My husband's aunt passed away suddenly, and my father-in-law from my hometown called, urgently asking us to go back with our children. He emphasized the local customs, saying that as a daughter-in-law, I also need to wear linen and filial piety according to the traditional customs.
When his aunt died, as a nephew, he should go home to mourn no matter where his husband is. However, I was troubled by the fact that I was asked to wear filial piety, especially since I had to take care of a child under the age of one.
When an aunt dies, is it necessary to let my niece and daughter-in-law go back to the vigil?
My husband and I were both college classmates, and after graduation, we chose to settle in Zhengzhou, the city where we went to school. The two of us come from different places, he was born in rural Henan, and I am from a county under the jurisdiction of Shandong.
Since our two families are not wealthy, when we graduated and got married, my husband's family only gave a bride price of 11,000. Although he used the money to buy me a gold necklace and a gold ring, claiming to have been funded by his family, I knew it was his own hard-earned savings.
At the beginning, my parents-in-law said that they planned to demolish the family's old house and build a new house for us as a wedding house, but after many years, the plan has not been implemented. In the end, my husband and I paid for the renovation out of our own pockets with a little more money.
Since we have been working outside for a long time, we rarely go back to our hometown to live, so I don't care too much about these things, as long as I go home and have a place to live.
I chose to follow my husband because I liked his steadyness, willingness to work and sense of responsibility. Although my family is not wealthy, I believe that as long as I rely on myself, I will one day usher in changes. Therefore, when I got married, I not only brought back a bride price of 11,000 yuan, but also an additional 20,000 yuan.
At that time, the housing prices in Zhengzhou were not very high, and 80,000 yuan was enough to pay a down payment for a 70-square-meter second-hand house. So, my husband resolutely borrowed 50,000 yuan, and a total of more than 80,000 ** purchased a 70-square-meter second-hand house in Zhengzhou, thus starting a happy life for our small family.
We welcomed our first child, and we had no plans to have another child. But as the children gradually grew up, coupled with a slight improvement in the economy, and the country's implementation of the policy of liberalizing the second and third children, we decided to usher in the second child.
Now the second child is less than a year old, and I am responsible for raising it full-time.
The husband mentioned that considering the aging and physical health of the parents, they cannot afford to take care of the child. Therefore, when I was the eldest child, my mother-in-law used to help take care of me for half a year, and after the birth of the second child, she took care of me for a month's confinement.
I can understand all of this. After all, parents will grow old slowly, and it is difficult to maintain good health. Although we have not been able to live together, we have always lived happily ever after in our own way, with only a few days a year when we can return to our hometown.
Having said all this, I want to emphasize that my husband and I are both honest people. He is steady, knows how to take care of the family, and is filial to his parents, and I am not a much-busy, picky daughter-in-law.
However, this time, the death of my husband and aunt made me feel a little dissatisfied with my father-in-law's attitude.
Frankly, even though my husband and I have been married for many years, I really don't remember what his aunt looked like.
Since I only go home for a few days at a time during the Chinese New Year, getting along with these relatives and friends is like a passing guest. In addition, I am a daughter-in-law from other places, and it is difficult to communicate with them in depth, so I am not very familiar with many relatives.
Therefore, when my father-in-law said that he wanted me to go home and wear linen and filial piety, I felt a little unbelievable!
I took the two children back to my hometown, the eldest is relatively easy to bring, but the second child is born and no one helps, if he wears linen and wears filial piety again, he is afraid of scaring his little grandson.
When my parents died, their two grandchildren were five or six years old, but my grandmother picked them up. I only came over during the day to kowtow, and I didn't even let my brother and sister-in-law meet, for fear that their state would scare the grandchildren. However, my father-in-law ignored these and insisted that I take the child back to kowtow, and even said that this was according to etiquette.
I didn't give up, so I asked my mother-in-law again, and she actually said, "According to etiquette, you should come back." "Oh, that's when etiquette comes up again!
When my mother died, my eldest child was only three years old, and my father-in-law said that the child was too young and that I could go back by myself, and I could understand that he was afraid of scaring the child. But now, for the sake of an aunt I hardly know, I am asked to take the child home and wear filial piety, aren't you afraid of scaring the child? Is it because it was his own relatives who died?
I suggested that her daughter-in-law come back as well, after all, she hasn't given birth yet and there is still some time before her due date. And she is the only daughter-in-law, and according to etiquette, she should come back to kowtow to her mother-in-law and wear filial piety. But why didn't she come back?
The father-in-law said that pregnant people could not participate in the funeral, for fear of bumping into the pregnant daughter-in-law. I'll go! Is my father-in-law stupid or good!
The main family can think about his own people, but he tosses his family for the sake of his own face. And in summer, there are many mosquitoes and insects, and the old house in my hometown only has an air conditioner, and I don't even have a place to live when I go back. The last time I went back for two days, the child was so tired that he slept all day, and the milk didn't eat well!
But they don't even think about these issues, they feel that this is their own business, and you should come back!
Therefore, I strongly stated that I would not go back, I was so guilty! In the end, my husband didn't force me and went back alone. But that night, my father-in-law called me:
You are so unpolite that you have lost the face of our family! A person like you, who has no concept of family affection, would have divorced you a long time ago if it had been ...... ancient times”
I'll go! You're going to take me off because of this? It's ridiculous! I finally replied:
If you have the ability, let your son come back and divorce me! ”
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