When school starts, is your child happily returning to school, or is it reluctant to welcome the new semester?
On the seventh day of the Lunar New Year, before school started, a mother walked into the clinic with her child, and the mother "cried" that the child was unwilling to continue studying, and held her mobile phone throughout the winter vacation, but she had not read much of the book, and used "threatening" language to talk to her parents, and her parents were extremely stunned, and they couldn't believe that this was still a well-behaved girl raised by themselves! After inquiry, it turned out that the girl had been in a bad mood for two years, especially inattentive when studying, and always felt that her ears were buzzing, but these feelings could not be confided, irritable, and panicked, so she transferred her emotions that she could not express to the game, which could be postponed. When discussing the start of school, I felt harsh when I heard the voice, and my emotions became more intense, so I couldn't help but "attack" my mother, and then I felt that I was not doing it properly, and asked my mother for forgiveness. Through detailed questioning and observation, it was initially determined that the girl was actually a depressive episode, with persistent cognitive impairment, resulting in a decline in learning ability, and excessive behavior and even aggressive tendencies when emotionally unstable. After explaining to the parents, the mother slowly understood that there were many emotional and psychological changes behind the child's gradually changing behavior.
When school starts, some children may not adapt to the free life of the winter vacation and return to the regular life of the school collective. How should parents deal with conflicts and conflicts at this stage? It is advisable to observe and help.
1. What to observe?
1.Pay attention to the emotions and needs behind the adolescent's behavior: observe whether the child's motivation, interest, willingness, ability and social function are the same as before, and whether the emotional pleasure of learning and socializing decreases; and to see if the child's needs for self-esteem development match those of their peers. If these aspects are very different from those of your peers, you should seek consultation with a psychologist in time.
2.Pay attention to the behavior of adolescents: Observe whether adolescents can gradually learn to adapt and adjust, learn behavioral norms, and how to abide by behavioral norms in the microcirculatory social environment of home and school, which is a very important influencing factor in adolescent personality development. If you always avoid socializing with your classmates, speak less, act lazily, lie in bed at every turn, react to your parents' regular requirements, are easily irritated, lose your temper, and are overly sensitive to interpersonal relationships, parents should also see the clues from the teenager's behavior and communicate in a timely manner.
3.Focus on the "inner world" of teenagers: The "inner world" of adolescents means deep inner feelings, inner ways of knowing the world. In the outpatient clinic, it is common to encounter some teenagers who have a great sense of pain, and parents use their own cognition to interpret it, such as "she plays too much with her mobile phone and lacks exercise, so she is unhappy" or "she has been chatting with others at night and has not slept enough" and so on; However, they are unable to deeply understand the inner pain and feelings of teenagers, such as "helpless", "unable to lift their spirits no matter what", "unable to feel energetic", "even dizzy and unable to focus", "afraid that others will not like them", "they all hate me and even avoid talking to me", etc. By recognizing the inner world of teenagers, they can better understand them and thus help them.
2. How can I help?
Parents should act as supporters to help coordinate and structure the school life so that the youth can better adapt to the rhythm of school life.
1.Actively encourage and build a regular rhythm of life: When teenagers avoid regular life, parents can help make plans and correct them in time, so that they can see that they can observe the time and carry out regular life, so as to establish confidence in regular life, and reward teenagers when they do very well to achieve positive guidance.
2.Accompany teenagers and learn to build peer friendships to win support: School is the base for peer relationship construction, where you can gain friendship support, peer respect and recognition, although sometimes there are some unpleasant experiences, to help teenagers understand that "unpleasant" is only part of the experience, and will gain more respect for hard work, helping others, academic progress, etc., and learning to build a positive cycle.
3.Encourage teenagers to learn to "work as a team" in group life: The charm of the school is that it gathers like-minded teenagers here, encourages them to read books or group activities together in school groups, actively communicates the joy of influence, self-growth, and encourages them to share sad and sad moments in their growth, so that they no longer feel alone. Parents can participate in the process to guide their cognitive exploration, so that the teenagers can feel the recognition of their parents, and also enable them to deeply understand the limitations of self-development and the importance of "communication and cooperation".
4.Encourage young people to build "normative" behaviors: From ancient times to the present, everything has rules and circles, and the normative behaviors that teenagers learn in the school environment during their growth. Therefore, parents should continue to support and encourage adolescents to have the ability to regulate behavior, and constantly encourage them to gradually learn normative behavior from school, respect the old and love the young in the family, and be restrained and polite in society.
School is a place for young people to feel the love and support of their peers. In the beginning of the school season, parents can help their children return to this "loving" place, they can gain knowledge and growth, and at the same time, they will also find problems in the company and seek help from professionals in time, so as to better help teenagers grow.
Author: Science Popularization Officer of the Tenth Hospital, Deputy Chief Physician of the Department of Psychiatry of Shanghai Tenth People's Hospital.