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One day in December 2021, it was cold rain and bitter cold wind.
The streets are filled with a clammy and cold atmosphere, which is very strong.
I hurried home, trying to escape the cold weather as soon as possible.
Mother ** came with a serious tone: "Your father has advanced brain cancer, and he will be operated on at eight o'clock tomorrow morning." ”
I'm not going back! "I rejected my mother.
The mother said angrily: "You will regret it if you don't come back!" "After hanging up, I kicked an empty Coke bottle.
Although my mother always hated him, I still booked a high-speed rail ticket to return to my hometown tomorrow.
At half past 12 the next day, I came to the hospital and saw my anxious mother.
The mother said, "Your dad had a headache a few months ago and took painkillers by himself.
Brain cancer was found to be in an advanced stage. ”
I blamed my mother for calling me back.
Suddenly blamed himself for speaking inappropriately and asked about the operation.
The surgery was not done, and the doctor sutured the incision directly.
At the gate of the hospital, my mother told me about my father.
In the ward, I saw my father, who was full of tubes, and he was emaciated.
The doctor told us that my father might only survive for 3-5 months.
Since my father was in the army, my mother took care of us very hard.
She took care of her family without complaint, and lived in poverty.
My mother always gave my father peace of mind to work in the army.
At the end of 1996, my father returned home from the army and brought Liu Yan, who was more than 5 months pregnant, with him.
The incident caused a stir throughout the town, and the mother became the laughing stock of other women.
I still remember that day: my 3-year-old sister and I had an argument with the neighbor's children while playing in front of our home.
An older child pointed at the two of us and scolded: "Your father is Chen Shimei, he doesn't want you anymore!" "A group of children followed, and I tried to defend myself, but to no avail, I could only cry and go home to my mother to complain.
That night, the family feud reached an unprecedented level of intensity.
The table was overturned, the bowl on the floor was shattered, and the house was in chaos.
I hid under the covers with my sister in my arms and cried, and my father didn't return all night.
It's really not easy for a divorced woman to live with two children! In order to take care of her sister and earn more money, her mother quit her job as a substitute teacher and opened a simple fast food stall at the junction of Zhenjiekou and the national highway.
She cooks noodles in the morning and sells fast food at noon and evening.
One day, my mother was busy with business, and my naughty sister ran to play in the middle of the road, unfortunately suffered a car accident and unfortunately died.
The mother was heartbroken and put all the blame on her father.
Since then, mother and daughter have relied on each other.
It is said that his father transferred to work in the town's agricultural machinery factory, Liu Yan was also pregnant and gave birth to a child, and the two got married.
Subsequently, the agricultural machinery factory went bankrupt and his father was laid off.
With Liu Yan's help, they opened a hardware store in the city.
When I was in high school, my teacher recommended that I participate in an essay contest in the provincial capital, but I had to pay for my own transportation and accommodation.
I couldn't bear to ask my mother for money, so I went to my father's hardware store privately.
My father was happy to see me and gave me some money, but I refused to accept it.
That $50 hurt me deeply, how could I think of going to him and ask for money? He once abandoned us! When I got home that day, I persuaded my mother to marry another one, it was too hard to be alone, and I could accept it.
My mother refused, and I think she was hurt too much by my father, so I blamed him again.
In 2008, I was accepted into a 985 university.
The mother was overjoyed and burst into tears at the fact that all these years of hard work had finally paid off! She feasted my family and friends at the diner, hoping that my father would come.
However, my father did not arrive, and I did not receive his blessing when I went to school.
They met again many years later, but in a hospital ward.
At 4 p.m., he came to his senses and my mother pushed me hard to his side.
He was emotional, his lips trembling, and he said slurred words.
My mother urged me to call him "Daddy", but I was indifferent.
My mother angrily patted me on the shoulder.
I rushed out of the room, and my mother followed.
Mom, how can you force me to call him Daddy.
When he abandoned our mother and daughter, was he a father? When you and I were working hard to make a living, what was he doing in **? ......He has a son, so he won't look down on me as a "father".
I was like a machine gun on the valve, ** snapping and complaining about my years of dissatisfaction.
That son is not your father's biological son, but the son of his comrade-in-arms Gao Hong. ”
Yes? "I was stunned.
My mother told me the truth about my father.
Gao Hong was the same age as his father, and the two enlisted in the army in the same year and were in the same class.
Because they are all Jiangxi villagers, they take care of each other.
Every time they go on a mission, the two always desperately keep the danger to themselves.
As the relationship gets deeper and deeper, the two are like brothers.
Once, my grandmother fell and cracked her pelvis and needed surgery.
