"You can be dumb throughout the whole process, not talkative, easy to get along, not greasy, the opposite sex will not cross the line, a money is super fast, and you don't exclude ...... when you take pictures of foodThe maximum acceptable is about 200 per person. Such an efficient and accurate personal introduction, from a post on Xiaohongshu squatting "rice pairing", the following said that the comments of "raising your hand" have exceeded 800, which is the hottest new type of social relationship on various social platforms today - hitchhiker social - deeper than colleagues, friends are not full, all kinds of needs and hobbies in life are packaged and assigned to different objects, focusing on the precise companionship of a vertical segment.
Rice pairs and drama pairs with the same taste;Encourage each other to seek to "go ashore" together to learn and Xi;"Bubbling" at work and losing contact with fish partners, even milk tea partners, Sam's partners, fitness partners, nap partners, lovelorn partners and "spelling a knife partner", everything can be matched, only you can't think of it.
Figure Visual China.
After all, lovers or friends may not be able to completely coincide with all their hobbies, and "lapping" is omnipresent and omnipotent, which can not only find partners with similar interests, but also output together at the moment of their own needs, without having to carry the burden of acquaintance socialization and not putting too much emotional value into it. No wonder some people say "you can't fall in love, you can't do without a partner", "a meal partner leaves the job, it's more painful than falling out of love".
It seems that in all moments of life, we can choose companionship and no longer be alone. However, when we look for a "partner" with a clear purpose, and when our common interests or needs no longer exist, and then we are separated from these partners who do not interfere in each other's private lives, can these "light socializations" without fetters, bindings, and responsibilities really make us happier?
It's not a burden, if you can't get along, you won't talk."
In fact, "hitchhiking" is not a completely new concept, it was originally a southern dialect. The Shanghai Dialect Dictionary published in 2007 explains that people who play cards together are extended to partners and people who have the same purpose. In other words, the "mahjong three missing one" in the mouth of the older generation, and the popular online "donkey friends" a few years ago, to a certain extent, are actually a category of partner culture. Further back, it can be traced back to Berlin and Paris at the end of the 19th century, when there were many small salons in the city, where people from different social classes and backgrounds freely discussed academic, art, social and other issues in different salons, and people looked for empathy and understanding in communication, forming a connection between individuals and the outside world.
Nowadays, the word "hitchhiker" has been given a new meaning by the Internet, which simply means the person you partner with in a certain field to meet the social needs but weaken the emotional cost. Compared with intimate relationships such as relatives, lovers, and confidants, "hitchhiking" does not intervene in each other's private lives, which is undoubtedly much easier and shorter, and the advantage is of course "immediate satisfaction", and the efficiency is often beyond your imagination.
Jiang Wan, who is engaged in freelancing, was shocked by the other party's action for the first time, she saw a girl looking for a Xi partner on the Internet, so she sent a private message, and the other party asked directly: "Do you want to make an appointment now?"XX Road XX Park. "Is it so action-oriented......What time is it?My takeaway just arrived, too sudden haha. The other person replied: "I'll be in five minutes." Come over after you've eaten. "Honestly, a little bit of a shock. Jiang Wan recalled to "China News Weekly", but the other party's simple and straightforward giving also had an appetite for her, and she was most afraid that she was just looking for a partner, but the other party was "checking the household registration". After meeting, Jiang Wan felt quite pleasant, and later made another appointment.
Not being able to "check the household registration" is almost the default rule in the hitchhiker world, and they are detailed to more than a dozen self-introductions, only writing down their age, hobbies, what they can do for their partner, and their expectations for the partner, and do not involve deep private information. Hu Penghui, a lecturer at the School of Sociology of Huazhong University of Science and Technology, has been studying young people's social trends and emotions in recent years, and in his view, paying attention to the sense of boundary is the social characteristics of contemporary youth, and the "acquaintance society" culture and emotional thickening deeply embedded in the Chinese character gene are gradually diluted by the new generation.
Some people on the Internet say that if a person asks you what your relationship is with someone of the opposite sex, you just need to answer "rice partner", which is much clearer and clearer than "just friends", which is a categorical denial of all ambiguity and further possibilities.
Drawing energy from social interactions, fighting loneliness, and getting instant gratification without having to participate in each other's lives, the convenience and refreshing "pairing" is simply the secret of happy interpersonal relationships in modern society. In June this year, the topic of "more than half of young people have a 'hitchhiker'" was on the hot search on Weibo, with 200 million readers, and at the same time, there were also topics such as "'hitchhiker' is a new type of social relationship" and "why do young people need 'hitchhikers'". In Xiaohongshu, there are more than 6.51 million notes about "hitchhiking". Douyin's "rice pairing" topic got 74500 million times**, the game hitch "got 62800 million**.
According to the "2023 Pair Social Survey Report" jointly released by DT Finance and DT Research Institute, more than half of the people surveyed have at least one partner, and the proportion of like-minded interests accounts for 83 of the three characteristics that people care about most when choosing a partner3. As for whether it is an acquaintance or a stranger, it does not matter how deep the friendship is. The top two voters with the biggest advantages of social networking are "have the same purpose or need and can help each other" and "have a strong sense of boundaries and are not easy to infringe on private space".
