Some fans asked me: Why does my love always last long? Why do I always fall in love and can't get married? Why is it so hard to get along in marriage? Why do you always quarrel with each other in marriage?
These questions have been bothering you, today I will give you a psychological point of view, to talk about 6 wrong views on marriage and love, to see if you belong to one of them, to make corresponding changes?
This type of lover, it is difficult to get into marriage, because in their inner world, I love you very much, but I am afraid that you will leave me, so I have to leave you first.
The avoidant lover is insecure, very afraid of being abandoned by the other party, so he has to defend against the other party, being with the lover is hot and cold, if he is about to leave, avoiding intimacy, there is no way to devote himself to intimacy, once the relationship with the other party begins to develop further, he begins to flee, leaving the other party first, so as to avoid being thrown off by the other party, his heart is a low level of self-esteem.
This kind of lover is generally because he was not noticed by his parents when he was a child, or his parents went out to work and were rarely at home, and he did not form a feeling of intimacy with others in his heart, because every time his parents left he would be sad, he needed his parents when he was a child, and his parents were often not around, so he simply formed a defense mechanism that did not need love, anyway, you will leave me sooner or later, then I will leave you at a young age, so that I will not be hurt.
When I grow up, I bring this feeling to my lover, and I am afraid that my lover will leave me, so I will leave first, so I often fall in love and can't go to the end, forming this kind of love for you, so leave your subconscious.
This type of lover will always ask the other person, "Do you really love me?" His inner insecurity needs to be affirmed by the other party, and if the other party does not answer affirmatively, he will keep asking until the other person answers.
Under normal circumstances, at the beginning of the love period, asking this kind of question will get timely feedback and affirmative answers, but as the relationship time is extended, the other party will become impatient, and it is annoying to always ask this kind of question? That's when the relationship goes wrong.
This type of lover is anxious about intimacy, in his family of origin when he was a child, he must have been neglected, he did not receive the affirmative love of his parents, or he was never approved by his parents, and when he grew up, he projected this pattern onto his lover, repeatedly confirming until he received an affirmative answer.
When dealing with this kind of lover, you must be patient and reassure him that you love him, and as long as he is sure of the answer, he will not be so anxious anymore.
This kind of lover loses his sense of self-independence, he has to rely on each other for everything, he has to share every bit of things, he treats each other as a god-like existence, he doesn't do anything, he relies on the other party to give him what he wants, and he has to ask the other party to make a decision for any little thing.
At the beginning of getting along, the other party will feel that it is love and dependence, and after a long time, the other party will feel that it is a burden and feel that this little thing is not good? That's when the relationship becomes problematic.
This kind of lover must have been hit in the original family when he was a child, everything was denied, his parents must be relatively strong, and he didn't do anything right to his children, and gradually the child lost the ability to live independently, and he handed over all the decisions to his parents.
When he grows up, he projects this pattern of behavior onto his lover, believing that the other party also has full authority to make decisions for himself, allowing himself to be completely dependent on the other person, degenerating himself into a baby state, overwhelming the other person, and wanting to escape.
This kind of lover is a typical pleasing type, as long as the other party is happy, he doesn't care, everything is based on the other party's wishes.
Under normal circumstances, they will be very sweet during the hot love period, and the pandering lovers will focus on each other, but as time goes by, this kind of lover will also have his own needs, and he will suppress his needs every time, just like blowing up a balloon, every time he blows a little negative emotion, after a long time, the balloon will be burst, and he will explode, at this time, the other party will feel inexplicable, I don't know why he wants to lose his temper?
This kind of lover is because when he was a child, he also suppressed his own needs in the original family, everything is based on the wishes of his parents, it doesn't matter how he is, his parents are happy, and when they grow up, they will also project this relationship onto their lovers.
The other party often thinks that he has no needs, and when he explodes, the other party does not know exactly what is going on, and over time, the relationship will break down.
This type of lover is very controlling, possessive, and wants the other person to live their own way, if you love me, you want to listen to me.
With this kind of person, at first I felt that I was a domineering president, but after a long time, I will feel suffocated, and it is too uncomfortable to be controlled, such as what clothes to wear, where to go, who to be with, and to make a position, the other party will feel very tired.
This kind of control lover is generally a more doting child in the original family when he was a child, and his parents will meet him with any request, so that he feels that he can have what he wants, and the world will live according to my way.
When you grow up, you will project this pattern onto your lover, hoping to control each other and have enough control, and the other party will one day be unable to bear to leave.
This type of lover likes to use cold violence, will not communicate when there is a conflict, and replace it with silence, while the other party quarrels with him, like a punch to cotton, angry and anxious.
He won't say anything he wants, he wants you to know what he wants, and he feels hypocritical when he says it, and the other party can't always pay attention to his state, then he will use silence to express **.
This type of lover is generally a mode of getting along with his parents, his parents like to use silence to solve conflicts when they encounter them, and he feels that it is best to use silence to solve conflicts when they encounter them.
The above are the 6 wrong love patterns, have you been tricked? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area, I will choose a lucky one for you to analyze
May everyone come more and more in the new year, feelings become more and more loving, I am Ling'er, pay attention to me, and continue to share knowledge