About the pressure system, the first concept is moderation, that is, when our children are facing huge challenges or emerging things, if we help him do things, the child will feel the greatest pressure, if we always help the child do things, his sense of control will become weaker and weaker, this is an invisible and intangible pressure, basically the current parent group knows that it cannot be arranged, but there are many parents who can't do it after they will command their children to do this and that. You will find that this will also make the child lose a sense of control, because it is all ordered by the parents, the younger child will generally do what he is told, but he will occasionally be unwilling, and the parents will often take compulsory education at this time, which will further destroy his sense of control, and the final outcome is that the child is always paying attention to your emotions, because your parent-child relationship is also out of control, so this road still does not work.
So what's the way to go? It is to show weakness. I was once a guest at a friend's house. They had a four-year-old child, and we had a good relationship, so as soon as I went to their house, I lay down on the sofa and said, "Oh, I'm so tired, I'm not wearing slippers, and the four-year-old kid immediately went to bring me the slippers," and his parents were stunned, saying that this child was a bit unapproachable, but you see, he still wanted to help. Why? In fact, when he helps, he has a sense of control, competence, and value. This will make his stress level very low.
Again, stress is a feeling of loss of control, when the child has a sense of control, it is not out of control, its pressure value is low, the whole pressure system is around this basic logic, this is a relatively small child. When the child grows up and reaches primary school, you go to give him a lecture, which is called arranging a problem, and you urge him to urge him to do his homework is to control. But you say hey, this question is very interesting, Dad won't tell Dad about his pressure, the value will drop very low, but we still have a lot to pay attention to when showing weakness. In the process of lecturing, if you continue to deny it and correct it, its pressure value will gradually come up, you must know that the reason why the child is so hard and interested in talking to you is because you feel that you are a novice, so Xiaobai will only ask questions, not correct his problems. You find out that he is wrong, and your attitude is often like this, how can I not understand it? It's not wrong, and there's no need to exaggerate to say: you're amazing, you're talking great, because you're exposed, and the biggest encouragement at this time is oh, I see.
Showing weakness can be used in many places, for example, when the child is older, when he reaches junior high school and high school, he has to write some study plans, first of all, this matter is his own business, but is not the parents involved in many times. We want to use as little as possible, no, it can be okay, this critical tone. Some parents say how open-minded I am, and every time my child comes to ask if he can play in the afternoon, I say yes. It can be called approval, and you can completely change it to I think your arrangement is quite reasonable, and give back the sense of control to our children. You will find that there are some things that you have to do against your child, and you may not be able to control it anyway, so you return the sense of control to the child, and these constant shows of weakness and constantly return the sense of control to the child are the soil of his self-drive.