I was chatting with a friend the other day. My friend complained about her mother, my mother has a cousin's daughter, who is graduating next year and is going to do an internship now, so she asked her friend to help her find a job in Shenzhen, and her mother also suggested that this daughter go to live in a friend's house. My friend blew up on the spot, saying that he was "unwilling": I found a job by myself, who didn't find it by myself, and besides, I am not a company leader, and if I want to live, I will rent a house by myself! But the mother also didn't understand, and taught her daughter "how to do a favor to relatives", it is estimated that this relative has a request for her mother, and her mother played a package ticket, and her daughter rejected it like this, and her mother also felt that it was not good to refuse her relatives. Friend's mother: This is my uncle's daughter's child, my cousin, we had a good time when we were young, and now her daughter has no job, so do her a favor! But my friend thinks: These are all relatives who have never seen it during the New Year's holidays, and if they can help, they can help, and if they can't help, they can't help! In the end, my friend's mother sighed, "Now these relatives are getting weaker and weaker"! There is an old saying: "One generation of relatives, two representatives, three generations and four generations are not gone", which is very wonderful! X sauce is also very emotional, with the development of society, the phenomenon of "three generations of relatives" is highlighted. 
The older generation of brothers share weal and woe, father and brother are like brothers, to the grandchildren, only when it is time for the New Year's holiday, due to the expansion of the relationship between the older generation in the family, they will go together to get together to maintain the long-term continuation of the family ethics and filial piety of the society, but after the party, everyone goes to the east and west, each goes to the future, and rarely contacts in daily life. The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and the phenomenon of breaking off relatives will be more obvious, so today we will take this topic to talk about "breaking relatives".
Why don't people like to visit relatives during the New Year? The so-called severance of relatives means not leaving relatives, lazy, negligent or even disdainful of interacting with relatives other than the second generation. According to an online social survey report, 33% of netizens will only visit their relatives during the Chinese New Year, which has been reduced to a formality; 10% feel indifferent to relatives and not as close as friends; There are also 5% of netizens who usually do not contact their relatives, and they belong to the Three Treasures Hall for nothing. Since the end of 2021, there has been a large number of content on the phenomenon of "post-90s family breaking" on the Internet, and the reasons are summarized as distrust, loss of interest maintenance, psychological trauma, etc. Let's take a look at the real feelings of everyone leaving their relatives. 
"Relatives who haven't seen each other for a few years don't even know what to call them."Netizen @小刘: Every year the Chinese New Year is an embarrassing chat, for my kind of social fear is torture, relatives who haven't seen me for a few years, I don't even know what their names are and what they do, **No, a group of people gather together, listen to them chat, not interested in a word, except for eating, bowing their heads and playing with their mobile phones, I don't want to do anything. "The most annoying relatives ask about privacy".Netizen @cousin: Every year the party is a topic ten years ago, people talk awkwardly, and they ask about everything, no privacy, ask about learning, ask emotions, ask objects, and the most annoying aunts and aunts are saying some counterwords under the banner of being good for you, in fact, it is to satisfy their desire to win, and to explore other people's privacy is also to secretly rejoice in the bottom of their hearts. "The heart is too strong to show off".Bosom friend @ Runtu Wanhu Hou: At the dinner table, my cousin showed himself: The current college students are really useless, they get two or three thousand yuan a month, and after reading books for more than ten years, they don't earn as much as me burning kilns. Bosom friend @黄焖鸡屎饭: My cousin looked for a mistress during the newlywed honeymoon period and made his belly bigger, so he divorced his original partner and married the mistress again. And I was still a single dog a few years after graduation, which is the background. The year before last, during the holidays, relatives ate together, my aunt knew that I was still single, and it hurt me when I opened my mouth, it was useless to go to college, and I couldn't even find the object after learning so much (my cousin graduated from a technical school), and then even my parents were damaged, saying that my parents were useless, and she was going to hold her grandson (the junior was about to give birth), which made the atmosphere very uncomfortableSome relatives really see too much and increase their troubles, it is better not to see them, and after a long time, everyone is becoming less and less familiar. 
