Every holiday, although I am happy, I always feel a little pain.
Visiting friends and family, not knowing how many gifts to give.
I saw a ** before, the author said that at the age of 25, holidays have become our "nightmare".
Each invitation is like a "red ticket", and the amount can be expensive, sometimes even thousands.
In addition, there are New Year's money and New Year's gifts from relatives and children.
A series of expenses have made the already modest wallet even worse.
Basically, both months of wages were depleted. ”
Some people even rejoice that they are not popular.
The trouble of giving money is also the trouble of receiving moneyIt has been reported that Mr. Lei from Guizhou will have 23 banquets during the National Day holiday. 
On October 1st, there were 8 events, 2 of which were attended with relatives. In order to save face, we had to decide to spread out the six people in the family to eat. Every year during the long vacation, there is no one at home to eat. Normally, the ingredients we buy in advance are not touched after the holiday. In addition to attending these events, we also need to prepare red envelopes. Although according to local customs, the amount of red envelopes sent is not much, about one or two hundred yuan. But the meal expenses of these more than 20 activities have cost nearly 5,000 yuan. Combined with some daily expenses, my monthly salary was depleted. 
This is a common phenomenon. Many netizens said in the comment area: In the past few years, they have eaten since the beginning of the Lunar New Year and ended on the ninth day of the Lunar New Year, with a total of more than 30 banquets to attend, and an average of four places a day. It cost thousands of dollars all at once. 
Oops, really, just after the Chinese New Year, I was unfortunately dizzy by the favor ceremony. "If it's just some normal celebration, it makes sense to give some money. But in recent years, there have been more and more occasions for gift-giving: gifts for children at the full moon, gifts for moving, gifts for opening stores, gifts for promotions, gifts for children going to college, and even ......gifts for remarriage and remarriage"The wages are all clearly arranged by these gifts. "If you do these celebrations yourself in the future, then it's okay, the money will come back in a circle. But if you "don't like to hold these celebrations", or are "people who don't marry and don't have children", then the money is really given away in vain. 
The people who pay on this side feel very heartbroken, but the people who collect the money on the other side are not necessarily happy. A retired Henan elder sister recently held a wedding banquet for her son. She originally thought that she had a good relationship with some of her colleagues, so she sent them all invitations. However, on the wedding day, most people did not attend, and as a result, two tables were empty. The more the eldest sister thought about it, the more angry she became, so she made a list of 16 colleagues who didn't come. The next day, she went to the unit with a large bag of candy. When she saw her colleague, she sent candy and said, "Yesterday my son got married, and you didn't come." I specially brought the candy to make you happy. When colleagues saw this scene, they all felt that they couldn't hold their faces. They could only make excuses for themselves and explain why they didn't go to the wedding, while making up the gift money. 
After the eldest sister took back the 6,500 yuan gift money, her husband was dissatisfied: "You are too ashamed, we are not short of this money, and it will be embarrassing to meet in the future." However, the eldest sister had a clear idea about this: "Embarrassing? They won't be embarrassed, so why should I? They don't attend the wedding and have decided not to associate with me in the future. When I was first used, I was short of my elder sister. Well, then don't be emotional. ”
This incident has sparked widespread controversy on the Internet. There are some people who agree with the eldest sister's approach:"If you don't have a debt, you can choose not to come, but since people have a gift, even if you don't go, you have to pay back, which is a due gift. "
Everyone's opinion on this matter is different, and everyone has their own opinion on this situation. Such situations are not uncommon in our lives. Some people gave money to a friend many years ago, but when they returned the gift, it was less. Some people may be more accountable, but they also have a face-saving concern. Some people may choose not to care, but they always feel a little uncomfortable in their hearts. It's obviously a festive event, but just because of a gift, it often causes a lot of unpleasantness. 
Obedience has become a "favor courtesy" and a "human debt".There is a netizen Mr. Xiong because of the Chinese New Year"Gifts are exchanged"The issue was disputed with his father. When Mr. Xiong returned to his hometown during the Spring Festival, he happened to meet relatives who came to visit him. Relatives brought two bottles of wine and a cigarette as gifts. Mr. Xiong's father said on the spot that he wanted to return the gift, and asked for the return gift to be more expensive than the gift given by relatives, otherwise the meeting would be unbearable. This made Mr. Xiong feel very uncomfortable. He thought, "Isn't it a deal if someone comes to see me and gives me a gift by the way, and if I have to return the gift right away?" But in fact, this is a traditional local rule: once someone gives you a gift, you should return the gift with a more valuable gift than the other person, or at worst, a gift of exactly the same value. Otherwise, it will be talked about. 