As a result, the camaraderie of the partners is often fixed in the specific context of their partner. A boy who has worked out with a gym partner told China News Weekly that he and his brother, who worked out together, protected each other when using the gym equipment and chatted very happily. But once, they happened to see each other from a distance in the same car of the subway, and they both tacitly pretended not to know each other, as if only in the gym could they get along comfortably.
It's like Lego is assembled again and again, because of the resonance of a certain interest or goal, people form a temporary community and relax at ease. Clear boundaries also inevitably bring about the fragility of the relationship, "there is no burden, if you can't get along, you won't talk." Jiang Wan said.
Therefore, finding a partner is like opening a blind box, because it is impossible to accurately identify the other party's identity, personality and way of doing things, breaking the contract, releasing pigeons, and complaining about being difficult to serve are quite proportional in the posting of various social ** partners. Tsuki, a college student who likes to take pictures and travel, traveled to Japan in May this year and found a travel partner who claimed to be a lecturer at Kyoto University on social platforms, only to disappear after Tsuki paid for dinner. "One of my students was cheated outside. Tsuki said aggrievedly to "China News Weekly", "AA must settle it in person to prevent being evaded by the partner, and don't disclose too much personal information with the partner." ”
Money disputes may be attributed to character and morality, and merchants who want to "sell accurately" and "attack vertically" are even more unguardable, and even rubbing the edge and involving pornography have also joined the "hitchhiker culture". Some netizens found that "all-inclusive travel rides" has become a code word, and in such posts, it is usually stated that "only girls, each takes what they need". Jiang Wan's experience is that if a man is looking for a travel partner of the opposite sex, and posts a bunch of muscle photos or introduces his income and education, he basically has to be vigilant.
"Weak ties" are loved by the younger group.
In the 70s of the last century, the American sociologist Mark Granovetter put forward the theory of "weak ties". Intimate interpersonal relationships, such as family, friends, lovers, etc., can trust, help, and support each other, which is a kind of "strong relationship" that is stable but has limited scope and information sharing. On the other hand, connecting different social circles to build information bridges in multiple dimensions has infinite possibilities for "weak relationships". In the traditional society, strong relationships occupy an absolute advantage in our lives, and nowadays, the hitchhiker is becoming more and more popular, which reflects the "shallow socialization" and "weak relationship" are deeply loved by young people, and the social mode they advocate reflects the change of social structure and the change of social mentality.
In Hu Penghui's view, the most important factor is undoubtedly that the changes in social structure have promoted the transformation of social relations, and traditional social interaction is facing the double barrier of time and space. More and more young people are leaving their hometowns, going out to study, make a living, and become wanderers in a foreign land.
Dong Chenyu, a lecturer at the School of Journalism of the Chinese People's University, launched a report on station b called "Hitching, a social relationship more suitable for the physique of Chinese babies?".A similar view is expressed in the "*", where the atomized life in the big city inevitably brings loneliness, and the fast-paced and high-pressure living environment makes young people have limited time and energy to socialize. Dong Chenyu told China News Weekly that a student who had already joined the work told him that every morning when he went out, only one of them opened the door early, and when he came home from work in the evening, he was still left with the small shop selling supper. "If you still ask them at this time, why don't you go for a thicker social connection?It's a little bit standing and talking, and I don't have a backache. Dong Chenyu said.
Such a life forces young people to be more efficient in all relationships and events. Dong Chenyu is a more casual person, but he has begun to clearly feel the word "quantification" from his "post-00s" students. This year, a student who was Xi in a large factory needed him to change **, this student directly sent him a "Feishu" document, for which Dong Chenyu specially ** Feishu APP, he found himself constantly reminded, which step is now, when to the next step, and the student needs the teacher to give guidance on which part of the article at which precise point in time have been clearly marked. Dong Chenyu said with a smile: "There is a feeling of working for students, so he can be my tutor." After a while, he found that his efficiency had really improved significantly. When life is listed, time is cut, social interaction naturally needs to be quantified, and the accurate docking of partners in various vertical fields is undoubtedly the result of listing and quantification.
What's more, young people living in big cities are often faced with moving, transferring, and job hopping, and stable social relationships are constantly being broken, and social networks are constantly changing, making it even more difficult to form deep friendships based on long-term social interactions. Perhaps, hitchhiking social networking is an inevitable demand of the modern liquid society, and the popularity of the Internet and the rise of social networking provide a platform and possibility for the emergence of "shallow social" relationships.
When everything starts to change, we naturally realize that only the "self" is the most stable, strong, and trustworthy. It's just that when everything is built on the needs of the "self", the relationship between the older generation that is "for a lifetime" at every turn is becoming more and more rare. When we experience the richness and infinite possibilities of the world in the continuous flow, and "phased friendship" becomes an unavoidable social state, we also have to admit the loss of traditional relationships such as friends, lovers, and relatives.
