What kind of person is a person with high emotional intelligence? We often think that people who can deal with complex interpersonal relationships and resolve various conflicts and contradictions are people with high emotional intelligence, and such people often distinguish between right and wrong, understand reason, and can use strong logic to persuade others when encountering problems.
I don't know if you remember, a long time ago, we shared a story about Confucius and the three seasons of people, saying that someone argued with Zigong about whether a year is three seasons or four seasons, Zigong said that it was four seasons, but that person insisted that it was three seasons, and after Confucius knew about it, he pulled Zigong aside, and then said to that person: You are right, a year is indeed three seasons.
After listening to Confucius's answer, the other party was satisfied and walked away, but Zigong was not convinced: it is obviously the four seasons, why doesn't the teacher be reasonable and not distinguish between right and wrong? Confucius explained: Some people, some things, can not be solved by reasoning, he decided that a year is three seasons, then let him continue to live in three seasons a year, and what we have to do is to invest time and energy in more valuable aspects. In fact, Zhuangzi also has a famous saying - summer insects can't talk about ice.
Summer insects can't talk about ice" comes from a story in "The Outer Chapter of Zhuangzi". He Bo saw the water of thousands of rivers flowing into the Yellow River, and felt that he had the best things in the world, but when he came to Beihai and saw the endless sea, he knew that he was lonely and unheard, and he was nothing.
The god of the North Sea said to Hebo: The well can not speak to the sea, and it is confined to nothingness; Summer insects can't talk to the ice, but to the time; Qushi should not speak to the Taoist, and be bound to the teaching.
The meaning of the river god is to say: the frog at the bottom of the well does not know the sea, it is limited by space, the summer insect cannot speak of ice, it is limited by time, and the qu shi cannot speak, it is limited by cognition.
If Hebo had never been to Beihai, he would have thought that he had the most beautiful things in the world, and when others talked to him about the sea, he would only insist on a proud and complacent attitude, and would not believe that he was just a very small existence in front of the sea.
So sometimes, it is very difficult for us to convince a person by reasoning, because everyone has their own different life experience and different attitudes towards life, so that their cognition and understanding of the world are not in the same dimension.
Summer insects are born in spring and die in autumn, and they haven't even seen ice, so it is impossible for him to accept your explanation of winter, and most of the conflicts and contradictions in life are based on the differences in their own cognitions, and they can't solve problems in a reasonable way.
People with real high emotional intelligence can't be reasonable, let alone right and wrong! For example, in a family, there are often all kinds of small problems between husband and wife, and even whether to put meat or vegetables first when stir-frying, they have to talk about a lot of truths and fight for right and wrong.
And those families with a harmonious relationship between husband and wife and a high happiness index almost don't care about such things, even if the fried vegetables are difficult to eat, they will not blame each other, because this is life, you think you should fry the meat first, he thinks that you should fry the vegetables first, such a small thing will not affect the normal life, and there is no real standard order, most of what we encounter in life is difficult to tell an absolutely correct truth, as long as we can live relatively comfortably, it is the goal we should pursue.
Of course, if the way you stir-fry food can indeed make a better taste, then the first thing you need to do is not to blame the other person, nor to reason at length, but to cook a few better meals yourself, and when the other person realizes that it will indeed be better, then he will automatically improve the way he cooks.
Zhuangzi said that "summer insects can't talk about ice", in fact, it is to tell us that not who is reasonable, who must be right, more often, people with real high emotional intelligence are unreasonable, do not distinguish between right and wrong, this is a way of life that makes themselves and the people around them more comfortable. For more wisdom in life, recommend a good book: "Life Has No Intention of Reading Zhuangzi"!