Author: Wolong Xinshu, Senior Psychological and Emotional Counselor:
What is the purpose of playing with scumbags?What kind of results do we want?As a victim, do you really know?
There are many female friends who have been hurt by scumbags, some women can get out in time, and some women can't do it. Because, it involves marriage, children and personal interests, because it involves one's own attachment and reluctance and unwillingness.
I can understand the bitterness, helplessness and despair of female friends who can't get out in time, and I can also understand the deep affection, unwillingness, fear and inferiority contained in it.
However, I would like to say to my female friends: worries and worries will only hurt you.
It's like a female friend who bought the column course ""The Way of Heaven" and "Humanity": Dissecting the Weaknesses of the Original Match, Revealing the Attribution of Betrayal, and Teaching You the Way of Heaven and Man", her husband betrayed her, what about her?Worried about the children, worried about his future life, and didn't dare to push his husband too much.
The result?She endured again and again, in exchange for her husband taking the initiative to divorce her for the sake of her lover.
I gave her a lot of advice, and I also asked her to use more of the methods mentioned in the column course ""The Way of Heaven and Humanity": Dissecting the Weaknesses of the Original Match, Revealing the Attribution of Betrayal, and Teaching You the Way of Heaven and Man", but she didn't listen, she was afraid that her children would be hurt, and she was afraid that she would be divorced.
Quality Author List Unlike that female friend, another female friend who bought the column course ""The Way of Heaven" and "Humanity": Dissecting the Weaknesses of the Original Match, Revealing the Attribution of Betrayal, and Teaching You the Way of Heaven and Man", her husband had affairs with multiple women outside, and I advised her to force her husband to return to the family by thunderous means, but she did not dare to do so because she was afraid that she would be divorced.
The result?Her husband and her lover outside calculated her, and she was forced to leave the house.
Good people do not necessarily get good rewards, because if our "good" is given to "bad people or villains", our "good" will become a means for such people to oppress us for a long time. Moreover, our "goodness" is given to such people, and such people will live comfortably, happily, and contentmently, and we will suffer a lot because of it.
As a mature woman, we should realize this, and we must not let go of the scumbag who hurt us because of worries and worries.
Analyzing scumbags from a woman's point of view, I personally believe that scumbags will have 3 calculations and cause 3 kinds of harm to women.
Calculation 1 is to calculate the value of maintaining family stability attached to women themselves. Calculation two, calculate the value of women raising children. Calculation three, calculate the emotional value of women as well as the physical value.
Hurt one, women will fall into despair and grief because of the repeated betrayal of scumbags. Harm two, women will lose the benefits they should get because of the scumbag's calculations. Harm three, women will fall into the pain of inferiority, helplessness, loss, and insecurity because of the scumbag's repeated betrayals.
These 3 calculations and these 3 injuries are catastrophic blows again and again for women.
If you want to deal with scumbags and prevent being hurt twice, I have 3 suggestions.
Suggestion 1, female friends must pick up the courage to divorce and the confidence to live independently, and propose to break up or divorce with the scumbag. Maybe this suggestion will make female friends feel unwilling, but if they don't do it, the scumbag will cause two or three injuries to female friends, and the more times they are hurt, the lives of female friends will be ruined.
Suggestion 2, female friends must seize the evidence of the scumbag's betrayal, and use its evidence to coerce and persecute, if the scumbag pretends to compromise, my suggestion is to use the same attitude to let everyone know what the scumbag has done, and destroy the scumbag's career and reputation.
Suggestion 3: If your female friends are young, I don't recommend having children at the time of divorce, because it is difficult to find a good partner with children, and it is difficult to have a happy family. If the female friends are unmarried, my advice is to get rid of the children and start a new life, and if the female friends are no longer able to get rid of the children, put the children in a welfare home, or give them to the man's parents.
For suggestion 3, some female friends may think that I am ruthless and selfish, but the thing I want to say is: if you don't plan to remarry, you can keep the children by your side to take care of them, but if you plan to remarry, not having children is the best choice for you.
Don't ignore the real problems and leave the child to the scumbag, it may be a cruel thing for the child, but for you, it is something that can maximize the benefits.
It is an extremely selfish thought and behavior that people do not destroy heaven and earth for their own sake. But this is the way this world is, good people don't necessarily have good rewards, and bad people don't necessarily have bad lives.
Maintaining a certain amount of kindness is the law of managing life, but we cannot have absolute kindness, otherwise, our kindness will hinder us from achieving the desired happy life.
Remember: this world is a world ruled by the laity, not by good people.
Recognize the reality, accept the reality, in the game with the scumbag, you must have the attitude of giving up everything and not caring about everything, and use its ruthless means to protect yourself.