Life is inevitably emotionally wounded, and if you are always emotionally hurt, you need to examine your interaction patterns with the outside world and othersWhat puts you in a situation that is not in your favor。Through the interaction of fan messages, the following points of anxious attachment need to be improved, in order to facilitate the understanding of anxious attachment friends, I will put the same response of secure attachment as a reference.
I hope you can understand before watching it, what I said does not mean that you are bad, but so that you can see the differences, and in the future intimate relationships, you can better maintain your own needs and protect your basic interests, what I want to tell you is that you are really good, everyone has to grow(Excluding avoidant attachment, I don't care if you love to grow or not)., including secure attachment, so I'm not saying that it's your flaw, but that you need to learn to protect yourself.
Without further ado, let's take a look at what misconceptions anxiety attachment falls into.
It's all about what men like and what kind of girls men like, not what I like, and whether I feel good or not
Anxious attachment will treat you as if you are really valuable, so you always want to behave well and let the other party get positive feedback, which will make you very nervous, and such nervousness, not relaxed, will also make the other party feel that the other party is safe, and that will be comfortedIf it's an NPD, he'll be keen to sniff out your lack of confidence, and then he'll say yes:
It's so rare for a girl like you to be so gentle now, and I like you to be so gentle.
At first glance, you are the kind of good girl who listens to your parents
And then even if you're not like that yourself, you see that feedback that will cater to itThen, did you find out?The "positive" feedback he gives you is all good for you.
Gentleness = not getting angry, not losing your temper
Good = obedient, all listen to me, you can't have different opinions.
Start now, check your reactions and ask yourself truthfully if you are researching what men like, what girls men like, what kind of girls marry well, and what kind of girls are more likable every day.
Ququ's live broadcasts are aimed at a specific group of girls who sell themselves as commodities, if you are different from these girls, then you don't need to think too much about what the other party likes, just show yourself naturally, what you look like, what you look like in front of the other party.
Those who pinch men seem to teach you to protect yourself, but in fact, as long as you want to pinch them, you will be led by others to follow the needs of the other party.
But if you study what you like, or have more contact with the opposite sex, and perceive what you want in the collision of reality, then you can stand up and stand up at any time.
You live this life to be yourself, not to be liked by others.
It is a shame to feel that you have a need, and a secure attachment is a generous acknowledgment of your needs
I just like to be very close to each other, I like to meet more, I like to share, I like two people to experience some things together, these likes, make me such a me.
You don't like that avoidance attachment, it's okay, you can't be satisfied when I bring it up, saying that you are very busy and tired, then your state can't match me, so don't melt hard. I didn't force you to change, you don't belittle my needs, one and two wide, each life is happy, and then, my current boyfriend can meet my needs, you can't meet it, it's okay.
Now I'm going to show you the difference between avoiding my current boyfriend's demands on me:
Me: I miss you, let's see you over the weekend, shall we?
Avoidance: Something to do on the weekend, a friend's birthday.
Me: I miss you, baby.
Current boyfriend: I'm planning to buy a ticket to see the baby over the weekend.
Me: I want to go to the museum, do you want to go?
Avoidance: It's too cold to go.
Me: Let's go have a barbecue together, shall we?(because he likes to barbecue).
Current boyfriend: If the baby is not afraid of the cold, let's go together.
Then go hand in hand to eat the barbecue.
Me: Accompany me to the movies
Avoidance: Let's see when the time comes, there may not be time.
Me: Then I'll buy two first, and then you can read them when you come, and forget if you don't come.
Avoidance: 40 minutes late.
Me: It's good to come, let's be happy together, don't be disappointed by small things.
Me: Let's watch a movie togetherI want to watch "Fengshen" with my baby
Current Boyfriend: Okay.
Let's go to the movies together.
Me: You have a cold, I'll go see you and cook for you.
Avoidance: No, you don't need it.
Me: Dial more than a dozen voice calls in a row (because after he chose to be his boyfriend, he promised me to reply to the message in time, he didn't reply to the message and ran to post it on Moments, I told him that it made me feel very bad.) You can watch "The preference that the avoidant ex wants, and the safe I give it to the current one").
Avoidance: Delete me after blocking, and break off the cliff.
Me: Baby, Eleven I'm going to see you, right?
Current boyfriend: Great, I miss the baby, I'll pick up the baby at the station.
So it's not that your needs are unreasonable, it's that you avoid not being able to meet your needs.
Of course, it is also because of the first pointThe security type believes that he is worthy of love, so when he avoids all kinds of rejection of my needs, I am not questioning my own charm, I suspect that the other person has a hidden disease.
Anxious attachment sets all kinds of bizarre value judgment standards for oneself, and does not think about whether these value judgments are beneficial to oneself, and demands oneself with value judgments that are in line with the interests of others.
