Interview with Xie Hui Does it take more courage to get married again at the age of 50?

On Feb. 14, the day he celebrates his 50th birthday, Xie Hui and his mother of two children, Russian Daria, will hold a small wedding in a secluded place away from the city, a wedding that has been delayed for four years by the pandemic.

He said that this time it was done in a low-key manner, which was more in line with the current mood and state. After leading Dalian to relegation from the Chinese Super League at the end of last season, he stepped down as a coach, and the team was disbanded soon after.

Therefore, at the moment we are facing an unemployed person, a waiting person. It's also the fate of football coaches – they're always waiting, waiting for the appointment, and waiting for the end of the class to come sooner or later. Inevitably, his words have the sourness, unwillingness, and earnestness that characterize those who are waiting.

This afternoon, our conversation began with Xie Hui in his fifties watching "Flowers" on the big screen in the hospital, recalling how Xie Hui wore "eight pleats" in the nineties, and the prince pants that could stuff four old hens in the trouser legs.

Regarding football, he admitted: "I have grievances, I often can't help but complain, but as long as I see football, there is light in my eyes";

Regarding his wife, he said, "She made me whole";

For children, his expectation is that "they can become happy people......

At the age of 50, Xie Hui finally realized that no matter how agitated and uninhibited his life was, it was actually no more detached than most. He also accepted his fate to a certain extent, knowing that he would always exist as an outlier in Chinese football and even society.

But he has no intention of changing at all, but he has recently developed a new consciousness to be an "idiot" like Duke Meszkin (note: the protagonist of Dostoevsky's "The Idiot").

Screenshot an interview clip, and there are more exciting**, so stay tuned)" I'm a little disgusted that "Flowers" will be mentioned in any interview now," Xie Hui came up and laughed and teased, "How can it?" Manager Pan's ex-husband needs to rub the traffic? ”

Although they have been divorced from Tong Chenjie for many years, their relationship is not as stiff as the outside world thinks. This time filming "Flowers", "Manager Pan" also asked him to borrow a Remington typewriter at home. "I'm urging every day, I'm afraid of being lost. Xie Hui explained, "It was left by my grandfather." ”

At that time, the salary of a young player like Xie Hui in Shenhua had just jumped from 78 yuan to 1,800 yuan a month. "But if you want to have a king snake banquet on the Yellow River Road, you can't afford it, so you have to treat the boss to a treat. A table of high-grade dishes costs four or five thousand, and your salary is half of it. ”

The Yellow River Road in the TV series "Flowers", but Xie Hui said that he had the impression that the Yellow River Road was such a shining early 90s, Xie Hui had not yet cultivated his later taste for dressing, and he was proud of brands such as Wear Mengte Jiao and Diadora like other young people in the city with decent incomes. Therefore, when he watched "Flowers" in the hospital a while ago, the most unfamiliar image was Bao.

He was dressed too exquisitely, just too right, the question was that no one wore it right in the 90s, who wore it right? I'm wearing them all wrong. He said, "At that time, the suits were all messy, and the world was one day." Heavy silk, eight pleated ......Who would dress as right as Po? ”

Although the people of Shanghai at that time were poor and "bad", Xie Hui had the impression that everyone was full of hope for the future.

"It's simply believing that the future must be good, as if anything can happen. Everyone didn't have anything at that time, so everyone was equal in the big time. Gone are those days. ”

Once again, we recall with relish the story of how he packed his $70,000 winning prize in a shoebox, and what makes people get tired of hearing this story is its profound contrast: a young player in the midst of a great change in the times, so excited and overwhelmed when faced with the first "big money" in his life. The times and the individual, the big and the small, are all condensed into one story. A story that can no longer be replicated.

But this story has a bitter tail: when Xie Hui carefully held the shoebox and got into the taxi home, he received his mother's **.

"She takes care of me in **, don't lose your money, because I'm a person who is very good at losing things. I said, 'No, the money is right in front of me.' Then I hung up **, and I held the shoebox the whole time, staring at it intently, and when I got home, I found that I had lost my phone. ”

Fifty-year-old Xie Hui fell into the memories of his youth, when did he really make a lot of money, so that he no longer treats money as money? Xie Hui salvaged in the river of his memories for a while, "I have never had any concept of money, but paradoxically, I have some concept in terms of investment. ”

It should probably be understood this way, I think that investment is a road to freedom. The "freedom" he specifically points out here is that it is possibleThe right to say "no" to certain people out loud.

