There was once a saying circulating on the Internet, which said: "A marriage that is not favored by parents is destined to be difficult to have happiness." "A long time ago, I felt a little absolute about this sentence, firmly believed in the power of love, and believed that a marriage without true love would not last long. However, it wasn't until I experienced a relationship myself that I realized that my opinion was too naïve. As elders who have been through ups and downs, parents are able to see into the subtleties that we are not aware of, and foresee the possible consequences of our reckless actions.
Five years ago, when I was on college campus, I met my ex-boyfriend. We both knew each other and had a great time in school, but immediately after graduation, he proposed to me and said that he wanted to build a family for me. He said affectionately that falling in love is to go to the palace of marriage. I was deeply touched and agreed to him without hesitation.
Since his parents were in the country and my hometown was far away, I first visited his family and met his two older sisters.
On that day, the rain was so heavy that it was almost impossible to block an umbrella, and the wind was blowing so hard that it was difficult to walk. When I thought I was going to be a soup chicken, I couldn't help but wonder why I didn't check the weather forecast in advance. However, unexpectedly, his parents came to pick us up and thoughtfully prepared a set of disposable rain gear that fitted me so that I could not get wet under their care, and I was deeply touched by this care.
Entering his house, I began to take a closer look at the residence in front of me. He told me earlier that the house was purchased by his parents and that it was our future wedding home.
It is a spacious four-bedroom unit with four bedrooms, two living rooms and two bathrooms, which is quite a sizable total area. The surroundings are very pleasant, the greenery of the community is quite good, and there is a shopping mall opposite with large shopping malls and wet markets. Turning right at the east gate, less than a ten-minute walk away, is the branch of the city's seventh-ranked elementary school, which means that it is a house located in the school district.
I was even more touched by their family's thoughtful gesture. At the moment, only my boyfriend lives in the house alone, and his parents have not moved in yet. The reason is, they think that this is a wedding house and the bride has not yet moved in, so they cannot move in before that so as not to break the rules and spoil the feng shui.
In a relaxed chat, my boyfriend's mother also asked me: "Honey, I know, now you need bride price money to get married." Did your parents mention a specific amount?”
My parents did talk about this and told me that the bride price was indispensable. If the man does not give the bride price, they will not be able to agree to the marriage. Although my parents' request for a bride price is not excessive, about 80,000 yuan, it must be had.
I revealed this to my boyfriend's mother, and she readily agreed: "80,000 yuan is too little, you are such a wonderful girl, you should be more." In this way, my aunt will give you 120,000 yuan, and the extra money you can use to buy a beautiful diamond ring. ”
I was very happy to hear the generous response of my boyfriend's mother, and I felt that I was really lucky to meet such a reasonable future in-law, and I was quite proud of my vision of choosing a mate.
Half a month later, the Dragon Boat Festival came, and I seized this opportunity to bring my boyfriend home and let him meet my parents, hoping that through this relationship, we could move towards the next stage of marriage.
In the beginning, my parents took my boyfriend's arrival very seriously and personally came to greet us and prepared his favorite meals and fruits for him, showing thoughtful etiquette. My mom talked to my boyfriend for a full two hours. At first, they had a great conversation, and my mom was smiling. Later, however, my mom was still smiling, but my instincts as a mother made me feel that her attitude had changed.
Sure enough, when my boyfriend said goodbye, my parents revealed to me: "It's better to break up, even if you are the parents who have raised you all your life, you can't watch you jump into the fire pit." ”
Fire pit?When did the boyfriend become a fire pit?I don't understand why my parents say that. Instead of tactfully advising me to think about it, they bluntly dismissed my boyfriend and strongly advised me to break up. Such a resolute attitude aroused my alarm.
Although I love him deeply, have full recognition of him, and firmly believe that I did not choose the wrong person, I am not blindly obsessed with love, nor do I want to be a daughter who ignores her parents' opinions, like Wang Baochuan.
Why?Please give me a reason!What do you dislike about him?”
My mom pulled me to sit down and carefully analyzed some problems with me, hoping that I would think carefully about whether there were some potential problems.
First of all, she told me that the mere fact that her boyfriend had two older sisters made her wonder if there was a patriarchal mentality in the other family.
