I have been doing marriage emotional counseling for more than ten years, and if I were asked what my biggest feeling was, I would say that:
In fact, there has never been a couple in the world who are born with a special match, and those couples who are in love and live their lives like poetry are just landscapes in the eyes of outsiders.
Because, as long as you get a little closer, you will find that marriage is actually a trip to the catastrophe together, the bottom of everyone's pot is ash, and all the white-headed old people and accompany each other for a lifetime have to go through nine hundred and eighty-one difficulties, constantly fighting monsters and upgrading, and finally can make merits and achieve positive results.
But despite this, why do I urge everyone to enter into marriage? There is only one reason, that is, for the vast majority of our ordinary people, marriage is really the best dojo.
Why do I say marriage is the best dojo? Because it encompasses all aspects of life, and almost carries all of life and human nature, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar, trivialities, joys and sorrows, joys and sorrows, it will all conform to the time and humanity, in an ingenious way, one by one for you to arrange, and everywhere is full of philosophy and deep meaning.
This reminds me of a short article I saw on the Internet some time ago - "8 Stages for Couples to Experience":
1.Passion period: newlywed Yan'er, extremely sweet;
2.Run-in period: 1-2 years, conflicts and disappointments emerge, testing the strength of the marriage;
3.Rebellious period: 3-7 years, quarrels, many couples parted ways at this stage, fulfilling the saying "seven-year itch";
4.Cooperation period: 7-13 years, couples who have gone through the rebellious period begin to learn together and work together for the family;
5.Restructuring period: about 15 years, love and marriage are transformed into family affection, and there is no substitute for each other;
6.Crisis period: about 20 years after marriage, facing challenges such as accidents, illness or death of parents, and children's work problems;
7.Perfect period: 30 years after marriage, enjoy a perfect life, and the "wife" becomes the most intimate partner;
8.Consummation: 50 years after marriage, celebrate the golden wedding, and the marriage is happy and harmonious.
You see the passion and sweetness of the newlywed Yan'er, how full of power, but because of this, it made us who were shallow at that time not to be intimidated by the truth of marriage, and resolutely dared to go into marriage.
To put it in layman's terms, this is called giving you a little sweetness first, but as everyone knows, the cultivation of your life has just begun, and there are still a lot of trials and calamities waiting for you in the future.
As a result, there was a run-in period and a rebellious period later. Although these two periods are relatively difficult and have drowned thousands of troops, you must know that this is a necessary path that all couples must go through together.
Why? Because these two periods not only allow you to see each other more authentically, but also allow you to see yourself from different angles, different identities, and different living conditions, and prompt you to improve yourself, achieve cooperation, grow together, and achieve higher cultivation in life through continuous reflection and communication.
After that, you will enter the cooperative period of marriage. At this time, you will find that cooperation is the greatest benefit, and acceptance is the best practice.
Therefore, you will naturally guard against arrogance and rashness, give up your machismo and princess temper, and you will always and everywhere, in the form of marriage, associate the other party and everything related to each other with yourself, cooperate sincerely, complement each other's strengths, and achieve better each other.
Then, after working together for a long time, you will form a habit and a stereotype mentally, emotionally, and even in the way of thinking.
You will find that you are more and more inseparable from each other, even if you listen to his nagging, even if you quarrel with him, even if he watches you do things from the side, even if you are speechless, you feel that it is a kind of stability and down-to-earth ......
Then, at this time, I want to congratulate you, because you have finally completed the most crucial part of the marriage practice - the gorgeous transformation of the marriage restructuring period. That is: between you and him, it is no longer just a simple love, but there is a family relationship that blood is thicker than water, broken bones and tendons.
Still, it doesn't work out. Because, after going through the previous period of passion, running-in, rebellion, cooperation and reorganization, you have only solved your own internal problems, but from the outside, and many problems that you must experience in life, are still major issues that you must experience.
Therefore, with the gorgeous turn of the reorganization period and the foreshadowing of family affection, life will also be relatively "more assured" to arrange various tests for you in the "crisis period". During this period, you will experience unprecedented and cruel trials in terms of career, finance, health, family changes, and children's education, work, and starting a family.
At this time, the only and most powerful thing in you is that husband and wife are united and encourage and cooperate together. And only with this, your life will be less painful and more persevering, less lonely and more hopeful!
Of course, you can also interpret this as a reward for marriage. Because, compared to those who have not entered into marriage, and who have already ended hastily in marriage, you are really much easier and happier.
As for the latter period of perfection and consummation, to be honest, at my age, I have not experienced it, and even in my previous counseling cases, I have hardly seen it (because they have already become a fine man themselves, so why do they need to consult me?). So I'm not qualified to say more here.
But what I can be sure of is that at their age, their partner is their greatest wealth in life, no matter how many hardships they have experienced in life, how many quarrels they have had, they will definitely thank each other from the bottom of their hearts!