We will tolerate the mistakes and mistakes of friends, lovers, and relatives, make changes and concessions for them, and know ourselves and surpass ourselves in the continuous advance and retreat, collision and sharing life with them, but in all the "weak relationships", there is no such opportunity.
Is it a supplement or a downgrade?
When deep relationships are limited by objective conditions, the act of finding a partner is endowed with a layer of "must-have", so it is described by some scholars as a degradation of intimate relationships or a withdrawal from social relationships. Among the young people looking for a partner, there are various reasons, most of them are like Jiang Wan, who wants to expand their social radius and "contact many people who are not very accessible in daily life", which leaves room for the partner to develop into friends. But there are also people who only need fragmented friendships and actively stop at the alternate version of intimacy.
Xiao Chen is an introverted and shy college student, the boys in the same dormitory don't like to play with him, he found a good meal partner on the campus network, it is a Sven girl, the two have similar tastes, talk very happily, and the time to eat together in the cafeteria has gradually become the most anticipated thing of the day. However, after he proposed that he could treat himself for the next meal, and asked the girl if she had a boyfriend, the girl was obviously silent. The next day, Xiao Chen found out that he had been blocked. After a few days of loss, Xiao Chen understood the girl, and he told China News Weekly, "I'm very lucky to have a good partner, and I really shouldn't think too much about it." ”
For some partners, perhaps this is the best distance, where they don't have to go back and forth between the inner expectations of a "perfect relationship" and the harsh reality, and they don't need to invest in the precious maintenance costs of time, affection, and money. So is this a "retreat" and a "downgrade"?Hu Penghui does not agree with the pejorative meaning of these two words: "It seems to mean that we have a standard answer to what social relationships should look like, and then we call a partner a demotion or withdrawal, meaning that we are far from that standard." But is this really the right standard?Even, should this standard exist?”
Hu Penghui remembers very well that when he was studying, his tutor once said that in the era when they were studying, every time the academic community held an academic conference, students would deliberately design some questions that could show that they were very smart, and ask the academic boss for advice, seeking to build a relationship with the big guy, so that the big guy could remember himself, or to make friends with teachers who could bring master's and doctoral degrees, so as to pave the way for future study and development. Not long ago, Hu Penghui just participated in an academic forum, and he found that whether it is a young scholar of the same age or a younger doctorate or master's degree, few people deliberately climb the relationship, and the more important factor of all exchanges is "like-mindedness", "If a person's research resonates with me, I may be willing to go further with him." Compared with the previous active social interaction, today's young scholars are undoubtedly "withdrawing", but if such "withdrawal" is based on being more comfortable, paying more attention to independent personality, and less "stubbornness", should it be called "retreat"?
The same is true for partners, as long as the two people in the relationship feel comfortable and self-consistent, then the relationship is suitable for them, maybe not to talk about ups and downs, let alone right or wrong. How we look at it depends on what kind of perspective we stand on, so some people think that the partnership is a downgrade, some people think that it forms a supplement to the traditional fixed relationship, and some people think that this is the beginning of a deep friendship.
Temporary pairing and deep friendship are not binary opposites. Lin Jia used to be a "Deyun girl" (a female fan of Deyun Club), in June 2019, in order to go to Tianjin to see the special performance of Deyun Club, she found a partner on Weibo who could share a room, and on the way back to the hotel after watching the performance, they discussed the performance that had just ended, and found that they not only shared the same hobbies, but also had very similar views. Soon, they went to Xi'an together during the Mid-Autumn Festival, and went to Nanjing together on New Year's Eve to chase Deyun Club together. A few years have passed, and now Lin Jia has already "come out of the pit", and the partner of the year has become a friend, although they no longer watch performances together to support and buy peripherals, the two often use WeChat chats to share the troubles and happiness in life.
Therefore, the hitchhiker and the hitchhiker are not exactly the same, and an overly simplistic definition may erase the subtle differences between people and the changing and flowing feelings of the same person in different time and space, how can a real person be recognized with a simple label?Relationships themselves should be diverse, whether the meaning of the relationship or the meaning of life should be given by oneself.
Hu Penghui said that the ideal relationship should be intimate and independent, relying on each other and being responsible for each other, but it does not lose independent personality and free will because of this. Perhaps, the hitchhiker is the product of our continuous exploration of social interactions and the boundaries of self-space in the process of getting closer to the ideal relationship. Whether the relationship is strong or weak, the questions we have to think about are eternal – how to understand self and others, how to have the courage to enter into a relationship, and how to manage a relationship better. After all, no matter how atomized the world becomes, human beings, as social animals, must admit that, in fact, we need each other.
Jiang Wan, Tsuki, Xiao Chen, and Lin Jia are pseudonyms in the article).
Issued in 202312.11. The 1120th issue of China News Weekly magazine.
Magazine title: You can't be in love, you can't be without a partner.
Reporter: Li Jing ([email protected]）
Editor: Yang Shiyang.
Operations Editor: Xiao Ran.