What high-level women don't say through it, but not saying it is the favorite to avoid itIf you really insist on seeing through and not saying that you are advanced, then you won't survive the third episode in the modern love field and workplace
When you have a conflict with your avoidant boyfriend, he starts to coldly violence you, if you keep seeing through it and not saying it, then you are leaving enough time for the other party to connect seamlessly.
You need to ask what the other person's attitude is
I've told you before that I feel bad when you don't reply to my messages for a long time. I'll give you two weeks, and if you still don't reply after two weeks, let's break up.
I didn't reply two weeks later, informing him to break up, and then blocking and deleting no contact at all.
You just need to know what you want and what you do, as for whether the other party likes you or is dead, it doesn't matter to you, you just need to be informed.
Then go and deal with your grief.
And if you see through it and don't say it, 2 months later, the other party suddenly announced a new girlfriend in the circle of friends, and you began to cry and say that the other party was seamless, but the other party's understanding of this matter is not like this, I once saw the avoidance of the male statement: We haven't spoken for 2 months,I don't think I'm coldly violent, I think it's a breakup if I don't talk for 2 months, and it's normal for me to officially announce my new girlfriend.
So is your own bizarre value judgment really beneficial to you?
I won't talk about the example of being played to death in the workplace, I will tell you that your leader must know more news than you, earlier than you, if you are aware of it and do not go directly to the leader to communicate, or to talk to the leader to communicate, then you are likely to be played to death, and you don't know who you died in.
And what is "why avoid sharing a little thing and you are so happy, you shouldn't be so happy, it's very low value" and you don't like to share, which is exactly what the avoidant man wants, you are devaluing your positive emotions and needs,On the other hand, what you have to think about is that I like the other party to share, so I can't avoid it, so I will change to a boyfriend who can do it, instead of belittling my positive emotions and needs.
The spirit is not independent, and I feel that I will live worse if I leave and avoid myself, so it is better to be with avoidance
Anxiety has a deep-seated fear, that is, the belief that you can't live well, and that you can't live without others, has become an obsession.
She doesn't observe her current situation, nor does she look back at how many roads she has traveled alone in the pastAnyway, I'm definitely not going to have a good time alone, I'm very afraid, I'll die if I leave to avoid it, I can't survive, and I may have to beg for food.
It is no exaggeration to say that anxious women with an annual salary of one million think so.
That's why it's so scaryIt's just back to the first point, not being confident, not feeling worthy, not believing that you are worthy of love.
Thinking too much to the point of narrow-mindedness, the need for instant gratification is the same as that of a swaddling baby who wants milk to drink and needs to be satisfied immediately
Anxiety does not have the ability to look back at the past and look forward to the future, looking back at the past is regret, looking forward to the future is fear, so the thinking eye is extremely focused on the matter in front of the presentImmediately, immediately, now, every second without stopping.
Because she also knows that she has such limitations, she is very vigilant and nervous in the early stage of judging the object, and she is not relaxed, because as an adult, she also knows that the other party may not cooperate with her thoughts, then she will suffer.
After encountering avoidance, it is difficult to escape anxiety mostly because of this:
Why didn't he reply to the message?
Why hasn't he replied to the message?
He didn't reply when he saw my message, what was he doing?
Who is he with?
He doesn't like me anymore?
cried loudly, begged for mercy with avoidance, knelt down and begged to avoid pity himself, and quickly replied to the message.
Secure attachment is:
Don't reply to messages?Let's go to bed first.
The next day, I didn't reply to the message and sent a circle of friends?What do you mean, feel disrespected?
Tell the other person: If you don't reply to messages for a long time, it will make me feel very bad. I hope you can remember to get back to me when you're done.
Avoid the other moths, let the avoidance choose, tell the avoidance: I want to be a boyfriend and girlfriend, do you choose to be a boyfriend and girlfriend, or an ordinary friend?
Avoid choosing to be a regular friend.
Re: Okay. I didn't send messages to each other for two weeks, avoided running back to temptation, and asked: Do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, or ordinary friends?
Avoidance: Boyfriend and girlfriend, of course.
Re: That needs a sense of ceremony, you buy flowers and send them to me, and I need you to reply to messages in a timely manner, can you do it?
Avoidance: I like it so much, of course I can.
Later, I wanted to see the sick avoidance, but I didn't reply, and after dialing more than a dozen times, I couldn't bear to block and delete me.
I informed him of the breakup on other **.
After a few months of adjustment, I found a new boyfriend.
The reason why anxiety does not dare to operate like this,It's because the more anxious you want to avoid what you did in the past, the more angry you become, but looking forward to the future, you can't live well alone, and you will beg for food, and you can only endure all kinds of unscrupulous injuries of avoidance at the moment, because anxiety knows that you can't get rid of the fear of leaving and avoiding that you will beg for food in the future, and you know that you are unhappy to avoid it, as long as the other party ignores you, you will kneel and beg for mercy.
In the end, there is only one way to be anxious: to pin your happiness on avoiding the delusion that it will change, and to deceive yourself into living one day at a time.
Anxiety and avoidance