In other words, Dong Yuhui sighed deeply in a live broadcast:
Everyone's life, there are about three important corners, the first is the original family, the second is the husband and wife who accompany us through a lifetime, and finally, of course, it is the moment when we discover our true self! "
When you think about it, it's really right.
In a person's life, it is inevitable to encounter all kinds of difficulties, and fate will always play some jokes.
However, everyone has the potential to change their fate. This may have been given to us by God, and it was also earned by our own hard work.
Some of our friends may be born in the original family with not very good conditions, which is like falling into a muddy swamp, and only by breaking free can we achieve phoenix nirvana;
Finding that partner who is very compatible with you is like finding another best self in this world, where they can go through ups and downs together and help and support each other;
Also, for example, when you reach a certain age, your work has encountered a bottleneck, and your energy has gradually declined, which are all midlife crises. However, as long as the current impasse can be broken, it is a new journey.
Therefore, by grasping these awakening opportunities, we can get rid of the current predicament and move towards a better future.
The first time: Jumping out of the bad family of origin.
I remember that Adler, a master of psychology, once said:
Happy people can use the joy of childhood to ** their whole lives, and those who are not so lucky have to spend their whole lives ** the injuries they suffered when they were children. "
I once saw a true story on Zhihu:
The blogger's father is simply a violent maniac, abusing his mother at every turn, and treating the detention center as his second home.
Once, my mother was beaten so that her front teeth were loose, and her eye circles were swollen like a giant panda with dark circles.
At that time, the blogger was a little boy and cried incessantly, but instead of comforting her, her father grabbed her hair and yelled at her not to cry.
She reported safety to her relatives, but her neurotic father felt sincerely happy on the other end.
Growing up in such a hellish family, she had a lot of heavy depression in her heart, and she couldn't get rid of it.
Girls who grow up in this situation, although they are adults, are still entangled with their original families:
Some people are often belittled and poured cold water by their parents when they are young, and when they grow up, they become depressed and extremely sensitive to the people and things around them;
Some people have been compared with others by their parents since they were young, and when they grow up, they are always inferior and timid, and they always feel that they are inferior to others;
In order to get the attention of their parents, some people have learned to please others, and they always hurt themselves without a bottom line.
However, as the famous saying goes: it is not your fault that the harm of your family of origin is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get rid of these injuries and become a better person.
We can't change the original family, we can only change ourselves.
For example, Tara, the protagonist of the best-selling book "You Shall Be Like a Bird Flying to Your Mountain," had a childhood known as a garbage dump. She hadn't even set foot in the school door until she was 17.
Her stubborn, controlling, father, can manipulate everyone in the family at will. What's especially terrifying is that she also has an older brother Sean, who loves to beat people, who always pulls his hands and feet on the tower from time to time, and even pushes her head into the toilet bowl and watches her struggle.
What's worse is that her family knew about these things, but chose to remain silent.
Later, Tara realizes that the only way to get out of that chaotic life is to escape from her home by studying hard.
Since then, she has embarked on the path of spending time in the dark basement and using all kinds of free time to study those difficult and difficult courses.
Since she has never received a formal campus education, her learning path is hundreds of times more difficult than that of ordinary people.
Whether it's working on a difficult trigonometric problem, she needs to rack her brain and spend three hours polishing it.
Sometimes, when her father saw her reading hard, he even said a few words of sarcasm with pride.
Almost no one dared to believe that she could successfully enter the university, and she herself was deeply ashamed to ask herself: how could this person like garbage stand in the hall of the university?
However, Lady Luck eventually favored her, and she was able to gain admission to Brigham Young University with excellent grades.
Through her university education, she reshaped her understanding of the world, thereby reversing her original worldview.
Later, she went to Harvard University in the United States for visiting study and became a Ph.D. at Cambridge University in the United Kingdom, saying goodbye to the unbearable past.
Tara once mentioned in her book: "All my life, these instincts have been teaching me a truth - if you are confused, you can only have a firm grasp of the odds on your own." ”
Do you know? Some friends may be deeply trapped in the pain brought to them by their original family for the rest of their lives, and they will not be able to get out easily. Even when they reach adulthood, they always feel that all the setbacks they encounter are the responsibility of their original family. However, there are still people who will bravely try to break free from those pains and meet the new journey of life again with great determination. is like Jin Weichun once said: "Jumping out of the old script of childhood is actually a compulsory course in the growth process of each of us." If you don't fix it, you may have to pay a lot of money, but if you do fix it, it will be really beneficial! Therefore, whether a person is truly strong or not often begins from the moment he or she is committed to escaping from her family of origin.
Rather than blaming the family for the pain of a lifetime, it is really better to hold on to the power to rewrite one's own destiny. Let's move on to the second point: get to know and find the other half of the same frequency.
In scientific psychology, there is something called the "same frequency resonance effect": it means that when you and the person you like can resonate and coordinate in thought, consciousness, speech and behavior, mental attitude, and opinions, it is easier for two people to be happy and stable together. In other words, the person you are looking for is actually silently influencing your future fortunes. If you meet someone who is positive and energetic, and you have clear goals, you can grow and progress together and your life will become better and better. On the other hand, if you meet a negative and pessimistic partner, you will only have to quarrel every day about things the size of sesame mung beans. In the end, not only will your relationship get worse and worse, but even your own life will be dragged down by each other.
