What if the heartache doesn't comfort people?
Have you ever had the experience of clumsily standing awkwardly when your friend is sad and crying, anxious, but you don't know how to comfort? Or are you trying to say a lot of things, only to find that the other person's emotions are not alleviated, but even more depressed?
I believe that many people have encountered such embarrassing scenes. Comforting people, seemingly simple, is actually a very deep knowledge. So, what if it doesn't comfort people? Don't worry, let me tell you a story first.
Xiaomei is a cheerful girl with many friends. But she has a secret that no one knows—she's not really good at comforting people. Whenever a friend comes to her to talk about something, she always doesn't know what to say. Once, her best friend Xiaoli was severely criticized by her boss for making a mistake at work, and she was very depressed. Xiaomei looked at Xiaoli's red and swollen eyes, and she was very anxious.
How can I comfort her? Xiaomei pondered in her heart. She tried to say, "Don't take it too seriously, everyone makes mistakes." But Xiaoli didn't feel better after hearing this, but became even more depressed. Xiaomei's heart tightened, and she realized that she might have said the wrong thing.
In fact, Xiaomei made a very common mistake: she tried to comfort Xiaoli with a universal fact such as "everyone makes mistakes", but ignored that Xiaoli needed emotional support and understanding at the moment, rather than simple rational analysis.
So, what's the right thing to do? Counsellors tell us that effective comfort should be based on empathy. In other words, we need to try to understand the other person's feelings first, and then support them accordingly. For example, Xiaomei could say something like, "I know you must be sad right now. Actually, I've always seen your hard work at work. It's just a minor setback, and I'm sure you'll be able to pick yourself up soon. ”
Such words not only expressed her emotional understanding of Xiaoli, but also gave her positive encouragement and support. I believe that after listening to Xiaoli, her mood will be greatly relieved.
Of course, there are many more comforting techniques. For example, we can ask questions to guide the other person to express their emotions. You can use your own experiences to empathize with the other person; You can also give the other person some specific advice to help them get out of the situation. But in any case, the most important thing is to have a sincere heart. Only sincerity can make our comfort truly touching.
Back to Xiaomei's story. Later, under the guidance of a psychological counselor, Xiaomei gradually learned how to comfort people. She found that it was not so difficult to comfort people. As long as she listens, understands, and supports with her heart, she can bring great comfort and strength to her friends.
So, if you don't feel like you're comforting, you might as well start learning now. Remember, the highest level of comfort is not to say profound truths, but to warm every heart in need of comfort with your sincerity and kindness.