In the book "Love Will Come to Life", Cai Kangyong commented on himself: "I believe in love, I believe in justice, I believe in civilization, and I believe that the universe is worth it." It will be weak in the face of desire, and weak in the face of **. This can't help but make me think, everyone has weak times, when love encounters self-weakness, how do we deal with it?
Love, a seemingly indestructible relationship, also has its fragile side. When the fragility of love meets the equally weak self, we may be in a love dilemma. So, how should this dilemma be solved? From the following sentences and stories, let's find the answer.
A period of mourning
Sometimes we don't want to come out of the grief of falling out of love, if that love is too rare......
Story: A handsome immortal, as his understanding of love deepens, he chooses to use a longer and longer mourning period to reminisce about lost love.
In French writer André Gide's ** "The Narrow Gate", the male protagonist has such a conversation with the female protagonist's sister after the death of the female protagonist. "Why aren't you married, what are you waiting for? He replied, "Wait and forget some of the past." The younger sister asked, "Do you want to forget it sooner?" He said, "I hope never to forget." "The deeper you love, the more persistent you become after you lose.
Singer Adele was inspired by her own broken love affair and created "Someone Like You" that touched countless people. In her lyrics, she expressed her nostalgia and reluctance for the lost relationship, and also told about her gradual acceptance and beginning to walk out of this relationship. Her singing voice is moving, as if it can penetrate people's hearts, allowing us to find resonance and solace in the sadness of lost love.
These works deeply capture the complex state of mind of people after the disappearance of precious love: they do not want to forget, they do not want to let go. Sometimes, wallowing in grief after a broken love is not a complete weakness or avoidance, but a tribute and deep memory of rare love.
The beggar of love
The other person said, "I don't love you anymore." You were in a hurry and blurted out: It's okay! We can still be together! After speaking, you suddenly cried, not because the other party was sad that the other party didn't love you anymore, but because at this moment, you suddenly woke up to the fact that you had become a beggar ...... love
The story goes that a witch warns her lover that she will lose all her blood as punishment if she betrays, and when he leaves, she feels like a sad beggar by guarding the black vial of his blood alone.
Zhang Ailing said: "If you like someone, you will be humbled to the dust, and then bloom." "I have experienced the feeling of being a beggar in love, as if I have lost all pride and dignity, and I just want to hold the other person's hand tightly and beg him to stay. Crying and struggling, but unable to change the other party's determination to leave. The helplessness and despair are like being in a cold abyss.
So, why do you become a beggar of love in your relationship? Maybe it's because I love too deeply and are too persistent, and I don't want to lose that good feeling; Maybe it's because of self-esteem, not believing that the other party doesn't love you, and being unwilling; Or maybe it's because they're used to the other person's existence, and they're afraid to break this habit and don't have the courage to get out of it.
If you are in such a situation, you might as well stop and calmly analyze your heart. Is it unwilling to do so, or is it just getting used to it? Knowing that there is no point in keeping someone who no longer loves you, try to figure out what you really think, learn to let go, and accept loss.
Dependency
You want to give him all your future, are you love, or lazy?
Story: A high school student Centaur seeks the Golden Hoof Centaur through the astrological future of her relationship, only to be told that the star she has chosen has entrusted her fate to another star, raising questions about whether she is true love or lazy.
Laziness here is not physical inertia, but psychological dependence. This dependency may manifest as an unwillingness to make decisions, avoidance of difficulties, or a refusal to grow. Jiang Xun mentioned in "Six Lectures on Loneliness": "Mature love is to rely on not to rely on, to rely on it is to rely on it when you are occasionally tired, to take a rest, and to rely on it is to rely on it." ”
If we love someone, we will naturally have heart-to-heart and even share the future. However, when this sharing translates into the delivery of "all" of the future, we must wonder: is this really the posture that love should be? Such over-reliance not only deprives us of the ability to think independently and solve problems, but can also lead to feelings of helplessness and confusion in difficult times. At the same time, it also poses a heavy burden on the partner, as they have to take on all the responsibility for the future of both parties.
Love should be about giving and receiving from each other, encouraging each other to become better versions of themselves, rather than pinning all your hopes and dreams on each other.
Unbearable
If we are not willing to touch the unbearableness of life, how can we touch love?
Story: A woman who is proficient in dreams captures the werewolf who spies on her dreams in her dreams, and realizes through dialogue that only by accepting the unbearable aspects of life can we truly understand love.
Love is not just a combination of sweetness and romance. The unbearable life may be pain, frustration, fault, or inner fear and imperfection. These unbearable aspects often make us feel uneasy and confused.
Haruki Murakami wrote in a message to his friend's daughter when she got married: ".Marriage is a good thing, when it's good. When things aren't going to be good, I'm always thinking about something else. In short, when it's good, it's very good. I wish you many, many good times.
Bad times are always inevitable, but by facing and dealing with these moments bravely, you can have more good times. When we bravely touch the unbearable in life, we will know tolerance and understanding; We will learn to accept fault and vulnerability, and tolerate and support with love. We will bravely face up to the difficulties and challenges in life and face them together. We will cherish the beauty of love more and understand the preciousness of happiness more.
Paranoia
Some people, no matter how much you love them, in the end, are wrong.
Story: The Thorntail Dragon asks the wizard for help on how to pursue the girl, who points out that he is wrong by coercion, bribery, or revenge, and says that some people are wrong to love no matter how they try.
The spiny-tailed dragon's paranoia made him mistakenly think that if he wanted it, he would get it. However, this paranoid love only makes his world more and more narrow. As Zhang Xiaoxian said: "A person's biggest shortcoming is not selfishness, amorousness, barbarism, and willfulness, but paranoid love for someone who does not love himself." ”When feelings are not reciprocated, continuing to insist is nothing more than getting into the horns of the bull and unable to extricate yourself.
A good love is nothing more than the person you love and just loves you; People who want to be together can just be together. And real life isn't always so perfect. Some people just can't fall in love with you, and no matter how hard they try, they are just entangled. Even if you are reluctant to be together, you may not be happy. Sometimes, letting go is not due to a lack of love, but to realize that there is a fundamental incompatibility between two people, and that everyone deserves a love that is more suitable for themselves.
Write at the endKyungsan wrote in "The Mirror of Everything": ".What is true love. Be yourself and love yourself. This kind of self-being is not willful, loving oneself and not wanting to be satisfied with eating, drinking and having fun, but to expand the certification and improve the quality of life. Inner balance and self-sufficiency. "With this encouragement.
That's it for love. Finally, I would like to mention this passage from the preface: "When I describe these peculiar characters in the book, to be honest, I don't feel like my mana is losing to them. My pen often takes me to fly, to fight, to plant,** and most of those so-called mana are generously bestowed by you, who are willing to read me. ”
After I started writing, I read this sentence again, and I was even more moved, and every comment that praised me and encouraged me gave me great power. I believe that gradually, I will become more powerful as well. Thank you to everyone who reads my text! I also hope that everyone who sees this place can love and live well!
Note: ** to the Internet.