate with teachers:
1.Help the teacher understand the reasons for the child's behavior, and he is not deliberately causing trouble2.Let the teachers know that we attach great importance to the child's parenting and are working hard to find out3.For your child's problems, provide some advice from your own or a doctor4.I implore teachers to pay more attention to encourage children and communicate with parents if they have questions。With these purposes in mind, the guide I finally gave to the teacher was divided into three parts, including the child's situation, what I was intervening in, and what I wanted the teacher to cooperate with.
After the formal meeting, my communication with the teacher also focused on these aspects, and at the same time explained in detail the situation of the child in the kindergarten. I made it clear to the teacher that I would always check the surveillance and that the children were crying a lot during their time in the kindergarten, implying that the teachers knew that they were ignoring the children, but also understood that the teachers had limited energy and could not take care of all the students. I also emphasized to the teacher that in order to help them solve the problem, I specifically consulted a doctor. During the whole process, the two class teachers were very cooperative, and they also talked about their anxieties, such as asking about the reason for Yangyang's crying, he always replied "I'm bored", "I don't know what to do", "It's boring", and he didn't want to participate in activities such as reading books and playing toys for Yangyang, which made the teachers not know where to start. Therefore, they expressed their willingness to cooperate with the methods I provided and the doctor's advice. 
You can't be a parent who is too qualifiedThat's it!If you want teachers to pay attention to your children, you can't be too high-quality parents！"In this interview, I talked with the two teachers for nearly two hours, and I felt very sorry for the interruption after class, but after listening to the words of my classmates who have been kindergarten teachers for ten years, I completely changed my concept.
Before meeting the teacher, I found a kindergarten teacher who has been in the industry for more than 10 years, and told her about Yangyang's experience in the kindergarten, hoping that she could give me some advice from the teacher's point of view. She told me that it is routine for kindergarten teachers to ignore their children, and if parents do not communicate with teachers, it is more likely to be the same for another kindergarten.
Secondly, most of the teachers are ordinary people, neither particularly loving nor deliberately bullying children, just asking for the safety of the children and the successful completion of teaching activities. The kindergarten teacher reminded me that teachers generally pay more attention to these 3 types of parents:1.Communicate comfortably and naturally, and get along like friends without pressure2.Actively cooperate with the teacher's work and often participate in the activities organized by the kindergarten3.Always take the initiative to communicate with the teacher about the child's situation。She also mentioned that there are indeed some school teachers who will accept gifts in private, but most kindergartens have strict management, and forcibly giving gifts will only cause trouble to teachers, and it will not make teachers look at your child more, but it is particularly important to take the initiative to communicate. She told me that if you want teachers to pay attention to your children, you must not be too empathetic or too qualified parents, and you can't always think about causing trouble for teachers. She went on to explain that the teacher's energy is limited, and if the parents don't want to trouble her, she will think that you are really not troublesome, and even understand that the parents do not pay attention to the children, so as long as the children do not interfere with the class, they really do not care. And positive and sincere communication (don't be arrogant), even if it increases the workload of the teacher, the teacher will have to pay more attention to the child because of the parents' concern. After listening to the kindergarten teacher's words, I suddenly realized that I also changed my attitude towards getting along with the teacher, from not looking for the teacher if I can, to sending messages to the teacher twice a day, telling them about the child's situation at home, and asking the child if there is any problem. After persisting for a period of time, the teacher will indeed have a greater understanding of the child, will manage the child according to the doctor's method, and will also give the child more comfort and encouragement. As a result, Yangyang's fear of kindergarten has gradually decreased, and he recently took the initiative to tell me that he likes the main teacher and the assistant teacher—it turns out that he only likes the nursery teacher who distributes meals. 
Basking in the sun in the community
Change your thinking and co-educate your homeWhen chatting with other pedigree parents in private, they found that their children went to kindergarten, and many parents were particularly afraid of being found by the teacher, for fear that the child would be persuaded to quit if they caused trouble. But in fact, the teacher's statement that there is no problem can only mean that the child is not interfering with other children, and it does not mean that the child is really fine. Especially for some children with a gentle personality, as long as they don't cause trouble and are not in danger, the teachers usually don't pay attention to it, and naturally they don't think there is anything wrong with the child. Dr. Yuan Qiaoling, Chief Scientist of Rice and Millet, mentioned in her book "Slow Flying Angels Are Going to Kindergarten" that our children do not naturally learn new skills from their classmates when they go to school, nor do they go to school early to adapt to the environment early. If the child's ability is not enough, and there is no guidance and cooperation of professional teachers, forcing the child to go to kindergarten is a waste of Xi time, and even worse, it may lead to the child's rejection of school, bringing more resistance to the child's later schooling. Therefore, after the autistic child enters the kindergarten, parents must take the initiative to communicate with the teacher, put down the "face" and "quality", and actively strive for the teacher'Xi s understanding and help, and it is best to let the teacher also cooperate with the intervention, create the best learning environment for the child, and realize the real home co-education. 
Supervisory reviewRice and millet fusion support supervision.
Longpiao autistic children in the kindergarten integration, in addition to the child's comprehensive ability, the acceptance and support of the environment is also very important, but often kindergarten school teachers lack awareness and understanding of autism, in the face of some problems of the child often do not pay attention to or have more than enough methods to do. In the article, Yangyang's mother did a particularly good job of taking the initiative to communicate with the teacher, and made very sufficient preparations before the communication, clarified the purpose of communication, and formed a text, and made a clear way to the teacher to popularize science and provide methods. As a supervisor with more than 8 years of experience in group classes and integration support, I would like to tell parents:
Proactive communication is very important, and parents must not backlog ideas to avoid small problems in the group from developing into big problems, which will be more difficult to deal with when the time comes.
Communication skills are also very important, it is recommended that parents think about how to say in advance to make it easier for teachers to understand when communicating with teachers, empathize with teachers first, and then express ideas, if you are really not good at communication, try to write letters.
When communicating, give specific methods, give more specific examples, many times teachers lack professional methods.
Communication is also ineffective, don't communicate.
Give up once or twice, we don't rush to say that the teacher can understand once, the process of communication is also the process of understanding and running in with each other with the teacher, the more we communicate, the more we can understand each other's ideas, and the teacher also needs time to understand and digest or verify the advice given by our parents.
When communicating, parents should have a good attitude, avoid communicating with emotions, and not be strong or too weak.
The work of teachers also needs to be recognized, teachers need to be strengthened to try and adjust, and don't just know to give opinions and requests.
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