A few years ago, the urban light comedy movie "Ringing Call" was released in many theaters. The film deals with a particularly sensitive issue for contemporary people: the privacy of a partner's mobile phone.
At a party, couples put their phones on their desks and watched together how they reacted to incoming calls and WeChat messages.
Unexpectedly, everyone found secrets in their mobile phones that the other did not know. Eventually, the occasion ended with an unpleasant separation.
In a couple's relationship, whether or not they can check each other's partner's mobile phones has quietly become a sensitive point of discussion.
The mentality of wanting to hide one's phone on the one hand, and peeking at your partner's phone on the other, is very common among men and women today.
But what exactly is the best thing about whether couples should check each other's phones?
From a psychological point of view, it is best to avoid examination for the following reasons:
Underneath the outward act of reviewing your phone is a deep problem of a lack of trust, and if you don't address it, looking at your phone continuously will only become an addictive behavior, and it won't help you.
Do you realize that when you crave to look through each other's phones, there is a serious rift in your relationship?
Rubbing your phone is just an outward manifestation of emotional disorders. Behind it, what is hidden is your lack of trust in your spouse.
When did your effective communication become inadequate, and has the distrust between you accumulated to this extent?
If you have the idea of looking at your phone, it shows in you that trust in your partner is fading. Even if you find out your so-called "secret" from your partner's phone, it will only further confirm your suspicions about him.
When trust is lacking and communication is poor, the act of looking at the phone not only fails to address the root cause of the emotional problem, but on the contrary, it can exacerbate the conflict and incomprehension between the two parties.
Even lovers should be considered independent individuals and need to maintain certain boundaries and space.
There is a view that couples are so intimate that they don't leave private space, so why not flip through each other's mobile phones?
Consider looking back to your parents' intimacy from a different perspective. When you were a child, how would you feel when they looked through your diary?
Unlike diaries, there is also a strong sense of distrust when looking at the phone.
If your partner's viewing behavior is discovered, he will surely sense your deep distrust of him, and from then on, his trust in you may also decrease accordingly.
Even if you are lovers, you two individuals should maintain each other's independence and should not easily check each other's mobile phones, especially if the other person is not aware of them.
Whether you find the secret inside your phone or not, the act of looking through your partner's phone won't bring you any psychological comfort.
The inner experience of wiping the phone is almost as follows: the moment you hold the phone, you hope to find something unknown on the phone, and at the same time you don't want to reveal those unbearable secrets.
When you reveal your secrets and verify your inner doubts, you will feel extremely sad and disappointed. And when you don't find anything, you feel guilty for not trusting your partner, which is just as unpleasant.
Regardless of the outcome, good or bad, and what the process is, once you decide to pick up the other person's phone and start checking, you are destined to be in the middle of guilt and pain.
Faced with this Schrödinger-like puzzle, it's better to avoid wiping it in the first place, because you know that no matter what the outcome, you won't be truly happy.
Can couples look at each other's phones? Or it's more appropriate to choose not to view.
The act of flipping through your partner's phone is like opening a Pandora's box, and once opened, it is difficult to close it again.
In addition, this practice can lead you to rely more and more on the best way to communicate with the other person, rather than communicating openly and honestly.
Whether or not you find some secrets on your phone, your relationship may inadvertently lose its original flavor.