Wen Man Xiaojing (rich book columnist).
The young mother takes the baby full-time and loses control of her emotions due to the crying of her child;White-collar workers in the workplace cried on the street because of an emotional breakdown due to a criticism by a leader;Teenagers don't know how to express their emotions, and in the face of scolding from their parents, they suddenly become crazy.
Everyone inevitably encounters things that stimulate emotions, and it is inevitable that they will also have a backlog of emotions.
And Nietzsche tells us in "The Other Side of Good and Evil":
The way to be truly free is to learn self-control. If emotions are always out of control, they will be led by emotions and lose their freedom. ”
Learn to control your emotions and don't let your out-of-control emotions overwhelm you.
The more you magnify things, the stronger your emotions become
A few months ago, a very cute young girl came to the company, and everyone called her Princess.
Every colleague takes special care of her, and she gets along very well with everyone.
But not so long ago, she offered to leave her job.
Before leaving, she specially ordered a small cake for each colleague, and also accompanied it with a handwritten card, which was full of ideas that she didn't dare to say on weekdays.
The girl had expected to receive the same treatment from her colleagues, at least by replying to a card in person.
But it happened that everyone was busy with the project at that time, and in the face of the girl's heart, most of them only said thank you, and a small number of people took pictures and sent them to a circle of friends.
The girl did not receive the response she was expecting. Later, I found her secretly hiding in the back stairs crying, and she said that she felt very uncomfortable, because her colleagues didn't care so much about her leaving.
In fact, everyone has long been accustomed to the resignation of colleagues, people come and go in the workplace, adults are busy, and there is not too much hypocrisy.
However, the girl interpreted that her colleague did not like her, magnified her colleague's "indifferent" behavior, and let herself fall into a sad mood.
Plato once said, "It is not the environment that determines a person's mood, but the state of mind." ”
I once saw a news that Xiao Liu, a project manager, was dismissed by the company after being verified for targeting colleagues everywhere and bullying in the workplace.
However, Xiao Liu was extremely dissatisfied with the company's handling, in her opinion, because of her outstanding performance, which caused her colleagues to be jealous.
It was thought that some colleagues first launched a "death smile" emoji in the group and taunted her, which made her attack.
Xiao Liu also applied to the labor department for arbitration and also filed a lawsuit with the court, which held that the smiling expression could not be understood as mockery, but Xiao Liu's words and actions were indeed inappropriate.
I've heard a saying:
Your brain controls your emotions, and similarly, your emotions control your future. If you have optimism, you are close to success. ”
Your emotional interpretation determines your future;Try to reduce your emotions and deal with others rationally.
Emotions don't come from things, they come from your state of mind.
True wisdom: Distance yourself from your emotions
I like a saying: "If you spend a long time with people who are in a bad mood, they will take away the positive energy in you, and your luck will get worse and worse." ”
Emotions and energy are the same, those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black, so we must know how to identify the bad emotions around us and stay away.
Fairy recently got along with a colleague and noticed that she often complained and blamed people and things at work.
At first, she complained to Xiaoxian, and Xiaoxian would listen to her and guide her to think on the bright side. However, the more this colleague talked, the more energetic he became, and counted the shortcomings of the leader and other colleagues one by one.
Xiaoxian listened a lot, and unconsciously followed this colleague, sighing every day, always thinking about doing less and leaving work early.
Until a meeting, the project that this colleague was responsible for was proposed by the leader to revise it, and she actually contradicted the leader in public, saying that the leader didn't understand anything.
The leader told her to try to modify it first, but she slapped the table and said: "You can do what you say, who made you the leader!".”
This incident made many partners stay away from the complaining colleague, and then Xiaoxian realized that people with too many negative emotions should stay away and should not be close.
Because I got closer, I was unconsciously affected.
In the same way, emotions can sometimes be "confused by the authorities", and when you are deeply involved in emotions, you often can't see the truth of the matter.
A psychologist once told a story about a lovelorn young man sitting on a bench when a man on crutches walked up and knocked over the milk he had placed on the bench.
The man who spilled the milk not only did not apologize immediately, but also gnawed on the bread in his hand as if nothing had happened.
