In the eyes of many people, my marriage is a happy one. Most of the time, I think so, but sometimes, I feel the unevenness and helplessness in my marriage.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and both of us work in the system, with stable jobs and good incomes. Neither of them has bad habits and does not like ineffective socializing.
For various reasons, we didn't have children and had a puppy. Outside of work, I can find myself playing ball, swimming, or going on trips with my dog.
My husband is a typical engineering man, he doesn't know much sweet words, and he doesn't know much about romance, but he is usually considerate. He picks me up and drops me off when I commute to and from work, and the housework that is not much is shared by two people. I'm not in good health, and he takes care of me a little more. Mr. does not smoke or drink heavily, is very thrifty and self-disciplined, and is also very family-oriented, and he can't seem to find anything wrong with him.
As for myself, I am also a science and engineering woman, and I value pragmatism more than the romance of bells and whistles. My desire to buy is very low, and I rarely buy anything except for the necessities of life.
Because both of us are accustomed to living a low-profile life, although the income from work in the system is limited, we can still save a sum of money every month, now we have a house and a car, we have no worries about food and clothing, and we have small savings, we have no affair with each other, there are no conflicts in principle, both parents are in good health, and they do not live with us, and we live a quiet and harmonious life.
However, just as the sky cannot be clear all the time, marriage cannot be without waves. Just recently, we had a big fight over a cup.
That's a cup of about 200 yuan, which is not cheap, but it is definitely not expensive. Moreover, it is not a new cup, I have been using it for two years.
I'm a teacher, what do you say about this profession? Most of the children I met were cute, but I also encountered some strange children.
For example, this final invigilation, I encountered a very depressed thing.
In the exam room where I was invigilating, there was a candidate sitting in the first row who took the exam sickly, and halfway through the test, the kid couldn't help but throw up. The strange thing is that when he vomited, he did not bow down and vomit to the ground, but looked up and shot with a sense of performance, and the result was that all the children around him who were taking exams and the cup I put on the podium were all damaged.
I can't use a cup that has been baptized like this anymore. When I got home at noon, I casually talked to my husband about it and asked him to give me another glass.
As for why I asked my husband for a cup instead of buying one myself, it was because my husband's unit often gave out cups, and he had several new cups that had not yet been opened. I don't think there's any need to spend money on another one since I have it at home.
What I didn't expect was that my husband would be furious over such a trivial matter.
After I explained that the cup was really dirty, he asked me why I brought the cup to the proctor, why didn't I take the cup away before the student spit it out, and why didn't I protect the cup.
After I patiently explained them one by one, he simply asked me how I had encountered such a small probability and why I was so unlucky.
I'm also on fire. Don't say it's a pure accident, even if I'm tired of changing the cup, it's not too much, right? Do you need to be so unrelenting? I couldn't help but curse, I slammed the door and went out.
The gentleman asked me what I was going to do behind him, and shouted for me to go back, but there was no movement, and he didn't come out to chase me, which made me even more annoyed.
In the afternoon, I had to invigilate the exam, so I adjusted my mood, found a supermarket and bought a new cup, and hurried to school. Don't let emotional problems affect your work, that's my principle.
Mr. Middle has called a few **, I was angry, and I didn't answer.
There was proctoring all afternoon and I threw my phone in the office and didn't pay attention to the messages from the sir. People sit in the classroom, but their brains are on the tip of the horns.
I think about it, it's all because Mr. is too stingy, because a cup can lose his temper, I can't remember his usual gentle and considerate, my mind is full of repeated turnarounds, but it's a cup of two hundred yuan, it's worth him like this, in case I get sick one day, I really need to spend a lot of money, does he have to sign and give up directly**?
In the midst of such cranky thoughts, I even figured out how to write the divorce agreement.
After the invigilation, I went back to the office to find that a series of missed calls and many messages on my mobile phone had just subsided a little bit of anger in my heart.
Glancing at **, the last one was called 3 minutes ago. I ignored it and started looking through WeChat messages.
The first few messages were apologies, and the gentleman said that he was in a bad mood because of something at work, and I was angry. Many words of apology were spoken. But I didn't get angry because of these news, but even more angry because of the word anger. Is this using me as a punching bag? Why does he bring the emotions of his work home?
Turning back further, there are some concerned reminders, what to drink more water, don't get angry, how is the body when you are angry.
Then he asked me when I was going to get off work, it was too cold and he came to pick me up or something.
