Anyone who cares about the fate of others must lose some of his own freedom. – Stefan Zweig.
I saw a story today and felt quite touching.
The story is about a girl's father who has done quite successfully in his career, but the peach blossom luck has never stopped.
After countless years of quarrels, the girl's father eventually divorced her mother, who died of illness shortly after the divorce.
Soon, Dad married a second wife, and the two had a son.
From childhood to adulthood, the girl lived with her grandparents and boarded in the middle school in her hometown. Grandma kept telling her that your father still loves you, and he has never been vague about his material life over the years.
From the bottom of her heart, the girl's relationship with her father is particularly estranged, especially the fact that her father is unfaithful to her mother, she has never been able to let go. But after all, she is related by blood, and she has grown up all the way, and she has always been paid by her father, and her heart is quite entangled.
When she was 28 years old, her father had a stroke and was lying in bed, and her stepmother seemed to be the kind of person who lacked patience with patients and did not take good care of him. Often, days have passed, and his clothes have still not been changed, and the whole person looks very sloppy.
The girl suddenly felt very sorry for her father, so she volunteered to take care of him several times.
She was very worried that her father's money in his later years would be cheated out by her stepmother, and she felt that she needed to rescue her father from her stepmother's control.
However, her own salary is not high, and the burden on her family is also very large, which makes her feel very worried.
Because even if she succeeds in rescuing her father, how will she maintain the family's life? She needs to find a way to solve this problem and make sure that her father can enjoy his old age in peace.
I'm actually quite emotional about this story.
I remember Mark Levy has a very famous sentence in the book "The Man Who Stole Shadows": "You can't interfere in other people's lives, even if it's for the good of them, you can't interfere, because that's his life." ”
To tell the truth, the girl's father and she are actually two families now, it is better to return to the origin, she only needs to do her duty as a daughter.
There is no need to pay too much attention to how he treated her mother in the past, and there is no need to pay attention to how he gets along with his family now, and how his family treats him. These complex relationships should not be conflated, as they simply cannot be distinguished.
Dad's current family is his own life choice, and the distribution of his future property should be decided by himself. Whether she is deceived or not, the girl does not need to worry too much.
As an adult, he does not have the financial means and does not allow the girl to participate too much in his life in terms of time. If you keep insisting on intervening in his life, you will only consume your energy and drag down your life.
So, in fact, the girl needs to learn to let go and not dwell too much on the past. She can do her part as a daughter, care for him and take care of him, but don't interfere too much in his family affairs.
Everyone's life needs to go back to the basics and focus on their family and career so that they can live a better life.
In the book "The Courage to Be Hated", there is a very important concept called "subject separation". This concept refers to the fact that each person has his or her own life issues and needs to bear the corresponding consequences.
In all relationships, we need to be clear about the boundaries between ourselves and others, and not worry too much about other people's problems, unless the other person clearly signals us to ask for help.
Just like the relationship between her father and his current wife, which is a subject that the two of them need to face and deal with, it is difficult and has no right for outsiders to interfere. If you forcibly intervene, it is likely to cause unnecessary contradictions and **, and may even make them disgusted with you.
In all relationships, it is necessary to maintain an appropriate distance and respect, and not to interfere excessively in the issues of other people's lives.
Let go of the complex of helping others and respect the fate of others, I agree with this sentence more and more.
I know that only people with good hearts will have a helping complex, but it is also easier to hurt yourself.
I have two principles, the first of which is no regrets. The second principle is not to be easily sympathetic.
There is a sentence that may not sound very good, the girl's father has experienced so many years of ups and downs, enjoyed the youth and beauty of others, and also enjoyed the fertility of others, so naturally there is some price to pay.
In fact, if the girl tries to think about your stepmother from a different angle, she may agree with the feeling of a stepmother who has been boiling into a concubine for many years.
This is not to say that everyone should strive for this outcome, but sometimes there is a need to maintain a balance and compromise in life. After all, there are many complex situations and choices in life, and you need to learn to understand and accept different outcomes.
There is another sentence that is even more heart-wrenching, the girl's father may have mastered many of the stepmother's "secrets and weaknesses" in his past marriage, so he has been holding each other for many years.
Now he is old, sick, unable to take care of himself, and needs the other party's care, so the other party has also begun to take care of him. This is quite normal.
Because when people get old, they are no longer "the center of the world", but need the care and care of others. You have to learn to adapt and accept this change.
I understood the girl's feelings of pity for her father, because she saw the contrast between his current state and the prime of his previous years. But if his wife was disgusted with him, it was also because she witnessed his wealthy and domineering appearance.
As long as the girl's father was in control of his finances, he would be able to make a relatively decent living.
As for the girl, I think she should focus on her own life, focus on her own growth and development, and not get too caught up in the problems of others.
Each of us should live simply, let go of the complex of helping others, and respect the fate of others.