The lovelorn youth immediately scolded, and the person who knocked over the milk began to apologize non-stop, but the lovelorn youth still did not stop scolding.
And there was also a man sitting on the bench next to him, and he looked closely and found that the man who had knocked over the milk was blind.
Young people are deeply trapped in the emotion of falling out of love, and they just want to vent the pain in their hearts, but the people next to them will calmly observe and be more tolerant and considerate of the blind people who "make mistakes".
People who know how to keep a distance from their emotions are better able to see things as they are.
Cultivate your heart and let emotional stability become your wealth
I like a quote from Haruki Murakami very much:
No matter how angry you are, as long as a period of time passes, most of the original emotions will gradually decrease, and they will no longer be angry, but basically lower to the level of 'sadness' or 'regret', and return to calm. ”
In the face of excessive emotions, sometimes it is not necessary to choose to explode, and quietly observing and accepting it is also an effective way to resolve emotions.
To stabilize your emotions, try these three methods.
1. Insist on practicing the ABC rule of emotions
The ABC theory of emotions is that different understandings of a thing will lead to different reactions.
If we understand events from a different perspective, our emotions will change dramatically.
Chekhov once said something like this:
If a match burns in your pocket, you should be glad that it is the pocket, not the powder magazine. If you get a thorn in your hand, that's fine, thanks to the thorn not in the eye. ”
When emotions are about to explode, first calmly observe your emotions, and then try to re-examine the event that triggered the emotion, and think about how you will react from a different perspective.
For example, I am out of love, I am very sad to recognize A, and I am sorry to be aware of B, and I have left an inappropriate person. I failed the exam, cognitive A felt that I was too failed, and cognitive B was one step closer to success.
Review more, train yourself in multi-dimensional thinking and practice, and manage your emotions over time, and eventually reach the other side of emotional stability.
2. When you are emotionally anxious, please keep exercising
There was a study of whether exercise was effective for anxiety interventions, and three experimental groups were divided.
The first group of participants was required to complete 3 hours of exercise per week, such as walking, cycling, jogging and other low-to-medium difficulty exercises
The second group of participants was required to complete 3 hours of aerobic exercise and strength training per week
In the third group, participants did not participate in exercise training.
The results of the study showed that the first group of participants improved their anxiety symptoms by 362-fold, and the second group of participants had a 4-fold improvement in anxiety symptoms88 times, while there was no improvement in anxiety symptoms in the third group of participants.
Roland Whispers is said in the book:
In addition to strengthening the body, the benefits of exercise are also the best way to keep a person mentally awake. ”
When you are anxious and depressed, you may wish to try exercising, walking slowly and running fast to release the bad emotions in your heart.
3. When you're stressed, try meditating
In a 2017 study, researchers recruited 12 participants of various age groups to participate in a week-long "spiritual retreat."
The researchers measured the subjects' health, stress, and fatigue before and after the start of the trial.
After the retreat, the subjects' measurements showed a significant improvement in their physical well-being, while adverse states such as stress and fatigue were significantly reduced.
Steve Jobs has also said many times that mindfulness meditation is his main source of creativity.
In his decades of life, he has never stopped meditating, and there is only one ** in a large room at home, which is dedicated to meditation.
Meditation calms your mind for a while, allowing you to feel the moment quietly, and when you are stressed, try to meditate to calm your mind.
French psychologist Michel Larivie divided emotions into four categories: single emotions, compound emotions, pseudo-emotions, and anti-emotions, and also subdivided 81 emotions.
Therefore, emotions are particularly common in our lives. We can be anxious, irritable, and angry, but that doesn't mean we have to be emotionally manipulated.
Being led by emotions means losing control and freedom in life.
Learn to identify your emotions, keep your distance from them, and make good use of methods to manage your emotions, and your life will be a little more relaxed and soft.
May we all be able to live a comfortable life without being controlled by emotions.
About the author: Man Xiaojing, the author of the rich book, the person of the rich book, a woman who is curious about things, likes to grow upward, a writer who pursues her dreams, is not obstructed, not **, this is the shielding force, this article: Fu Xiaoshu, the best girlfriend around you, rich book launched a new book "Shielding Power", the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, shall not **, infringement must be investigated.
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