There's nothing wrong with looking back from time to time
A sentence written in the memo is given to everyone and myself as a beginning.
I am such a person, I often stop when I walk forward, turn my head to look back, look back at my past, and look at the marks under my feet.
I used to feel a little hypocritical, but now I think about it, but of course it takes some time to reconcile with the past, so I look back over and over again, trying to see my relief.
In May 2023, seven or eight months have passed.
For most of the year, I lived like an incompetent and angry waste.
Maybe everyone's life is good or bad, and they will more or less feel that I am not making something out of nothing.
02Life is like a jar of chocolate, full of unknowns
On that hot summer day, I was handed a medical certificate instead of an inauguration notice.
Today, 243 days have passed since I was diagnosed with cirrhosis decompensation.
What kind of disease is this? I won't say goodbye to this noisy and complicated world right away, but I will rely on drugs for the rest of my life.
That was the first time I felt that I was so close to death that I might be shaken by it if I forgot to take my medicine one day.
Scared? Perhaps, I dried my tears, and Heaven could not hear my prayers to return me to a healthy body. It was also those tears that I slowly realized some life philosophies in countless sleepless nights of tossing and turning.
I try to make my life as easy as possible, and instead of planning and arranging the days ahead, I choose to let the days flow naturally, like flowing water, between day and night.
Thinking about the meaning of life itself is a meaningless thing, and I may not understand what drives my life when I am old, and who I am trying to do.
03 has its own ** house in the book
I had a long period of depression, and I completely surrendered these depressions to the words.
Desire it to catch them, and not to become a broken ground.
The first book that caught my depression was Mr. Shi Tiesheng's "Me and the Altar of Earth", and the WeChat reading was full of traces of me savoring the words word by word. I later bought a paper edition of the book and planned to start rereading it.
Maybe it's because of the experience, it's not hard to read. In that book, I had a heart-to-heart collision, and the words slowly knocked on the door of my heart, begging me to open the door of my heart.
It's amazing that I listened to them like that.
Thankfully, I complied. And I had to listen, and I reacted.
Those are the words that I and you can see now.
04 Although broken, it is always bright
When I'm sad, I write some, and if it doesn't feel right, I cross out some more. I thought about it and thought about it, and it went on and on.
The black cat that climbs the eaves, the recipe of a piece of greenery, and the poem that writes endless love.
The focus of life has become recuperation, and I have gradually liked some simple and romantic things.
I reveal some and hide some of them, some of which you can see if you look at me, and some of which you need to be very close to me to hear.
This is the original intention of the name, although I have read some books, when it comes to choosing a name, I choose to listen to the voice of the moment. When I first thought I should choose a name for it, the words "Half Wheel Full Moon" jumped out of my heart.
It's a lot like my moment, my tears are like a rag, wipe it, and the half moon on my heart is always bright, no matter when.
When I joined the Faculty Literature Club in college, I learned about "free writing" for the first time.
Whether it's simple and straightforward, or piling up rhetoric, the expression of emotions is always the first priority.
My freedom lies in being unrestrained, in confessing loneliness and joy, in meeting and saying goodbye, in the circle that surrounds my life.
From everything in that circle, but not to the circle, there is always a pair of ideal antennae, restlessly looking out into the unknown.
I'd rather receive a letter from you than a private message. The social part is my ruled area.
Even in my previous career plan, I was the one who had to stand on a three-foot podium every day.
Now that the three-foot podium has fallen, social phobia is deepening day by day.
So that's why I'm reluctant to reply to private messages, and if you like it, then we can always talk naturally.
I would prefer to receive your letters, to tell me about the joys and sorrows of recent days, to share the joys and sorrows of life, even if it is just plain to tell your story.
Sharing between people is like a gentle bump, long or short, my mailbox is always open for you.
If you are also a little social phobic and lazy like me, you can also comment, I have received every word of yours.
Or do nothing at all, just quietly look at my words, and I will be sincerely happy.
The warmth of the text may be the other self you long to hug. Every pair of eyes holds unspeakable secrets. We met in words.
When you look at me, you are my ferry