Here's what a reader wrote:
My husband and I were college classmates and lovers, and I was the one who I actively pursued at the time. Advantages of husband: handsome appearance, good figure, good family background, loyal to feelings; Husband's shortcomings: introverted and rigid. During my relationship with my husband, there is no sense of festival rituals, and it is difficult to have scenes where my husband speaks sweetly to me.
My husband's hometown is in the county seat, and my hometown is in the countryside. After graduating from college, I followed my husband back to the county where he grew up and took over his parents' job (a wholesale supermarket for tobacco and liquor). After another two years, we got married.
Although the husband is a businessman, the husband does not know how to make roundabouts in the process of doing business, and his business attitude during this period is: 1) he should not take credit; 2) Do not deal with public units. Husband's daily life: not attending dinners organized by friends; Seldom take the initiative to contact relatives and friends; In his spare time, he likes to watch TV at home.
My husband doesn't pay much attention to food and clothing, and because of his work, he rarely gives himself holidays, so that over the years, when I want to go out for a walk, my husband basically won't accompany him. Although my husband is willing to spend money on me and my children, he spends a pitiful amount on himself every year. Therefore, sometimes I will tease my husband: You work so hard, but you don't know how to enjoy life, what is the meaning of making money? The husband's words at this time: 1) let you and your children not be controlled at the monetary level; 2) Money gives me a sense of security.
Although sometimes I feel that my husband is a little incomprehensible, but more often I feel that my husband is a man who is particularly suitable for life: handsome, golden, and unobtrusive. For this reason, after spending a long time with my husband, I gradually adapted to my husband's lifestyle.
Over the years, my husband and I have been able to present a relatively harmonious state in most cases, but occasionally there will be disputes over trivial matters in life. The scene of our argument is often like this: I nag unilaterally and my husband is silent. But the husband likes to smash the electrical appliances in the house to vent his anger. I'm a little speechless about this behavior of my husband.
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
What is the truth of the heart of an introvert?
The usual causes of introversion are: a relaxed personality, or an inferiority complex, or a stupid mouth. Still, their hearts are mirror-like. More often, they hope for a relatively fair situation in many things, but in the face of some unfair things, although they show the appearance of indisputability, deep down they embody the overturning of the river and the sea. And because they disdain to face theories with the people around them, and even they have no hobbies, they always have to find their own outlet for anger when they are wronged. At this time, we often see the behavior of self-harm, or throwing things. Afterwards, they will regret their stupid actions, but at the time of the incident, it will be difficult for them to be rational.
Most of the time, introverts enjoy the seemingly lonely state because they like to talk to their inner life, but they also crave excitement sometimes, only to feel particularly uncomfortable when they are actually in a lively environment. So, their feedback to people in life: a bit cold, like to be alone. When this way of life forms a stereotype in the people around them, they often lose a lot of friends. So much so that when they are eager to make a fuss, they don't bother to take the initiative to contact people who once regarded him as a friend, so when they want to socialize, they usually give a "forget it" attitude in their hearts. Because of this, they value and are willing to maintain the harmony between husband and wife.
What kind of attitude should I use to get along with introverts?
Introverts often give an intuitive response to others: they don't understand the amorous feelings, and it is difficult to communicate. So much so that when dealing with them, there will be a more boring sense of déjà vu. The reality is that in a relationship they approve of, they will show that they care about you with practical actions, just a few less sweet words. In this case, you don't expect him to speculate on your mind, but to say what you need when you need it, and he will usually do it within his ability. For this reason, in the process of interacting with introverts, we should reduce some complaints and hypocrisy, but be more grateful and straightforward. Occasionally, you can also take the initiative to create a sense of ritual in life, and he will most likely show a cooperative attitude.
Because introverts tend to do things in their hearts, it is difficult for them to find a more reasonable outlet when they are wronged. At this time, they may vent their anger by self-harm, throwing objects, or even banging their heads against the wall. For this reason, when they are wronged, try not to confront them, but take a soft posture, take the initiative to admit their mistakes to them, and after they are emotionally stable, say something to enlighten them. If your lover is more introverted, you should learn to take the initiative to talk to him, even if he may give you a more indifferent attitude in your cognition, you should still take the initiative to communicate with him often, instead of forming a state of disagreement with him in a state of anger. Understand that he doesn't have many friends, and he needs to use passive communication to relieve the so-called stress.
My perception of your married life is that your husband is already very good. It's just that he is a more introverted person, so much so that when he vents his anger, he likes to smash household appliances. The most direct cause of this behavior is that you are so accustomed to your husband's accommodation that more often than not, you will have a stronger attitude in front of him. And because he doesn't want to be with you in general, so that more often than not, he will show a forbearance in front of you. Or you think that when the couple quarrels, he can deduce the hard-hitting, the key is not in line with his character. For this reason, when he is unwilling to scold you and has no idea of domestic violence against you, he always has to find an outlet for his inner grievances, right?
One of the more important details: most of the time, you will be in a more harmonious state as a couple. For this reason, when you have a relatively good relationship, you should take the initiative to communicate with your husband to understand his true heart. It can be seen that your husband is actually a very traditional person, he attaches great importance to the integrity of the family, and your husband also loves his career very much, you should be grateful to marry such a man. Regarding the attitude you should have in the process of managing your marriage in the future: you can show what you call strong most of the time, but in the event of a quarrel between the couple and your husband is particularly emotionally unstable, you must know how to be soft. In this way, you can get the effect of not smashing your husband's appliances.
Editor's note: Every kind person wants to be treated gently, but there will always be so-called different frequencies between people, so that sometimes, people can't be thoughtful about everything. At this time, try to restrain your dissatisfaction, and think of the good of the other party, so that your emotions can quickly return to stability. Usually, people like to deal with people who have a sense of empathy, because being able to put themselves in the other person's perspective often brings warmth.
In the river of human growth, we will meet all kinds of people, and it is inevitable that there will be some times, because of some words and deeds of the other party, you are not used to it. At this time, there is no need to use the so-called obsessive-compulsive disorder to modify the daily behavior that others think is inappropriate in your cognition, but to remind yourself that existence is reasonable. For this reason, to think that a person is good or bad, you only need to stand on a macro perspective to examine whether the person is reliable. If the other person is a person with a good heart, you should be more accommodating to the other person at the level of details.
*from the web, **unrelated).