The family didn't have much savings, and my father was raising money everywhere.
Gao Hong handed all his savings of 2,158 yuan to his father and said, "I have no mother since I was a child, and your mother is my mother." ”
In the early 90s, this was a lot of money.
The father was grateful, and pulled Gao Hong to become a brother.
The two promised each other that if anyone had an accident, they would take care of their parents, wife and children instead.
Gao Hong retired from the army two years earlier than his father.
After being discharged from the army, he joined the transportation team of his hometown city and drove a large truck.
However, just a month before his father was discharged from the army, he drove through a mountain road, and in order to avoid the oncoming car, his car rolled down the hill and died.
His father was very sad when he heard the news, and after he was discharged from the army, he rushed to Yichun, Jiangxi Province as soon as possible to visit Gao Hong's family.
Gao Hong's father fell ill and was hospitalized.
My father was busy in the hospital for a week until he was discharged.
Gao Hong's wife, Liu Yan, was more than six months pregnant at this time.
One day, she secretly asked her father for help.
Her family at both ends persuaded her to induce labor.
The mother's family said that a woman with a child will have difficulty finding a man in the future.
Gao Hong's brother was worried that after the child was born, the compensation allocated to Gao Hong's father would be reduced, and he also persuaded Liu Yan to get rid of the child on the grounds that it was difficult for a single woman to raise a child.
This is Gao Hong's biological flesh and blood, how can Liu Yan give it up? So he asked his father for help.
The simple father, remembering the agreement with Gao Hong, decided to take on the responsibility of taking care of Liu Hong's wife and children.
I didn't think much about it at the time, and as soon as my mind was hot, I quietly took Liu Yan home.
Back in his hometown of Fuzhou, his father helped Liu Yan rent a house in a town not far from home to facilitate her care.
Liu Yan was more than five months pregnant at the time, and there were many inconveniences in her life.
Ignoring the accusations of others, his father went in and out of Liu Yan's house, buying vegetables and cooking, adding liquefied gas, repairing water pipes, and ......At first, the mother, who knew the reason, expressed understanding and support for the father's behavior.
But the words are terrible, and the gossip in the village finally defeated the mother's trust in her father, and even suspected that Liu Yan was the woman whose father was outside.
On that day, the crying of the two sisters shattered the last bit of trust my mother had in my father.
In a fit of rage, the two divorced.
Later, my father asked my mother to remarry several times, but because of the death of my sister, my mother blamed my father and never forgave me.
When I was a freshman in high school, Liu Yan was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and in those years, my father almost went bankrupt in order to treat her.
After Liu Yan's death, her father found her mother again last year to apologize to her and ask for forgiveness.
She forgave her father.
I can't accept the sudden whitewashing.
Even if he was a promise to his comrades, even if he was right, I still couldn't shout "Daddy!" to him. The word.
I escaped from the hospital under the pretext of fatigue.
The next morning, I came to the hospital again, and he looked at me and smiled, the corners of his eyes were still wrinkled and ugly.
After a while, he began to cry: "I'm sorry,......Back then, I asked you to follow your mother to suffer, and my little sister was gone.
When you came to the store to find me in my freshman year of high school, I was so happy.
But at that time, your aunt had been diagnosed with cancer, and I really didn't have any money.
Helplessly, I only gave you 50 yuan. ”
He sobbed and staccatolate, gasping for breath with every word.
His words made my chest choke and my head was a mess.
Dad: "I still can't get that word out of my mouth."
After his condition stabilized, I returned to Changsha to work, but I didn't expect that half a month later, I received an emergency from my mother, and he was dying.
By the time I arrived at the hospital, his eyes were compressed by the tumor and he couldn't see me clearly.
He slept for long periods of time, occasionally waking up.
Mom told him I was coming.
With tears in my eyes, I held his rough hand tightly.
He burst into tears, didn't speak, and his thin hand was holding my hand with the greatest strength, and after a long time, he trembled and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm also a father for ......the first time.""Tears burst the embankment! I was devastated.
Father! Father! "The word that has been closed in my heart for 25 years has finally burst out! My daughter's father is a call he has been looking forward to for 25 years, but I have made him wait for so many years.
The early spring nights are still cold.
In the silence of the wilderness, there was only the sound of the wind and the rubbing of dead branches.
He left that night.
Grief enveloped my whole body, tears filled my eyes, and I still couldn't explain the pain ...... in my heartDaddy, my dear daddy, we have too little time together, if you can, please come to my dreams and meet me ......Outside the window in the middle of the night, the memories are old sorrows, the tears of missing, the pain of missing, and I can't forget the tears that flowed from the corners of my father's eyes when he slipped away...