Original: Tang Ying said love
Mr. Ma called ** for help: "Teacher, I am a person with a lot of words, I talked to her when I was in love before, and I was honest with each other at that time, and I felt comfortable when I said something, and there was no contradiction." If there is a problem, it can be solved by talking. But unexpectedly, after two years of marriage, we had nothing to say. Whatever I say, she either doesn't respond, or she sarcastically or refuges me. Will this marriage still last? ”
Mr. Ma said that he is a cheerful person who likes to communicate with others, and when he encounters problems, he also negotiates through chatting. When I was in love, I had a very good relationship with my girlfriend, and both parties agreed to get married two years ago. Unexpectedly, his wife often quarreled over trivial matters, and now she is too lazy to quarrel, and she doesn't say a word for a few days, which makes him almost crazy. He didn't know why his wife judged the two of them after marriage, and he didn't know what his wife wanted, and he didn't dare to say it to others when he held his breath, feeling that life was getting more and more difficult.
Tang Ying, a marital crisis intervention expert, said that after learning about the specific situation through communication, she found that the situation encountered by Mr. Ma was representative. Why do some couples go from having nothing to say before? There are two main reasons for this.
First, the values are becoming more and more frequent, the differences are too great, and one party is unwilling to communicate again
Some people are sweet and sweet when they are in love, but after they get married, they expose many faults and shortcomings. Especially women, from the role of girlfriend to wife, directly face the trivial matters and pressures of life such as firewood, rice, oil and salt, and will use scrutiny to test whether their husbands have a sense of family responsibility and financial ability.
The identity of the boyfriend and the husband are completely different concepts, the boyfriend can be as chic as he wants, while the husband has to fulfill family responsibilities, take care of the emotions of his wife and family, and deal with more complex interpersonal relationships.
And in this series of problems, if the values of the couple are different, there will be communication barriers and daily quarrels. Then, if the words are not speculative, one or both parties will slowly become reluctant to communicate.
2. There are too many grievances against the marriage or husband, and there is no willingness to communicate
For women, marriage mostly has relatively high expectations. One is that they have left their original family where they have grown up for many years, relatively far away from family affection, hoping to make up for it from their husbands; Second, they will think about the future of the family and children, and put forward more and higher requirements for their husbands. If their husband's performance or ability is not up to the mark, over time, they will lose confidence and patience, and thus become dissatisfied with the marriage and their husband. If this kind of dissatisfaction is not resolved, it will form a grudge, and there will be no willingness to communicate. Not only that, but they will also add bad words to her husband and discourage her husband's willingness to communicate. Conversely, if a husband has some dissatisfaction with his wife, he will also have a grudge.
Marriage expert Tang Ying said that love believes that no matter which of the above reasons, the husband and wife cannot communicate well for a long time, which is very detrimental to the relationship between the husband and wife. All human beings have normal communication needs, both physical and mental. If one party is unwilling to communicate for a long time, and the other party can't hold back the need for communication, and confides in the opposite sex outside of marriage, once you find someone with the same frequency or willing to communicate, you may have an affair over time and have an extramarital affair, which is very detrimental to the marriage.
Besides, if you refuse to communicate for a long time, the contradictions will still exist and even worsen, and small problems will accumulate into big problems, and there will be a marital crisis. If you have dissatisfaction or opinions with each other, it is best to say it and let the other party know that the "fault" is **, rather than forming a grudge.
Marriage is a process that requires constant running-in, communication and even compromise, and couples who have nothing to say may wish to take a long-term view, let go of the so-called face or emotions, actively communicate, resolve some problems that are not big, and make the marriage more harmonious.
This article was originally written by Tang Ying Say Love, and continues to launch a series of questions and answers to marital crisis intervention, and everyone is welcome to ** marriage problems in the comment area. **From the Internet, infringement deleted in seconds) List of high-quality authors