Why does the phenomenon of severance occur? It is generally believed that modern people are under great pressure to survive, have no time to take into account the feelings of relatives, and lack of awareness of the boundaries of relatives' interactions, resulting in very tired interactions. (1) The phenomenon of severing relatives in the benefit societyIn the past, kinship was in a very important position in society, the purpose was to improve the survival and development of the whole family, but now the interest relationship occupies the main force. Kinship is a social relationship based on blood ties, which is based on the social relations that occur through procreation and marriage. In Chinese society, kinship is the basic direction of the "differential order pattern" proposed by Mr. Fei Xiaotong, that is, around the ranking of blood relatives, the formation of a circle form of social relationship distance. The first is an emotionally based marriage relationship consisting of a husband and wife and unmarried children, and the second is a union of siblings and their children or more families linked by blood. In the birth of the Internet and the traditional society, transportation and information are relatively closed, people's social activity space is relatively limited, "production and life", "trust relationship" and "mutual aid resources" rely on various kinship relationships to a large extent, so relatives are the most reliable and stable social relations. In traditional social life, everyone is indoctrinated and subordinated to the family or clan system from an early age, so that they can get the help, support and security they want as much as possible. Traditional social and economic development is slow, people's quality of life is poor, and social risks can only be resisted by expanding the size of the family. The tighter the network of kinship, the greater the chances that people will receive help when they take on emergencies. Therefore, there used to be a saying that "distant relatives are better than close neighbors", and people trying to find ways to climb relatives has become a kind of survival wisdom. However, after entering a modern, open, and highly mobile society, people's social network structure has undergone great changes. Some scholars have pointed out that in the lives of ordinary Chinese, due to the influence of political structure and economic structure, it is impossible for power and interest factors not to penetrate into family affection, and family affection, friendship, and friendship are weak in the face of "interests" and "power". For example, the brothers quarreled over the issue of demolition; Relatives between the same generations for real estate; After making money, people will compare with their peers, and the comparison heart cuts off the family relationship; Children will also be used as a tool for adults to compare; In short, there are many contradictions in the fight for interests. 
Source: Veer(2) Involution of society leads to family severanceThe "involution" society is mainly reflected in a phenomenon of high competition among peer groups. From the perspective of sociology, involution resonates with people, and excessive competition between peer groups competes for social resources, causing people's anxiety and internal friction. This is not only an important driving force for activating the continuous progress of society, but also objectively causes the increase of individual competition pressure. On the basis of the decline of traditional kinship and the close relationship between new peers and classmates, young people have gradually developed a group of classmates who are closer to good friends in life, psychology and emotion. Over time, in the daily life of young people growing up, relatives are "absent" or replaced by "friends", which leads to the "disconnection" behavior of becoming inevitable. (3) Urban mobility causes disconnectionUrbanization is the process of migration of people from rural areas to cities, and the new social mobility caused by urbanization and industrialization has greatly accelerated the separation of family members. With the development of university education in China in the 90s, many rural children were admitted to universities and diverted to major cities to work and have children after graduation. This social mobility and separation of places of residence has led to the separation of many children from their own small number of siblings, resulting in a lack of intimate contact and frequent interaction with relatives in the next generation. 
Source: Veer
Does the disconnection mean that people are becoming more and more apathetic? Breaking off relatives does not mean that people are becoming more and more apathetic. In fact, the phenomenon of severing relatives in society has always been a norm in western developed countries, and this utilitarian society will inevitably lead to the occurrence of the phenomenon of "severance of relatives". According to Rogess, human relationships are divided into primary and secondary relationships. Primary relationships (e.g., consanguinity groups) are decreasing in importance, while secondary relationships (e.g., formal organizations, institutions, and commercial corporations of common interest) are increasing in importance. Compared to the widespread and powerful kinship nepotism of the past, today's kinship chain is shortened and greatly weakened. Young people who are reluctant to go to relatives no longer rely on "blood" as the support for their emotional pursuit, but prefer a simpler and purer kinship in life. The stronger the control of life, the more people rely on their personal ability to obtain resources, rather than relying on blood ties to maintain a sense of security, enter the [Solution X] applet Find this test to see your life control mode [Free].
Write at the endWith the evolution of civilization and the development of society, the connection between people no longer relies too much on kinship to establish a sense of security. The traditional kinship relationship in life is too sticky and has no boundaries, which can easily lead to conflicts and dislikes. The occurrence of the "tide of breaking off relatives" is also the inevitable result of making people helpless and sad. In any case, people want to have a pure and simple circle of relatives, not to intrigue with each other for comparison, showing off, and calculation. I hope that everyone will meet relatives who respect the boundaries of others. references：———1] hu xiaowu, han tianze. youth "broken marriage": why did it happen? where to go and where to follow? [j] chinese youth research, 2022, (05): 37-43. doi: 10.19633/j.cnki.11-2579/d2022.0063Author: kkTypesetting: kkClick on the card below to followSolve x psychology
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