If I only have one sister, maybe I can accept it, after all, many parents are eager to have two children, whether the first child is a boy or a girl, they hope to have another one, so that the child has a companion, and the elderly do not have to rely entirely on the only child. However, he has two older sisters. You should know about the birth policy at that time!”
Of course, I was aware of the birth policy at that time, which encouraged couples to have only one child, just like my family, my grandfather had two sons but no grandchildren, although my grandfather regretted this, but he never blamed his daughter-in-law for this, just because the policy was so prescribed.
After the 90s, there are still two sisters, and it is hard to believe that his parents do not have the concept of patriarchy. At the mention of this topic, the expression on my face became less pretty. Whether my parents are against it or not, personally, I can't accept a patriarchal in-laws because I'm not a machine that exists to pass on the lineage.
Secondly, my parents mentioned the four-bedroom apartment and told me that the information revealed by this house was quite meaningful.
I asked him, and he said that his parents were just ordinary workers, and their current monthly salary was just over 10,000 yuan, right!You tell me, with his parents' income, how much money is left after the three children go to school?I checked the price of this house, and with its area, the down payment is at least six or seven hundred thousand yuan. His parents have just finished providing for their son to go to college, can they still come up with such a large amount of money, is this realistic?”
My dad finally interjected, "Isn't it easy?".The two daughters are married, and one daughter wants a bride price of 300,000 yuan, which is enough, right?Otherwise, why give birth to so many daughters?”
Eventually, the issue of the house came into focus again, and my parents came to the point conclusion that their family was scheming on me.
As mentioned earlier, the house only has a down payment, and the mortgage has to be repaid more than 7,000 per month, who will pay it back?Don't tell me it's your boyfriend's parents. If it's your boyfriend who pays the mortgage and his income is only 7,000, isn't it yours to support your family?And whose name is written on the title deed?”
Hearing this, I was completely speechless. Yes, it is difficult for his parents to pay off the mortgage, and the task of paying the mortgage must fall on his shoulders. His income is taken up by the mortgage, and the remaining hundreds of dollars have to support his family, doesn't this task fall on me?And the name on the real estate deed, which has nothing to do with me, has his name written on it.
My parents didn't go into the discussion, they just told me to think it through.
My best friend who learned the situation firmly supported me to break up: "Let's not talk about the house, just because he has two sisters, I don't need to think about it anymore." With such a low income, you have to have so many children, and you have two daughters and a third child, isn't this an obvious patriarchal mentality?Is there any throne in his family that needs to be inherited?”
Are you stupid?If you do marry him, not only will you be unlucky, but your daughter will also be unlucky. Do you want to watch that the daughter you gave birth to in October is not loved by your grandparents and father, and even becomes a cash cow for your younger brother and becomes a person like Fan Shengmei?”
As soon as I mentioned the three words Fan Shengmei, I immediately shook my head, and my thinking became much clearer. Yes, whether he's calculating me or not, the mere fact of patriarchy is enough to keep me away. Otherwise, I will not only harm myself, but also my children.
I proposed a breakup with him and was resolute. He couldn't understand it and pestered for two months, until my parents intervened and saw that the situation could not be changed, and he had to agree. We blacked each other out and embarked on different paths in life.
Three years have passed, under the introduction of relatives, I met a boy with a good family background, and I am a good match, we have left a good impression on each other, and we are currently dating, and we plan to get married this year.
Last week, I attended a college reunion. Although I didn't meet my ex-boyfriend, my roommate learned about our relationship and brought up his situation: "I'm glad you broke up with him in the first place, otherwise you might have been terrible." ”
It turned out that the year after we broke up, he met a girl through a blind date, and they quickly got married. Last year, his wife gave birth to a daughter. As my parents expected, his parents actually took patriarchal thinking to the extreme. Not only did they not care about their daughter-in-law's confinement, but they also kept forcing their daughter-in-law to have a second child and insisted on giving birth to a son.
As for the mortgage, my mom is right, he does use his salary to pay the mortgage and let his wife take care of the family expenses. However, the wife was unwilling, and they quarreled over the issue.
According to his roommate, he was planning a divorce and asked his wife to take their daughter away. He claimed that the family did not have any property and that the house had nothing to do with his wife. Now, the woman is arguing with him.
These things have nothing to do with me, I just want to cherish my happiness and be grateful to my parents for helping me avoid getting into trouble.
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