Adolescence, a seemingly ordinary but magnificent stage, is often a seemingly invincible battle for parents. My friend Xiaoling recently confided in me that her 16-year-old daughter's rebellion had left her feeling helpless. We worked together to solve this problem, and the 16-year-old daughter's rebellion chilled the parents, and we also learned some experience and inspiration from it.
1.Incomprehensible rebellious psychology
Xiaoling first expressed her helplessness: "I know that I should understand her from the perspective of a child, but when it comes to practical problems, I just can't do it, my emotions are out of control, I still feel angry, disappointed, and out of control, so what should I do?" This reminds me of the point made in the previous article: being a parent is not being able to fully understand a child.
The people who came over said that they would not delay the children and consult more professionals, I was hereGaotu beautiful familyI have been studying for a while, and the method given by Mr. Song Li is really effective!
It inspires me to educate children, and the most important thing is love and understanding, and to maintain a good attitude when facing problems, and at the same time to have rules to follow.
For example, the child is disobedient, there are steps, give the child enough right to speak, in the wrong family education, the child often has no right to speak by the parents, so give the child the opportunity to express, fully respect the child's choice is very important, let the child feel recognized, and then direct when it is not necessarily effective, appropriate, correct guidance, can give the child the greatest inspirational effect;
In addition, I recognize the ability of the second teacher Song Li, she has been focusing on psychological research for 12 years, and she is also a national second-level psychological counselor, and her resume is very good.
In general, it's pretty good, at least for me, whether it's a parent-child family, or a good way to communicate with people in the workplace, it's really beneficial, it's worth the money, and it can be given to the family repeatedly**, of course, it's basically ineffective just to watch and not practice.
Adolescent children are experiencing many psychological and physical conflicts. They desire independence but dependence, desire to express but are extremely sensitive, and desire friendship but accompanied by jealousy and other ambivalence. This series of conflicts not only makes children struggle internally, but also troubles parents. The 16-year-old daughter's rebellion chills the parents, but in fact, it is faced by thousands of adolescent parents.
2.Allowing children to defeat themselves is the first step to adulthood
I told Xiaoling that her helplessness and anxiety were actually normal as a "good enough mother". During adolescence, children try to "defeat" their parents in various ways, and this process is the way to go. I quote Winnicott: "If a child is going to become an adult, it has to step on the corpse of an adult to complete this path of growth." ”
This is not to say that parents should succumb to their children's rebellion, but rather to understand the process with a more open mind. Parents may be angry when a child has truly defeated their parents, but this is also the moment when they are victorious. This process requires parents to have enough persistence and not easily escape or suppress.
3.Face the challenge head-on, do not evade or suppress
Avoidance is a common reaction of many parents when dealing with rebellious children. They may flee to work, study, and other ways to avoid confrontation with their children. This is actually a hidden escape, although it seems to be able to maintain harmony on the surface, but in essence it is a disregard for the child's growth process.
On the other hand, repression is also undesirable. Trying to suppress children may cause them to lose their individuality and become like robots. This approach may have been a temporary victory on the surface, but it ended up being a complete defeat.
4.No, but understanding and companionship
I reminded Xiaoling not to influence the child's behavior through trading or revenge. Using tactics like "mobile phone deals" can lead children into misunderstanding that their parents are just using them for their own needs. This kind of psychological trading only exacerbates rebellious emotions rather than solves the problem.
In this process, it is not only necessary to face the child's challenges, but also to understand the child's inner needs and give them enough companionship. Avoid trading in the name of love, and don't let your needs get in the way of your child's development.
5.Surviving parents, surviving families
She is one of the lucky parents. Being able to face the challenges of adolescence head-on, insisting on not evading, not suppressing, and not ** is an achievement that should not be underestimated. This is not only the care for children, but also the growth of oneself.
Surviving this family challenge means not only helping your child understand themselves better, but also providing them with valuable experiences as they grow up. This kind of "survival" is not simply survival, but also finding balance in the family and creating conditions for the maturity and development of the whole family member.
The 16-year-old daughter's rebellion chills the parents, but we can't avoid the problem. By understanding the child's heart, not escaping or suppressing, and facing it with understanding and companionship, you may be able to find some breakthroughs in this seemingly invincible adolescent battle.