I gave birth to four daughters, who were called extinct by the villagers, but in my old age I walked sideways in the village
The old lady and her wife Lao Zhuang can be said to be the happiest couple in the village. They are seventy-nine years old, but they are still happy.
I only went to elementary school, but that bit of culture made me love reading. Now approaching 80 years old, I like to read various magazines and ** sent by my daughter in my spare time. I just read a short article talking about which is better to have a boy or a girl. It reminds me of my life, I gave birth to four daughters, and maybe I can have a response to that question.
After graduating from elementary school, I went to my sister's house in the city to take care of the children. After spending a year there, I learned that the Qingdao factory was hiring, so I signed up. For more than three years, I worked there until national policy allowed us to all be repatriated to our hometowns. After some turnaround, I returned to my hometown and started farming.
It wasn't until I was 25 years old that someone introduced me to Lao Zhuang, a young man from a poor family who had never married a wife. He was two years younger than me, but I fell in love with him at first sight. Lao Zhuang seems to be simple, but in fact, he is shrewd and down-to-earth. I believe that living with such a person, although it may be difficult at first, will definitely get better in the future.
On the day of his wedding, he didn't even have any new clothes to wear because of his family's poverty. It was a cold winter, and he borrowed a coat from someone, which was one size larger, revealing the corners of the shabby padded jacket, which was really conspicuous. We became husband and wife in destitute and destitute.
After I got married, I realized that the old dealer was not as poor as I thought it was. He was in trouble entirely because he was the second of three brothers in the family and was often overlooked.
Lao Zhuang's family background is more complicated. He has two older sisters, an older brother and a younger brother, his mother has been dead for many years, and his father has set up a new home in a foreign country, and he no longer cares about everything in the family.
Lao Zhuang and his siblings grew up under the care of his mother and grandfather. Their grandfather was a well-known local doctor, and the family income was acceptable. Although the three grandchildren are all biological, the grandfather is partial to them. Lao Zhuang's eldest brother, as the eldest grandson, received more attention and care from his grandfather, while the other grandsons had almost no status in his eyes.
Because Lao Zhuang is the middle child in the family, he is often ignored, and he is not favored even among his siblings. This is also the reason why he lacks new clothes even for such important occasions as marriage.
The next day, I felt very angry and asked my grandfather for money to buy clothes for Lao Zhuang, but I was refused. I pointed to Lao Zhuang's tattered coat and the clothes of other brothers and asked my grandfather: "Is this what you call 'having clothes'?"Don't you feel ashamed that the bridegroom is wearing such clothes?Do you think this is fair treatment?”
At my insistence, my grandfather eventually gave me the money, and I bought brand new clothes for Lao Zhuang. I was determined to love this neglected old village.
At that time in the countryside, there was no tradition of separating families, and the whole family lived together. However, siblings do not get along with each other, often quarrel over trivial matters, and unfair treatment is particularly problematic. So, after more than a year, I started proposing a separation.
Lao Zhuang has no objection to this, because he thinks that our life will be better after the separation. But except for Lao Zhuang, no one supported me. Grandpa and eldest brother thought that the separation was a shameful thing, and the first proposed separation failed. I was not reconciled, and half a year later proposed to split up again, and this time it finally succeeded.
It turns out that after the separation, each of our families is better off than before.
Under the guidance of our elders, the separation process of our family is relatively fair. At that time, even if I didn't get a lot of share, I was determined to separate my family because it represented hope. Lao Zhuang was lucky, everything he got was okay.
At that time, there was a general shortage of food, and the annual distribution of work in the team was limited, and all three of us were facing a shortage of food and clothing. But the life of the eldest brother's family was much better than ours, because grandpa gave them all the money. This made the little uncle very dissatisfied with his grandfather, but Lao Zhuang and I didn't care, after all, it was the old man's own money, how to spend it, what does it matter to us?
After I got married, because my hukou had not moved to the village for the time being, I often lived in my mother's house, and Lao Zhuang would ride to my mother's house to see me after work. So we rarely lived in our own homes, and we saved a lot of food.
Due to physical reasons, I have not been able to get pregnant. There are all kinds of rumors in the village, but what makes me most angry is that my family is talking about me, especially my concubine, who has already given birth to three children, but slanders me behind my back that I can't have children, which makes me very unhappy. The two of us had a lot of fights because of this, but it was only a verbal argument. She didn't dare touch me because she knew that if she hit me, Lao Zhuang would beat her.
After six years of marriage, I finally welcomed the birth of my daughter. There are also benefits to delaying childbearing, when we have already saved some money. Because we have not had children, our living expenses are not large, we have abundant food, and our savings have gradually increased. Therefore, after the birth of our daughter, our family did not experience much difficulty.
Three years later, I gave birth to a second daughter, and after five years, I gave birth to twin daughters. Every postpartum confinement is carefully taken care of by Lao Zhuang. He worked during the day and took care of us wholeheartedly at night, and although it was hard, he never complained. Many people prefer their sons, but Lao Zhuang is full of joy and joy for his daughter.
