It has been said that you don't need any reason to fall in love with someone.
But is that really the case?
Think about it carefully, in the vast sea of people, among so many people we know, why do we choose to be with our partners?
Hollywood romance movies tell us: "Love is blind";
And psychologists tell us: "Love is not only not blind, but very explainable." ”
There have also been psychologists who have said, "Tell me who you love, and I will tell you who you are."
So why on earth do we fall in love with another person?
I want to be "seen" within myself
Professor Nathaniel Brandon, the most senior psychologist in the United States who studies self-esteem, explains why we fall in love with someone this way:
Like everything we see, we want to see ourselves as real in the world.
This "real" material form is easy for us to see because we just have to look in the mirror.
One of the important reasons why we like to look at ourselves in the mirror so much is that the mirror can make us feel our objective existence at the level of consciousness.
But there is a part of ourselves that we cannot directly "see", and this part is within us.
So how can we be seen within ourselves like any other real substance?
Only through another person who is as conscious as we are.
If this person can see what is inside us and reflect to us what they see in their eyes through their interaction with us;
We know that our inner self is visible, like all other real objects.
To put it simply, others are like a mirror that looks within us.
And we also need such a mirror to see our inner true existence in this world;
It's like when we look in the mirror and know that our body is real.
For example, the friends who are close to us in life have similar outlooks on life, worldviews, and values as we do.
More specific behaviors, such as close friends who like roughly the same food;
will enjoy much the same entertainment;
have similar interests and hobbies;
The same is true for the cause.
Through them, we can see our inner self, so we always like to associate with people who are similar to ourselves.
The same is true when it comes to choosing a partner.
If two people are not talking on the same channel at all, their opinions and opinions will always be inconsistent, and it will be difficult to walk together for a long time.
Principle of Psychological Visibility.
And Professor Nathaniel Brandon also proposed a psychological concept called the "Principle of Psychological Visibility." ”
That is, when we get along with each other, we feel that the other person is like a mirror;
In the other person, we can see ourselves, feel ourselves, and perceive the other side of ourselves.
This also shows that there is a high degree of "similarity" between two people.
The similarity of personality to personality.
The two people have similar personalities, similar personalities, and similar views.
Chatting, getting along, and living together with each other all feel very harmonious, and there will be a strong tacit understanding. Even if you don't say a word, you won't feel embarrassed at all.
Lifestyle habits are similar.
For example, if you like spicy food, the other person likes it too;
You don't like to stay up late, and the other party's routine is also very regular;
When you squeeze toothpaste, you like to start with your tail, and so does the other person.
It is precisely because of these similar living habits that two people have more tacit understanding.
They are like a mirror to us;
Because in their eyes, we are the same as our truest selves in our hearts.
And they also show their understanding of us through their words and actions towards us, giving us a deep sense of being "seen".
When our inner self is truly seen by a person, we fall in love with that person.
Open the door to self-discovery.
In fact, since our childhood, we have been gradually learning about ourselves through our interactions with others.
Every child is "seen" in the family to a greater or lesser extent;
But there are also countless children who always feel insecure or inadequate in their intimate relationships after ** because they are not seen in the family.
Psychological visibility actually opens the door to our self-exploration.
We continue to deepen our self-knowledge in various interactions with others, but nothing increases our self-knowledge more than intimacy.
In an intimate relationship where we are truly seen, we will constantly find ourselves that we were not aware of before, or that we have not yet surfaced
The abilities that we don't discover, the potential that we lurk, the character traits that we never express obviously, and so on.
For example, your partner is an emotionally stable person who is good at handling his emotions and emotions, so when we are with him, we will unconsciously explore where our emotions come from, and gradually we will grow into an emotionally stable person.
This is also an important reason why we fall in love with another person for a long time, and always be in love with this person.
For in the eyes of ta, I see myself in my eyes;
Because in ta, I see myself that I don't even see;
Because they really see me and keep me discovering new selves.
More importantly, I really found my sense of being in this world;
In love, I met my whole self.
In intimate relationships, cultivate yourself
Intimacy is a mirror of oneself, but when many people look in the mirror, they see dissatisfaction and accusations, and they only want to change the mirror and constantly adjust the mirror, but they ignore the strange self standing on the other side of the mirror, which is the key to how the mirror is presented.
Therefore, in the practice of intimacy, what we need to cultivate is ourselves, to find our true self, in order to change the appearance of the mirror.
In the psychology of color recognition, we can find our true selves through the trilogy of "seeing-releasing and transforming". First of all, we use color recognition technology to see our true selves, see our true emotions and pay attention to our emotional changes;
In the process of using color healing technology to clean up and release emotions, feel your true experience, no longer judge and resist in the face of any emotions and your own shortcomings, but accept the real and "imperfect" self at the moment, so that we will also break the old mode of thinking, transform into a new way of thinking, see ourselves from our different emotional states, and find ourselves step by step.
When we accept our different selves, we can let go of our pretenses and become our whole selves. You will find that we are "self-sufficient", and in the same way, we will pass on this energy to the people around us, and we will also see full of positive energy in the "mirror".
Well, let's share it with you today, walk into the door of the rainbow, pay attention to the colorful life, solve the confusion on the road of life, and we'll see you next time!
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