Pan: I feel like I solved a problem yesterday.
Over the past year or so, my weight has steadily recovered to what I didn't have four years ago, and I've probably gained ten pounds of meat. I feel miserable because my body wants to eat, especially sweet in winter, but I don't accept that I am fat, and there is a conflict of inconsistency.
Looking at my body fat, I was slightly overweight, and the doctor said I had too little muscle. Looking at the appearance, it is not very fat, of course, it did look better when it was thin before.
The first layer of sadness I see is that I feel like I can't control my body.
The second layer is that I hate being fat, because I think that being fat is equal to having no sense of worth, which is equivalent to doing wrong. In the past, I believed that if you are fat, you will "gain the disgust and rejection of others, you will be considered lazy, have no self-control, you will lose a lot of opportunities, no one will love, and you will be unhealthy".
This was my old credo. I guess my mother gave it to me when I was a child. But after writing it, I found that it seemed to be all labels, and decided to disassemble it:
1.What is the source of the disgust of others?
It comes from a change in the state of mind of another person. If I am fat and make others uncomfortable, it is an attack on the outer edge of the ego (values) of others. The dislike of other aspects, that is, other aspects, has nothing to do with the variable that I am fat.
2.What is laziness and poor self-control?
It's a label. I want to eat, in fact, I have made a lot of progress, there are times when I eat, but I don't overeat, I eat more mindfully. There could be more mindfulness practice in this area. But what is laziness and poor self-control? I can't seem to give an exact definition. Probably not being able to accomplish a goal. Then this is the lack of internal motivation or the lack of external persecution. From this point of view, diligence and self-control are not the same in each event.
3.Lost a lot of opportunities? What opportunities will be lost?
Is there a promotion and a raise? It has nothing to do with being fat. The opportunities I can think of are those that require a high level of image. For example, TV interviews, hosting, competitions. These opportunities themselves rarely arise, and image is only one of the requirements. Will I be sad if I lose these opportunities? Would I be sad if I lost my chance because I was fat? Will I be sad if I lose the opportunity because I am not good in other areas? I found that I still have to learn about that specific situation. But when I imagined it, I did feel a little painful, a pain of being abandoned, of not having a sense of worth.
4.Nobody loves?
My lover, family and friends, still love me.
5.Unhealthy?
I do have a slight concern that the visceral fat level is a little higher, but it is within the normal range. This is the actual effect on the body, but the inner ranking is at the end.
After the analysis, the vague concepts in the brain are much clearer.
I want to lose a little weight. Go for that little bit of effort. Pain and internal friction don't help much.
I'm not good at controlling my body, so I don't put my sense of worth at this point. I have a lot of things to be good at.
I didn't understand why my husband didn't care about his shortcomings and weaknesses, but felt confident in what he was good at. In the past, I felt that I was only valuable if I was "all-encompassing". Today I came to this conclusion myself: what you are not good at, what you can't control, then let it go. I have my own points of footing, those points that I am good at. This is the process of solidifying the core of the self.
Author: Pan. Edit: Panpan of the little assistant eating sugar-free taro puree.
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