I want to come to this day as soon as possible and be able to say 'you' to them." The problem was that he found out later

You can never say that, even if you achieve financial freedom. Because football is not allowed, because you still have your own mission in football. Then think of money as a way out, just know that you have a way out at any time. ”

One day after he resigned from Nantong Zhiyun, we met at 158 Square to eat fish and chips. In the gap of his memories of the Premier League team and the British rock band, he suddenly popped up and said that he was going to study abroad. "Maybe to England, maybe to Germany. As long as there is a green field, a football, a sunshine, and a team to bring to me

Xie Hui in the Nantong Zhiyun period also started his coaching career in the amateur team, which is rare in the five major leagues. Pep Guardiola's coaching career from Barcelona also began at Barcelona; Chelsea hero Frank Lampard has become Chelsea ......manager in just two yearsIn short, whatever level of player you are, you can bring any level of team.

However, Xie Hui will proudly and loudly tell you every word: "In the final of the 2012 '** Cup' - by the way, that game was narrated by Tang Meng - I led Tongji University to a 3-0 victory!" ”

Later, he began to take the Lucky Star 97 98 youth team in the Oriental Green Boat.

At that time, my monthly salary was not as good as the gas money I had to drive to the training ground every day. "But it's your choice, you can choose to do the rest," we objected. "I don't know what else I can do," he said quietly, "I just know that I'm going to drive over and lead the team." ”

Looking back on Xie Hui's coaching career in the past ten years, you will find that he really slowly climbed up step by step, and finally climbed to the position of coach of the Chinese Super League. In the process, he didn't get any of the fame he had as a player, and he showed a tenacity that surprised everyone.

No one was optimistic about him as a coach before, and Genbao told him: "You can't be a coach." "It's normal, my hair is dyed, my sports car is driving, I don't look like a coach, right? How can this be taught by deeds? ”

And when he was younger, the old coaches also unanimously judged that he was not a good player. "They said I had a very high center of gravity and a very average ...... techniqueThey were all wrong, oops, I'm so embarrassed. "So one of the things I've been doing all my life is to prove them wrong......."

He said that he had been "proving them wrong" all his life, and at this point, his words suddenly turned and threw out a clueless question: "Have you ever thought that if the world is not real, if it is a game, and we are just characters in the game?" ”

He went on to elaborate on his thoughts:

"Let's say there's a game setter who has set your mission long before you were born. So what am I here to do in this life? I don't think I'm going to do football to succeed, not to succeed, but to fulfill my mission. ”

"When I was a child, I always asked adults, why is only my finger short? Later, I learned that God was going to let me play football, because I couldn't play any of the projects with my hands. Like my dad was a javelin thrower, and his friends were tennis. At that time, the circle of tennis was much higher than football, and the way to rise was much more powerful than kicking. If you simply talk about the means of making a living, you play tennis is the best, and it will be very 'promising', with quotation marks. ”

The café gradually became crowded, and the café owner, who had slept for a day, also came to work. Seeing Xie Hui, his eyes lit up, and he immediately walked over with a wine glass, "Director Xie, I respect you'll press and beat!" "The boss is not even a fan, which shows that Xie Hui's drunken remarks have spread too widely.

Back on that night of "fish and chips", someone recognized him halfway through and walked up to him and asked him if he was Xie Hui. "No, you recognized the wrong person. Xie Hui shook his head politely but resolutely, "I just look like him." ”

At that moment, perhaps he sincerely hoped that he was a different person and did not have to bear all the troubles that came with the fact that he was Xie Hui. "According to my character, I'm going to get into trouble sooner or later, and this thing is justThe one thing I paid the least for saying the wrong thing。He concluded.

What happened later was actually not within the scope of his plan: the leading group for football reform led by Dalian City conducted an open recruitment during the selection of a coach, and finally decided on him.

