Original poem
Evening
Text: Li Shaojun.
In the evening, it was time to eat.
I went out and called out to my old father, who was still walking in the woods.
Little by little, the night seeps in.
Darkness spreads like ink on rice paper.
I shouted, and the night was pushed away a little bit.
As soon as the shouting stopped, the night gathered around again.
I shouted my father's voice.
It echoed in the woods for a long time.
It rippled like ripples in the wind.
Father's answer.
Makes the night seem to brighten up a bit.
Appreciation
Li Shaojun, the editor-in-chief of the most authoritative "Poetry Magazine" in the Chinese poetry circle, touched me with a poem "Evening".
The whole poem is 114 words, four stanzas and 11 lines.
The first time and cause of the incident were revealed, "In the evening, I went out to call my father, who was still walking in the woods, to come home for dinner."
What a simple two sentences, the simplicity of the poem.
This is followed by the second verse. Because it was evening, it was getting dark or it was already dark. In the evening when it was dark, he called out to his father, but there was no echo, and it felt that the sky was darker, "darkness spread like ink on rice paper", and "as soon as the shouting stopped, the night gathered and gathered around again". The black sky mentioned here has changed from the black sky in reality to the black sky in consciousness, and the night is dyed with subjective colors. The darker it gets, the more I feel concerned, and the concern between the Son and the Father becomes more and more prominent.
The third verse is a continuation of the second verse and is an enhanced version of the second verse. "The voice of the father echoed in the forest for a long time, and then rippled like ripples in the wind." The cries of this stanza have not yet been heard echoed by the father, but the shouts echo in the woods, which adds to the atmosphere of the night of the thought and sets the stage for the last two sentences.
In the fourth verse, I finally hear back from my father. An echo lights up the dark night, "the father's answer makes the night seem to brighten a little", the whole poem ends abruptly, just right, clicks on the poem, and also lights up the reader's eyes.
This poem is cleverly conceived, and it is wonderful to have two points in one scene: one night forest point and one bright forest point. A black and a bright form a contrast, and when the contrast is made, the poetry also comes out.
The second feature is the two realities. The sentences are simple, and there are no strange sentences; The events are real. The whole poem is narrated, as if the author is telling people about an ordinary thing, without hurrying or slowing; The listener is not addicted, and the epilogue is praised.
The third feature is that the whole poem is condensed, that is, a love word. The poem is not scattered, not branches or leaves, focusing on the scene of the center, that is, calling out to his father in the night forest, writing the darkness of the black forest with all his strength, and finally, letting his father light up the night forest with an echo. Through this scene, the love between father and son is suddenly and fully displayed, and the poetry and poetry also emerge abruptly.
Author
Liu Shuren, a native of Ningjin County, Dezhou City, Shandong Province, is a retired teacher, a member of the City and County Writers Association, and a poet in his spare time. Poetry is discovery, creation, and every poem is a Ganoderma lucidum grass that grows in the soil of the poet's thoughts. Most of the poems have been published in the poetry magazine "Shandong Poetry" and "Poetry Magazine", "China Poetry Network", "Wenfeng Academy", "City Headlines", "Dezhou Recitation Art Troupe", "You Walk in My Landscape" and other literary network platforms at all levels. The poetry collection "Sunset Fun One" reproduces the time of morning and evening.