In our place, boys are more popular than girls, and some families even go to adopt a boy. Although I had four daughters and no sons, I was advised to adopt a boy, but I firmly refused. My daughter is just as precious to me, why should I go looking for my son?Lao Zhuang also agrees with me, he believes that both boys and girls are our children, and there is no need to blindly pursue childbearing.
At that time, the family planning policy was already in place, so the third and fourth children were fined. Originally, we were living well, but the fine put us in poverty.
Life became tight, especially since there were no sons, and many people began to talk about it. Both the uncle and the uncle have sons, and they talk about it in front of me, and they are proud that we don't have sons, and even say that the family will face difficulties in the future, and no one will sacrifice for them. But I am deeply indignant about it. I firmly believe that the filial piety of children does not depend on gender, as long as children are filial, whether they are male or female, they will be filial to their parents. On the contrary, raising a group of sons may not be useful in the end, and some people raise a large group of sons, and no one is filial when they are old.
Lao Zhuang and I chose not to argue with them, let them talk casually, we will not lose a piece of meat because of this. I was determined to train my daughters to be talented. I believe that my daughter can also be successful. The argument is nothing now, and when we are old, the outcome will be obvious.
In order to repay the fine, Lao Zhuang started a business. He tried his hand at selling wine, fabrics, shoes, etc. Later, we started raising pigs in the village, although it was dirty and hard, but it was easier to earn money than farming, and it was relatively safe.
In order to make more money, we raised more than a dozen pigs. Every morning, the coldest time was four or five in the morning, and we had to brave the cold to feed the pigs and clean the pigsty. If the sow gives birth, it is even more sleepless all night, and you have to accompany the sow to give birth and watch the piglets**. When the price of pigs is bad, we are very anxious, but when the price of pigs is good, we are happy because the tuition fees of our daughters have been settled.
By working hard to raise pigs, we have provided education for our two daughters.
I think that although the life of marrying Lao Zhuang is a bit bitter and hard, he is good to us and makes all the efforts worthwhile.
When I was 57 years old, Lao Zhuang accidentally fell and injured his waist, and we couldn't do heavy work, so we had to give up raising pigs. Relatives helped find a job as a janitor, the third and fourth were in high school, and although the eldest and second were working, they could not rely on them to carry the burden of the family. So, we decided to pack up our things, leave our hometown and come to the city to start a new life.
It was suggested that we should not give our four daughters much education, and that we should marry them when they are a certain age, so that we can enjoy happiness easily. But I don't think so. Education and culture vary greatly, and I myself have little education, so I can only farm or raise pigs at home. Those who are well educated can do mental work, although it is not easy, but at least they do not have to endure our suffering. So, I insist that my daughters get an education and support them in their studies as long as they are able.
After arriving in the city, the factory provided a place to live, although it was a guard room, but the electricity was free, and I was allowed to grow vegetables in the factory yard. Lao Zhuang was in charge of guarding the gate, and I used my time to grow vegetables and sell them at the market. At the same time, in my free time, I pick up waste paper shells and drink bottles on the street, and I also go to restaurants to help peel garlic, onions, and fish, and I am willing to try all kinds of jobs as long as I can earn money.
Later, I got acquainted with a cleaner and learned that his salary was higher than that of Lao Zhuang and his health was fine, so I proposed to their leader to join their team. The cleaning team was short of people, so I was hired. Although the job is very hard, working 12 hours a day, all year round, even on the first day of the new year, you have to clean the streets before you can go home. But I'm not afraid, it's much easier than farming or raising pigs. I started working with joy and hardly any time off because there was a bonus of 100 yuan for full attendance. I will easily pack the scrap I have picked up, and after a certain amount**, this is also a lot of extra income. With the income from our part-time jobs, we two people in our 60s can afford the college tuition of the third and fourth children.
The baby is late, the child is not yet an adult, and we are already old. I gave birth to my eldest daughter at the age of 31 and the third and fourth at the age of 39, so by the time the third and fourth children graduated from college, I was already in my 60s and completely became an old lady.
Although our family has never been wealthy, our four children are very sensible. The eldest daughter volunteered to help take care of her younger sister when she was a little older, as did the other three children. They are sensible and consciously share the housework. My eldest daughter started cooking for me when she was 8 years old. It can be said that since the children are sensible, on weekends or holidays, the housework has nothing to do with me, and no matter when I come home, the children have already prepared the meal and waited for me. More often, they spontaneously helped me feed the pigs and fodder, and never compared their material life with others. Our four children rarely wear new clothes, and only have new clothes during the Chinese New Year, and they usually wear old clothes given by relatives, and they are happy to accept them without regrets.
In the 90s, every family in our area built a new house, but we still live in the old house. Lao Zhuang said that we are not in a hurry to build a new house, but we should use the money in key places and wait for our daughters to have a chance.
