After a few years of the epidemic and various life problems, is your relationship okay? Have there ever been any quarrels?
Before the epidemic began, I wanted to start my own business, because I had no entrepreneurial experience and too much investment in the early stage, coupled with the epidemic, which led to a lot of debt, when I explained the current situation to my husband, he did not blame or criticize, only the thoughts and actions of overcoming the difficulties with me.
Thinking that we have been married for so many years, it seems that there has been no quarrel, and we will communicate about anything, and now we have been married for 11 years, and our relationship has always been very good.
In fact, I have always had a fear of marriage, because my parents are in an arranged marriage, the relationship is not good, I often fight and quarrel, and many times, I spend it crying. Any older, they divorced. So I've always been scared of marriage.
My husband and I have not been together for a long time, and it is also by chance that we have joined hands to form a small family, in fact, I was afraid and confused at that time.
They have been getting along well since they got married, and now they have two children. It can be said that it is a good little family.
Over the years, I have seen the unhappiness of my parents' arranged marriages, the quarrels in marriages between friends, and the loving and happy little family, and a happy marriage and a happy family are inseparable from the management of relationships.
I saw the book "The days are staggering, we are steady" written by Wu Jikang, this book is about how to have a high-quality intimate relationship. Intimacy, love and marriage are eternal hot topics, and they are directly related to a person's growth and happiness.
A good intimate relationship depends on management, but "management" requires methods, and many couples and couples just don't understand the methods, so that sweetness turns into resentment.
This book devotes 7 chapters to the open source and throttling of love. Love is sweet and sweet at the beginning, and the feelings will fade and dislike each other, so the intimate relationship of joint management can be called a love account, and we have a way to open up and reduce expenditure, and the love in the love account is more and more.
1. The "throttling" of love
Some bad behaviors in love will make love less and less, and quarrels will become more and more, so how to throttle? The author devotes three chapters to how to throttle.
1. There are "6 toxins" on the road to intimacy, which we must avoid.
6 toxins": criticism and accusation, ridicule and contempt, self-justification, cold war escape, refusal to repair, malicious interpretation.
2. Understand gender differences and make communication no longer difficult.
This chapter talks about four differences: brain differences, trait differences, emotional needs differences, and family of origin differences.
3. Actively and effectively communicate with love and understanding to solve problems.
From negative communication, to talking about things to saying feelings and needs, asking rather than demanding, plus active listening, and then using the five-step method of positive communication.
Second, the "open source" of love
The open source of love is to let love save more and more, love more, and happiness more.
1. Express affection, appreciation, and gratitude: Let the relationship rekindle the passion.
In this chapter, we talk about 4 methods: FAT system, 3D perspective, advantage dating, and action guide.
2. Respect and acceptance: a solid foundation for a harmonious and intimate relationship.
Power sharing, accepting influence, accepting differences, and taking the initiative to discuss.
3. Positive response: an intimate interaction method that allows the relationship to continue to heat up.
Know what love is first? Then respond positively, use the ACR method, and finally decompress the conversation.
4. Deep connection: create happiness and growth from "me" to "we".
Deep connection, happy growth, happy alliance, play alliance.
3. Summary. Love is an ability that needs to be learned, so let's save more love coins in our love account like financial management, so that our marriage will be happier.