So when I signed the contract with Dalian, I thought about it, and I must stick to it until the last moment. It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't matter if there is anyone to support it. Because people must know how to be grateful, "When you don't have a job, only they give you a chance." ”

Now, we come to the hardest moment in the whole article. Should Xie Hui's attitude and reaction to the two seasons in Dalian, the players who defected, the relegation and all the negative comments that followed?

In the interview, he pointed out that there was no point in doing so. Because of his identity - the identity of a "sinner" who brought the team to relegation determines that whatever he says is wrong and is quibbling.

"I just want to remember some good moments, and it's important that everyone has done their best to achieve the same goal, and that's the most important thing. ”

Among the many accusations, he just wanted to correct one statement, about a player saying that he didn't think of himself as "one of his own". "Why should I treat you as one of my own? Xie Hui asked rhetorically, "I'm not particularly close to anyone, because the whole team is my own person, even the aunt who cleans." ”

Then he told a story about when he was an assistant coach to Boas during his time in SIPG.

One night, he and Boas drank red wine and began to confide in each other. "You're a lover," the Portuguese told him earnestly

"So if you're going to be a manager in the future, you have to be careful: don't have a personal relationship with your players. You have to straighten your relationship with them so that you don't lose your judgment when it matters. ”

He knows that his approach is not understood, so if the team is okay in good times, once there is a problem, the players can easily be co-opted by people with ulterior motives.

The players are simple, just eat a meal, drink a glass of wine, and they are willing to die for you. But I deliberately kept my distance, because this kind of relationship is a complete bad habit. "He just wants people who are still playing to understand the most basic truth

"You're not playing for a coach, you're playing for a boss, you're playing for yourself and for this team. ”

He shook his head, there was too much to correct. Football in a country is largely a reflection of the values of its citizens. “Football must be united, selfless, not profit-seeking, and not internal frictionHe smiled, and couldn't say anything next, so he had to keep it quiet.

As a coach, it is a high probability event that you do not get the desired result. But he knows in his heart that he is better now than he was four years ago when he first started as a professional manager. "Every year, I'm improving. I'm climbing slowly, but I'm climbing up. ”

There may be a faster way, but this is the only way to make him feel at ease. "They have long told me, 'You also stuff (money), you don't have time to stuff it anymore, it's too late, you're old.'" He said

"But I can't do anything, and I don't want anything complicated for me. It's a good thing I didn't do that, otherwise I might be in it now. ”

You won't feel that there is no such shop in this village, so you won't see what is on the table and go to get it. "You feel like you're being seen by someone above you, and that awe is really a sense of morality within a person." ”

It's a pity,

"Now when we talk about morality, its only use seems to be to kidnap people. Especially those who have no virtue, they very much want to pop up one thing, and then kidnap you with the so-called morality. That's how it is in the Internet age, so it's boring. If you can't talk to them, then don't say it. You have another choice, you can choose to walk away. ”

Speaking of emotion, he took off his coat and said, "I'm 50 years old, do you want to know how to live?" "Understood," he said

"Just live like this, live with your original intention. At least I can say that I am still free from outside interference. At least through reading, through communication with people in the same way, I can be convinced that I am not an alien, and my thoughts can be resonated with, it's as simple as that. ”

"I actually envy Camus's generation, many years ago, there was also a cold afternoon when a group of existentialists were arguing about a topic in a café on the Left Bank of Paris. People outside can't understand them when they're freaks, but they're by no means alone ......”

"You see, Duke Meshkin is a man who everyone laughs at him for being an idiot. If a person lives purely, adheres to his morals, and has great love in his heart, should you admire him or pity him? My question, for literary youth in the early decades, may not pose a problem at all. ”

But right now, he thinks it's a real problem. "There are so many smart people around us, and they feel that they are not smart enough, so they are all looking at Guiguzi. ”

"Think about it, if there are many people in a unit watching Guiguzi, the so-called Zonghengjia is right. But what is the essence of vertical and horizontal? Double-cross each other! And after reading it, I have to review and summarize, how terrible is this! Every day has to be reviewed, every day has to be summarized, and what you have calculated wrong, and what has not been calculated, I think this is really the sadness of our times. ”

As an interview that looks back on half a lifetime, we inevitably talk about several major blows in his life. For example, losing the World Cup squad, such as a certain broken love.