If the front is okay, the content behind it clearly reveals impatience, why didn't I reply to the message, he has already apologized, and so on.
I can almost imagine his unpleasant face: to apologize to you is to give you steps, hurry down! If you don't, you're welcome!
I sneered, I have to accept it if you apologize? I don't see sincerity at all! Too lazy to care! I threw my phone aside and continued to work. Towards the end of the term, there are still a lot of things to be handed in.
I lost track of time, and by the time I finished writing my last summary, it was already dark. Concentrating on work calmed my mood down a lot, and looking at the silent phone, there was another string of missed calls and WeChat messages, and I was a little distracted.
Mr. is not a patient person, and it is already rare to fight so many **. I guess I haven't been back, and I've gone home by myself.
At this time, I was still angry, and while packing up my things, I had already begun to imagine that my husband had called so many ** and sent so many messages, and I didn't respond, with his temper, he would definitely have to quarrel with me again when I got home. I'm already thinking about how to continue arguing with him and how to scare him.
As for why I didn't think about not going home, don't be stupid! Half of the house is mine, why don't I go home and look for sin outside on a cold day? Remember, quarrels are quarrels, and when you should feel sorry for yourself, you should feel sorry for yourself.
Unexpectedly, as soon as I left the school gate, I saw my family's car parked in front of the unit. The gentleman apparently saw me as well, rolled down the window and called me to get in.
By this time, the anger in my heart had already decreased, and I didn't want to pull at the door of the unit to let my colleagues see the joke, so I got into the car.
Along the way, I could feel that my husband was still holding his breath, and my anger was not completely gone, so I simply didn't speak.
I silently reviewed today's dispute in my mind, determined that the main responsibility lay with my husband, and decided to wait and see. Don't be afraid of quarrels, just be afraid of being unreasonable. If you don't take advantage of it, we should be soft and soft, and don't get used to him if you take advantage of it. The sentence "Home is a place to talk about love, not a place to be reasonable", just listen to it, if you are really unreasonable, no amount of love is enough.
This time, it was obviously me who took the lead, so when I got home, I locked myself in my bedroom and played with my phone. The gentleman was quiet outside for a few minutes and started cooking. Ten minutes later, he opened the door and called me to eat.
I was angry and didn't speak, but my husband obviously kept a straight face, but he said that he would not have the strength to continue to argue without eating, and dragged me to the table half-coaxing and half-pulling.
I didn't cry when I quarreled, I didn't even cry after thinking about the divorce agreement in the afternoon, I sat at the dining table and looked at the bowl of hot noodles, and the tears fell uncontrollably. This tear is actually very interesting, half of course I really feel wronged, and the other half is to soften Mr.'s attitude. At this time, he also knew that he was wrong, but he wanted to save face, and he was not willing to admit his mistake. Then I'll have to give him a step, but this step can't be too blunt, and then the tears will work. Let's not cry and make a fuss, just shed tears, and you just see if he is soft-hearted or not.
The gentleman's face really softened, but this person wanted to save face, and deliberately said that the noodles were cooked according to my requirements, and they must not be unpalatable. Then the gentleman began to explain that the pajamas he was wearing at noon, when he saw me going out, he quickly changed his clothes and chased him out, but he couldn't see me anymore when he chased me out, and he drove along the way I went to work to look for me, but he didn't find me, so he called me **.
I thought about it for a while, I came out of the house and went into the supermarket, and then called Didi, after buying the cup Didi driver has arrived, I went directly out of the community from the back door of the supermarket to save time and got into the car, Mr. can't catch up with me It should be true.
But this can't be done here, he must be made to understand that he is wrong and how serious the consequences are. Of course, I can't say that I even made such hurtful words in the draft of the divorce agreement, emphasizing how sad and wronged I am.
Seeing that the man bowed his head with guilt, he half-pushed and half-lied, and the matter was over.
Am I not angry at all? Not. But the two of them are living together, they can't divorce because of such a thing, right?
If you don't get divorced, what's the point of staying deadlocked? Instead of losing his temper, it is better to let him "cut the land and pay compensation" and agree to a few more conditions.
Marriage is not love, it is divided, and there are too many involvements and responsibilities. Getting married and living a life is a process of continuous running-in and mutual compromise.
Quarrel is running-in, reconciliation after quarrel is compromise. What you have to remember is to keep your sanity when arguing, don't let the outcome be difficult to end, don't wronged yourself when you reconcile, and let the wrong party learn a lesson. Only in this way can the marriage last a long time.