Those years were really hard, many people were angry that my daughters studied well and gossiped behind their backs, and most people said that no matter how much they studied, it was useless, and after all, it would fall on someone else's head. I don't want to pay attention to it, it's their jealousy. One of the things I'm most proud of is raising four sensible daughters. On the day of graduation, Lao Zhuang and I finally breathed a sigh of relief, and we two people in their 60s completed our tasks.
The eldest daughter gave us a lot of face after being admitted to university. She entered a good political science and law school, although she only graduated from a junior college, but caught up with the national recruitment of talents, and after graduation, she was assigned to the local people's court and became a judge. Later, in 2005, she passed the bar exam in one sitting. Now that she is the president of the First Civil Division of the County People's Court, the people in the village are willing to consult her on legal issues. Because of our eldest daughter, our reputation in the village is particularly high, and during the Chinese New Year, the leading cadres come to our house in person to pay New Year's greetings.
The second daughter is studying in the same major as her sister, studying for graduate school in Beijing, and finding a job in Beijing with her boyfriend, and now one of them is a civil servant and the other is a lawyer. As a lawyer, my daughter heard that lawsuits are charged by the hour, and her financial situation must be good.
She studied environmental protection and worked at the local environmental protection bureau, and her lover was a high school teacher, and both parents were retired, so we didn't have to worry about them at all.
The fourth child was admitted to the medical university and was assigned to work in the local traditional Chinese medicine hospital. Half a year later, I felt that my level was limited, and I was admitted to graduate school, and the cost of living did not let us worry about it, she said that she had a loan. However, we still funded her living expenses.
Now the fourth child is the best doctor in their hospital, and many people in the village ask her for errands. Someone came to her to see a doctor, ask for medical insurance reimbursement, and even arrange hospitalization. Her lover is her colleague, who works in the People's Hospital and is also an excellent doctor. The two were offered a house below the market price during the last wave of house splits at the hospital.
After working with our four daughters, Lao Zhuang and I were finally liberated. Those who used to gossip have quieted down and have come to us for help. Although we have a high prestige in the village, we are not the kind of arrogant people and we will do our best to help others.
The daughters are very enthusiastic and approachable, trying their best to help the villagers and even give advice. Over the years, several of my daughters have a good reputation.
A few years ago, our four daughters pooled money to renovate our house and bought a house for our old couple in the city, so that we could take turns to live there. As we grew older, we accepted the small apartment that our second daughter had in Beijing, and she suggested that we go to Beijing to retire, but Lao Zhuang and I refused.
I told my four daughters that if we were able to take care of ourselves, we two elderly people would not go anywhere, but would be in our own home, and they would come back to see us often. Even their own daughters can't get together all day, and it's better to keep a certain distance. If it really comes to the day when we can't move, the four of them will arrange everything for us.
After the age of 75, we began to have some difficulties in our lives, and our daughters asked to take turns supporting us. But we still prefer to spend four months in the heated house in our daughter's house, and the rest of the time we go back to our own home. Over the years, I've enjoyed a lot with my daughters. Every year, the daughters take us out on trips, especially the second daughter, because she is more flexible and travels a lot. In the past few years, we have traveled to most parts of China and appreciated the magnificent mountains and rivers of the motherland. The second daughter also took us to South Korea, Japan, Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia and other countries. Every year in July and August, we are out on a trip, and the neighbors know that our daughter has taken us out again.
When we were at home, our three daughters (except for the second one) came back to visit us whenever they had time. Money is not a problem for our old couple, because we don't have any expenses at all, and our daughters buy food and clothing in advance. Even the toilet paper was bought by my daughter.
When the money given by the daughters was saved by me and Lao Zhuang, we had to think about certain things in advance because we were old. If one day we are gone, the children may not know the password, which can cause them problems. We decided to give it to them in advance, keep the rest of the money on it, and write down the PIN of our card and keep it in a safe place in case we need it.
The happiness between me and Lao Zhuang is much better than that of my eldest brother and brother-in-law. My sister-in-law used to make fun of me for not having a son, but since my daughters worked, her attitude has changed.
The sister-in-law gave birth to a son for the first time, and the whole family loved her, but when she grew up, she took a bad path, and finally became a **, and she is still single in her 50s. The two daughters are not well educated and are now working as farmers at home.
Thankfully, my eldest daughter helped my sister-in-law's son find a stable job, and since then, my sister-in-law's attitude towards our family has changed. At the same time, my eldest daughter also helped my niece and son-in-law solve some difficulties, which made my sister-in-law full of gratitude to us.
Although our family used to have a bad relationship, as we got older, our relationship became closer. The daughters often visited their uncles and invited them to dinner.
Since our daughters have helped many people, we often have strangers to help when we go out. These people have a lot of respect for us because of the kindness of their daughters.
Children are dependent on their parents when they are young, and when their parents are old, they are dependent on their children. My daughters are wonderful, filial, and helpful. Today, no one in our village dares to look down on us anymore. For me, it doesn't matter if I have sons or not, the key is that my daughters are excellent and filial. As long as they live better than others and the children have a good life, that is the most important thing.