"There are always a few times in your life that make you feel like the sky is going to fall. But in retrospect, it was also an opportunity for you to wash again from head to toe. I think people need to have this kind of frustration, to the point where there is nothing, and then rebuild strength. ”

He was sitting drinking tea and watched me walk in as if he was waiting for me. The lama listened to Xie Hui tell about his emotional experience, and said a word, which woke up the person in the dream. "You don't love her, you love yourself. The real cause of your pain is not the loss of her, but the wounded self-esteem. ”

But he still congratulated Xie Hui,

"A lot of people haven't experienced this pain of falling out of love, so you have to try to feel it, even enjoy it, and keep it in your heart. While it's heartbreaking, it's also a kind of proof that you're alive. ”

"If there is a moment of epiphany in everyone's life, then this is the moment of my epiphany. I know what it is to be alive, it is not easy to live, and it is even harder to learn to live. A lot of people are just breathing, they're not alive. ”

After returning to Shanghai after recalling the epiphany moment in his life, he spent nearly a year searching, waiting, and then becoming convinced that the most important thing in his life was football. He joined SIPG as a reserve team manager.

After determining that he still wanted to follow the path of coaching, Xie Hui completely extinguished the enthusiasm he had for participating in variety shows before. Later, popular celebrities began to live broadcast goods. A friend from an agency found him, "You just be a fashion blogger, do live broadcasts with goods, and make millions of dollars a year with your eyes closed." ”

He was also moved, after all, this is far higher than the income of the Chinese Super League Tushuai, but it has moved a few times.

"There are some areas where once you're involved, you can't come back and coach again. I still want to be a coach, so I have to keep it and hold it. It's not easy, especially in this day and age. Because you can clearly see the benefits of others, sometimes you feel as if you have no reason to persevere. Without a reason, you have to rely on faith. ”

Many books used to feel different from those that are now read, because now you are understanding them with the experience of life. For example, "Anna Karenina", I used to watch love stories, and human nature is incomprehensible. So it is strange how a person can suddenly go crazy. I thought: She's so vulnerable! He was 20 years old at the time, and he thought he was too strong to be conquered, "because he hasn't really lived yet, and he doesn't know what life will grind you into." Then I lived to this day, and finally understood that it was not Anna who was vulnerable, butLife itself

Morning News, thoughtful: Emotional experience is as rich as you, why did you choose this woman in the end?

Xie Hui: The order in which a person appears in your life is still very important, and when you are physically and mentally ready, you meet the right person, which is called suitability.

Morning News, thoughtful: When you're ready, probably a lot of people can be the right people.

Xie Hui: We said it nicely: the one that was meant to be. In fact, there may be five, six, seven, or eight in reality, and they may all be suitable for you. But for the vast majority of the time, you must miss it, because you can't get seven or eight wives, it's as simple as that. But among these people, you find even one and succeed, and some people miss them all, that's not very lucky. So the only thing that says anything is a lie. What you think is the only thing that is idealized in your head, and you mistakenly think that it is so, that you are playing tricks on yourself.

Xie Hui: When you know you're meeting the right person, everything falls into place. I think it's the right thing to get married, and it's supposed to be the wedding four years ago. Now that it's empty, it's time to give her an explanation, to give her a ritual. Although I am a second marriage, I am not a second marriage, are I? You can't be unreasonable.

Morning News, thoughtful: Tell us about what kind of person she is.

Xie Hui: A person who is not biased, someone who can agree with me in many aspects. With her, you understand what is the real value in a relationship, and I used to chase things that were as gorgeous as fireworks......

Morning News, thoughtful: What is the real value?

Xie Hui: She made me whole. is like what Tom Cruise said to the heroine in "Mr. Sweetheart": "You complete me".

Morning News, thoughtful: Is there anything you will understand when you have a child?

Xie Hui: You finally understand what parents are, and you re-examine your relationship with your parents. You know what Chinese mean by filial piety, it is much more than passing on the lineage, or like the man in "The New Language of the World" used his body to melt the ice on the river to catch fish for ......his stepmother to eatAfter I had a child, I would never argue with my parents again.

