My girlfriend invited me to lunch, a two-hour meal, and she ended up spending an hour telling me about their trip this summer. One island and one hotel, yacht and private jet, the ** RMB is close to seven figures!
She was as excited as a fifteen-year-old girl who had just fallen in love, and received an invitation to the school grass's dance party, her eyes were bright, her cheeks were rosy, and every strand of hair exuded hormonal anticipation.
And I listened calmly while eating the butter-fried tongue sole.
If this had been five years ago, I might have thought she was showing off to me; If I had been envious, jealous and hateful ten years ago, it would have made my emotions envious and lost for a while, and I would have gone home to have a big quarrel with my husband.
But friends for more than ten years have come to the present, and they know themselves and each other for a few pounds and taels, so I know that she told me because there is no one else to say, no one will believe it except me, she just wants to share happiness.
After she finished talking about the last little detail, she took a bite of her own portion of the tongue sole, which had been completely cold, and then let out a breath and said, "Okay, it's really a bit of a sin to spend money like this, but this is probably the ** to heal the pain, so you see, how difficult my life is." ”
I said, "What? Sister, do you want to prove that your life is painful with seven figures? ”
She didn't answer me directly, but asked, "Come and tell me, how have you been happy lately?" ”
I? I stumbled for twenty seconds, my head swept over me like a laser, and I said, "Nothing." ”
But after all, I am a person who writes for a living, and I can't let the words fall to the ground, so I quickly added: "Peace is a blessing." As long as nothing bad happens, for me, it's happy. ”
She nodded, and took advantage of the gap between eating fish and said, "Yes, so, you are not very happy." ”
It was my lunch on Monday, and at noon on Tuesday, another friend came to meet me up.
Usually when I go to Paris for dinner with my girlfriends, I mainly live in the suburbs, which is not very convenient. And on Tuesday, this best friend would rather take a taxi in the winter rain to come to me, not so much to have lunch as to complain to me about her husband.
A middle-aged woman complains about her husband, which is natural and not novel at all, but the point of her complaint is different from ordinary people.
For her, the biggest bad thing about her husband is: too good, too family-oriented.
Her husband, graduated from a prestigious school, has a high salary, everything is centered on her, helps her take care of everything, and has no requirements for her, more than forty, the only hobby is cycling, or when she sleeps lazily on weekend mornings, she only goes, and when she comes back, she doesn't forget to buy freshly baked butter croissants for her and the children.
Hey, although I live west of Paris, quite close to Versailles, but sister, we don't need to be so Versailles, right?
This time I ordered Norwegian rainbow trout with red brown rice, the red brown rice is a bit hard to bite, and I bite and say, "So your troubles are actually in the midst of blessings and do not know the blessings, so that you are full of food and have nothing to do." ”
She nodded like a chicken pecking rice, "I know, I think I'm annoying too!" But you know, the whole world thinks that I burn high incense, but I always feel that life is tasteless, woody, almost meaningless. ”
I said, "Yes! Next time, I must want to remind your husband, don't pick the old lady, the assistant should not pick the old lady, recruit a graduate student who has just graduated, and take a business trip or something, see if you still feel bored! ”
The two of us looked at each other for a moment, then laughed, covered our mouths together, tried not to be in the restaurant, and laughed loudly.
We laugh because, in fact, what she said, I understand; And what I said, she also agreed, but in the midst of it, no one can change the pain of not knowing the blessing in the midst of blessings.
With the superposition of age and marriage, before I knew it, my forty-plus girlfriends and I had entered a new stage of life one after another.
After the first 20 years of hard work, our house is placed, the children are older, the money is almost the same, the face is not too broken, the husband who has quarreled 10,000 times is still by his side and loyal, on the surface, we have more or less owned, the rock-solid happy life that we once longed for, prosperous and stable.
In fact, stability means stalemate, prosperity brings burnout, and having means no longer being fresh, and having everything is just no happiness.
We all know by now that happiness is actually a chemical reaction because the brain secretes dopamine.
But the brain will not secrete dopamine for no reason, after all, it is quite tired, and it always needs some external stimulation, such as the love of the mountains and tombs, the beautiful scenery of the bright moon on the sea, or the long-awaited baby ......
However, when everything has been tried, everything has been had, and everything is not lacking, for middle-aged women in their forties and fifties, there is a kind of happiness in this world, which is called the whole world thinks you are happy.
It's not that I'm unhappy, it's not that I'm dissatisfied, it's not that I'm not satisfied, it's just, but ......
No matter how amazing the cliff-like aging is, it is not the nasolabial folds that quietly climb on the face, but the less and less dopamine.
So lately, I've been having lunch with my girlfriends, mainly women in their forties, and if you don't clear the cache that has been piled up in your conscious memory, you really can't guarantee normal operation on other days.
Therefore, this is also the most practical kind of female friendship, the example of girls helping girls.
On the surface, it seems that it is a group of boring women complaining about their husbands together, mainly because husbands and marriage are the most clear and easy to understand and easy to complain about in a woman's life.
In fact, the unsatisfactory that women are more entangled in is that they can't say it, mainly because it's messy, too trivial, and can't be said clearly.
I've also talked to some of my girlfriends whose children have gone to college or even left home, and they all come to the conclusion that "when you get here, marriage is basically a matter of success if it doesn't work out." Haha, you have to be careful. ”
It turns out that before the two of them completely become the couple hanging on the wall, the most vulnerable time is not to make money together, fight for careers, raise children, and build houses ......Those hysterical, exhausting days.
After all, the harder it is, the more bitter it is, the more cold it is, and the tighter it twists.
Rather, when there is no longer any rigid need in actual life, and the relationship is maintained only by feelings, the marriage has really entered a crisis stage, and it is frightening step by step.
Some people travel with seven figures, some people complain about their excellent husbands, and I try to make sure that I quarrel with Mr. Lu every two or three days.
The main thing is that now I can win every time I fight, and I am really happy to see him jump up and down like a balloon, and my dopamine comes back, and indeed, I am a little hateful to do this.
Therefore, when people reach middle age, on the way to create happiness, everyone is the eight immortals who cross the sea to show their magical powers, and the result is more important than the process, as long as you get through it, you can become a Buddha on the ground.