The unspeakable distress in Mr. Xiong's heart is this:"Some relatives have 6 children, but mine has only one child. During the Chinese New Year, they gave my child a red envelope worth 600 yuan. However, when I returned the gift, I needed to wrap a red envelope worth 600 yuan for each of the six children. Otherwise, you will be accused of not knowing how to respect etiquette. "
Mr. Xiong believes that the main purpose of New Year's greetings is to strengthen the emotional exchange between relatives, and gift-giving is just an additional way of expression. It should have focused on emotions rather than the value of gifts. However, now everyone is entangled in "what you give me, I want to send it better than you". Is this putting the cart before the horse? What's even more troublesome is that with the increasing number of "gift money", when the wallet can't bear it, everyone begins to think about how to "return" the gift sent out through other means, such as: "Today you do a full moon, tomorrow I have a birthday, today you get married, tomorrow I am promoted ......."It seems that everyone takes turns to invite guests to dinner, but in fact, it is "at their own expense to invite themselves to dinner". But due to the pressure of face and etiquette, no one wants to open this layer of window paper. Ended up in a vicious circle. This phenomenon is ridiculous!
In our lives, it may not be strange to feel bound to give us a sense of restraint. There are many people who have publicly criticized the practice of giving gifts and even advocated that it should be banned altogether. If we go back hundreds of years, Sui Li first originated in an agricultural society. At that time, every family lived in poverty, and there was not enough food to eat. Therefore, when there are major events such as weddings and funerals, people in the same village will "follow the elements" and help handle them together. This is a beautiful meaning, giving "gifts", but conveying "love". However, with the development of society, we no longer lack food and clothing. This kind of "etiquette" began to be driven by other invisible factors: the mentality of comparison, local customs, human feelings, you come and go, and so on. Gradually, the once human favor became today's human debt. The most important feelings are gradually disappearing into it.
After talking so much about the ceremony, I don't mean to object to this tradition.
After all, the gift is a way of expressing our human society that we have inherited.
In the midst of complicated interpersonal relationships, it is difficult for everyone to avoid getting involved. But I would like to make three suggestions that I hope will reduce some of the hassle.
First of all, we can consider not giving gifts to the following three types of people:
1) people with little to no contact; 2) People who never return gifts; 3) People who often hold banquets.
The essence of Sui Li lies in the exchange of values between people.
In other words, it is only when both parties have "use value" that they need to maintain their relationship through courtesy.
For those who have little to no contact, there are no relationships to maintain in the first place; For someone who never returns the favor, the relationship is inherently selfish and not worth maintaining; And for those who have a feast at every turn, they may be too greedy, and this relationship is also not maintained.
Therefore, it is not the gift itself that makes us unhappy, but because we spend money reluctantly.
Secondly, even if we have a good relationship with those close to us, we don't have to give too much money. Sometimes, when we give gifts to those close to us, we always want to give a little more to show our hearts. However, if the amount of the gift money is too large, it may become a burden when the other party needs to return the gift in the future. After all, once people get married and have children, they face more places where they need to spend money. What we thought was trivial when we were single can become huge amounts of money when we enter the family. Even if you don't care if the other person returns the favor, no one wants to be burdened with the pressure of "owing a favor". Therefore, true good feelings are based on mutual understanding.
This is the higher level of Sui Li.
Again, moderate response to a topic I saw on the Internet recently: How is the experience of gift-giving Someone said: "When giving gifts, it is easy to fall into comparison, for fear that others will look down on you." Someone said, "Friends who used to have a good relationship, because they want to save money, are gradually estranged." Someone said, "I attended six banquets last month, and I'm going to eat instant noodles for half a year." "Gift-giving is a way to express your heart. For intimate relationships, if you give too much, it may become a burden for the other person to return the gift. For estranged relationships, no matter how much you give, the other person may quickly forget about it. And, that's what human nature is: if you give too much, you expect something in return. Therefore, we still need to respond in moderation. Respect your own financial ability, but also respect your feelings: within your own tolerance, you can spend more on intimate relationships, and you can give a symbolic little for estranged relationships. This not only reduces the financial burden, but also does not make the psychological gap too big even if the future return gift is lower than expected. I remembered that Yang Jiang once said: "Don't be difficult for yourself, life belongs to you, and you can live what kind of life you have if you have any ability." "Gift-giving is a cycle of affection. Only by coping with it moderately can the relationship last for a long time. February** Dynamic Incentive Program