Morning News, thoughtful: It is said that you don't enroll your child in tutoring classes?

Xie Hui: Yes, I'll let them go. I hate that saying don't let your child lose at the starting line. It's terrifying, you have to treat everyone as an imaginary enemy at such a young age, and you have to fight to the death.

Morning News, thoughtful: What if I do lose at the starting line?

Xie Hui: If you lose, you lose, go out and find something he likes to do, just starve to death.

Morning News, thoughtful: What kind of person do you want your child to become in the future?

Xie Hui: Happy people.

Morning News, thoughtfulBut happiness is too difficult, you can only have one aspect of happiness, you can't have complete happiness.

Xie HuiThen be a complete person, the unhappy person is real, his desire for happiness is also real, this is a healthy person.

Morning News, thoughtful: But honestly, you haven't actually experienced too much suffering, have you?

Xie Hui: It's just not time yet, so I'm going to start preparing for suffering and slowly learn to face life and death. After all, everyone has to face life and death, right? I haven't passed these levels, so what else can I mention? So you have to learn, learn to put death somewhere in your head, and then you understand gratitude.

You can be grateful for the singing of birds, the moment of inspiration in a conversation, the glass of good wine, and the delicious food. You have to know that these are limited, and you don't think that you can eat this bite all the time, and you can breathe it without limitation. Don't take everything for granted. Life is a process of decline, and you must have a correct understanding of death so that you will not fall into depression or even depression.

Xie HuiAccept death with your mission, make it clear what you're here for, then you can leave when you're done, what are you still greedy for?

Morning News, thoughtful: What is the ultimate meaning you seek?

Xie Hui: It's certainly not a success, I've already had it. Maybe at the end of the day,I'm just looking for a way home。As the Beatles sang, the long and winding road, a long, winding road.

Morning News, thoughtful: You have both children and daughters, you are about to have a wedding, and you already have a home.

Xie Hui: But my soul is not at peace yet, you see, I still complain, I still have anger in my heart. There is a quote in Maugham's "The Veil" that I like very much, which is a sentence that the abbot says to the heroine Katie when she tries to atone for her sins with endless work: "One cannot find peace in work, in pleasure, in the world or in the abbey, but only in the soul." "I'm looking for something more rare than calmI want to find peace

Morning News, thoughtful: The topic is a bit heavy, so let's end this interview with a fun story!

Xie Hui: You know, I used to run away in the middle of the night when I was in Shenhua. We usually climb over the wall together with a few people, but I go to a different place than them, I go to a bar around Fudan University to listen to **. One night, I climbed out and saw a police car parked on the side of the road, so I went to the rearview mirror to look in the mirror, because I was a little embarrassed. At this time, a person got out of the car, and it was our team leader. Because one of our iron pots happened to be stolen, and he caught the thief there, and he happened to wait for me.

Morning News, thoughtful: Did you pay a fine after being discovered?

Xie Hui: I was fined 10,000 yuan, and my salary was 1,800 yuan at that time.

Morning News, thoughtful: Do you dare to climb later?

Xie HuiThen you have to climb for the sake of your idealsBut I changed the lane, they didn't know which way, it was the only part of the building that you couldn't even see the police car, hahaha.

Morning News, thoughtfulSo for you, it's actually to run away, to prove that you're free, at least your will is free.

Xie Hui: At first, you think that everything is your free choice, but later you find that everything is inevitable. Pushing back on, how did I play football in Germany and be able to fully integrate into the local culture? It was because of the interaction with international students in a bar near Fudan at that time that laid the foundation; And why can I open my mouth to international students in English? Because when I was a child, I listened to my grandfather's BBC ...... on the radio every day

Life is actually not complicated, the occurrence of one thing leads to another, and all the events and experiences have shaped who you are today. So life is not like a mess that many people say, and in the end, it is pulled into a simple straight line.

After the tuning was completed, the boss waved at the lead singer on the stage, "Dude, let's choose a song for Xie Hui!" "Xie Hui is my idol! The lead singer said.

The familiar prelude sounded, it was the Beatles he liked. Xie Hui smiled, "Let it be". Yes, just let it be!