Back then, when Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng met, one was a famous beautiful intellectual, and the other was a personable gentleman. The two are very compatible in terms of appearance and family background. During that time, with the help of Liang Qichao, they went to the University of Pennsylvania in the United States for further study. When she first arrived in the United States, Liang Sicheng asked her, "What do you want to study?" Lin Huiyin replied without hesitation: "What I want to go to most is architecture." Surprisingly, after hearing this answer, Liang Sicheng asked with a puzzled face: "Why would a girl be interested in this?" However, Lin Huiyin explained seriously: "Although there are many beautiful buildings in our country, modern architectural science is very scarce. Inspired by Lin Huiyin, Liang Sicheng finally decided to embark on the road of architecture. In the course of their studies and research, they also placed great emphasis on first-hand knowledge of European architecture. In daily chores, they always show tacit understanding and complement each other on various occasions.
After returning from their studies, the couple continued to study and preserve China's ancient buildings until their later years, and jointly founded the Department of Architecture at Tsinghua University. In addition, they co-planned and designed our country's national emblem and the Monument to the People's Heroes. Liang Sicheng deeply understands Lin Huiyin's ideals and determination. And for any ordinary person, there is no better relationship than being able to maintain the same frequency resonance with the other half, and at the same time be willing to dedicate themselves to each other. When you choose a specific person to marry, it actually means that you have chosen a new way of life and values.
Sometimes, some people around you come to your life just to drain your energy and patience, while some people are the opposite, and their presence is more to bring you warmth and security. Spending the rest of your life with the former may only make you more aware of your hidden shortcomings, and conversely, if you can come together with the latter, then you will be able to meet more than just a better version of yourself. If you happen to choose the wrong partner to spend your life with, instead of stumbling down the wrong path for the rest of your life, you should not hesitate to leave. Only with the courage of a strong man to break his wrist can we truly enjoy the happiness brought by resonating with our lover at the same frequency. May you walk through the long road of life together, see all the world, and see the picturesque scenery.
Are you feeling lost? For the third time, find your true self!
Everyone says that entering middle age is like entering a new stage of life.
Every day, we rush out to work early in the morning, and all the time that belongs to us is filled with work, and after finishing the work, we drag our tired bodies home.
At night, pick up your phone and take a look, car loans, housing loans, utility bills...His forehead was instantly covered with beads of sweat, as if he was drowned in a bill, and he couldn't breathe.
We are not only worried about the future of our baby children, but also nervous for the immediate livelihood, so we have to rely on brushing short** and staying up all night to buffer it.
But have you noticed, this will only bring a deeper sense of emptiness to yourself.
When you dream back in the middle of the night, have you ever asked yourself: Is it really possible for you to change?
Many people think, heck, life has been spent on work and family for thirty or forty years, and at this age, where is it necessary to start over?
But don't forget, as long as we have the courage to break the deadlock, it's never too late to change.
Zhou Ling, the author of the book "Cognitive Awakening", had a chaotic life before the age of 36.
Every time after work, he would find friends to go to the bar and drink until late at night, or stay up late to play games, or even collapse in bed to watch Tik Tok.
He had thought that his life would probably be ruined.
However, with the unexpected death of two good friends, the course of his life gradually changed.
Zhou Ling began to feel panicked, and kept questioning himself: If those unfortunate things happened to me and everything was taken away from me, what would I have left?
At that moment, he understood one thing - it turned out that he didn't understand anything, and if he really encountered unexpected changes, he was afraid that he would have to be helpless.
Since then, he has been learning all kinds of knowledge, trying to refresh his knowledge, and he has achieved remarkable results.
He took a break from the lifestyle of a middle-aged uncle and became a successful writer and self-a**.
He often said: "There is no fixed end in life, no matter how you toss, time will still slip away, so it is always better to do things than to wait still, and it is always better to start than to give up." ”
After stepping into middle age, we are always troubled by mundane trivial matters, such as cars, tickets, houses, and so on.
If you keep complaining, you will only end up in a deeper predicament.
Be brave enough to make a change, and in fact you will find that the worst-case scenario is nothing more than the current situation.
Strive to read more books, improve your level of understanding, and constantly add new knowledge;
Take the initiative to learn more, consolidate your professional skills, and seize more opportunities;
Insist on exercising more, enhance your quality, and maintain physical and mental health.
Middle-aged life is like a mountain on the road of life, if you stop moving, then what awaits you will be the abyss; But if you keep going, the road ahead will be wider.
Instead of hesitating and tangling all the time, it is better to be down-to-earth and push yourself up little by little.
As Zhang Xiaoxian said: "What can really change our destiny is not the opportunity, but our attitude towards life." ”
People often say, "go against the sky and change your fate", but in fact, you are talking about grasping your own destiny.
No matter where you are in your life, it's important to seize every opportunity to change yourself and become aware of it.
Remember, even a small step forward each day is better than just pacing in place.