78, Aisun comes home.
Grandson Shippo is coming home today, which is a major festival for my family. For this reason, I deliberately postponed the start of the third course of chemotherapy until tomorrow; Today I am dedicated to accompanying my grandson.
September 6 this year is Qibao's third birthday. After he was born, I only stayed with him for a few months, and since then he has been "moving like Shanghai" and "it is difficult to see each other". He was only half a year old when he left him, and he shouldn't have much memory of me, after all, he was too young. After two years, he returned to his hometown for the first time in July this year, and the first time he saw me, I was lying in bed. He ran in on his own, and his hands took me by the hand and said, "Grandpa sleeps." "Turning the question into an affirmative sentence. At that time, I was thinking: Could it be that he still has memories of me back then? My wife said, "That's a blood relationship." "Thinking about it, my wife is right, blood is a wonderful thing, and the blood people are tied together.
When he was leaving, he shouted to me, "Come on, Grandpa!" This childish voice became my motivation to fight the pain. Whenever I was tormented by illness, the sound of "Come on, grandpa" would ring in my ears. Suddenly, I felt that the fairy music was fluttering, and I was also fluttering. only cares about beauty, and the pain has long been thrown to the country of Java.
On the occasion of the National Day, his father took him back to see me on vacation. Holiday tickets are not easy to buy, so you can only go to Beijing first and then return to Botou. This meeting was different from the last time, he seemed to have returned to a familiar home, jumping and jumping, and he had no time to spare. I don't know who I learned the dance from, and I can't see the genre, twisting my little butt in bed, spinning around, how good it looks. In my eyes, he is the invincible prince of dance. His grandmother prepared a lot of delicious food for him, and he would let me eat it before he ate it himself. Actually, this is not surprising, after all, when he was less than half a week, he had already given oranges to his grandfather. After lunch, I wanted to lie in bed for a while, and he came in with a plastic box containing peeled oranges and grapes, which were specially given to my grandfather. I immediately picked up a grape and put it in my mouth, it tasted much sweeter than grapes, and I ate grapes without spitting out the skins.
There is another detail: when he peels the peels, the peels are not littered, they are all gathered in one place, and he shouts "trash can". It shows that he has received a good education and training. The formation of a person's upbringing and quality is inseparable from the environment in which he grew up. It seems that his parents are not less attentive.
Before leaving, I asked my wife to give Qibao a red envelope of 2,000 yuan. Li Jun didn't want it, saying that he gave 2,000 yuan when he came back last time, and on his birthday on September 6, he gave a red envelope of 10,000 yuan. I said: When you make grandpa happy, grandpa will give red envelopes whenever you want.
It was time to part, and he shouted "goodbye grandpa" and kissed me the cheek. My mouth was hot, and the breath from my nose was spraying on my face, and it was tickling. It's far away, and it's still kissing me. This little thing also took away Grandpa's heart.
What is cancer? With my grandson here, I will not be sick. Aisun is the panacea for all diseases.
79, sure enough, there was a reaction.
Start taking the third course of chemotherapy today. Weakness in the limbs, dizziness, slight retching, an indescribable discomfort, no interest in reading, watching TV, or even playing games; I didn't want to write even the routine "Anti-Cancer Diary", but out of habit, not writing it was like missing something, and it dragged on until now: at 23:47 in the evening, I sat down at the computer desk. Anyway, it's within what I can afford.
God is also very cooperative with my mood, this continuous rain has been endless, it has been four days and four nights, and there is still no intention to stop, the roof is leaking, my wife uses the basin to catch water, and the sound of ticking and ticking makes people feel annoyed.
There was one thing that made me feel a little warm. A netizen named "Shuoer Hengzi" added my WeChat and questioned the content of my blog post "Can the Chicken Si Chen". Because the article mentions that "a woman who is not virtuous is talented", I don't know if it is a clerical error. I didn't look closely at the time, thinking that he thought that I was in favor of the idea that "a woman is virtuous if she is not talented". After communicating for a long time, I realized that I was wrong, and I miswrote "a woman is virtuous if she is not talented" as "A woman is talented if she is not virtuous". Originally, I didn't agree with the view that "a woman is virtuous if she is not talented", and it would be even more wrong to say that "a woman is virtuous if she is not virtuous". It is pedantic to disapprove of women's lack of talent, but to say that women are not virtuous is equivalent to saying that all talented women are not virtuous. I have always been very envious of talented women, admired them very much, and I didn't have time to stammer, ** and dare to pour dirty water on their heads?
Making such a big joke is actually my own lack of morality, not only to review it in my heart, but also to apologize to the talented women. The clerical error is unintentional, and the root lies in my laxity and sloppiness. Those who are familiar with me know that I usually write articles in one go, and after I write them, I never look at them again and post them directly to my blog, and the result is that there are many typos. It's just a typo, but sometimes the difference between a word is a thousand miles, such as this time, "a woman is talented if she is not virtuous", and she attacked talented women.
Is there any other? That's it. Not only to change, but also to apologize. If you are wrong, you have to accept punishment, whether it comes from others or from your own heart.
Netizens carefully read your text, and can also point out your flaws from subtle points, indicating that he likes you. It's something that makes me feel warm. He said that he had previously made a comment about a mistake in my article, and that I had promised to invite people to drink, but I forgot about it afterwards. This proves that there is something unkind about me as a person. However, the past is not admonished, those who come can be chased, and there is still a chance. This favor will definitely be made up in the future.
80, Yuji.
This continuous rain, starting from the 2nd, continued to rain for four days and four nights, and only cleared up on the 6th. So many days of rainy weather have made people's hearts moldy. Now that the rain is sunny and the sky is clear, people can't help but feel excited, and many people chant poems on the Internet to express their emotions.
I'm the same, it's been cloudy for a long time, and my heart is naturally bright, but it's not far from the level of being happy. Because in my opinion, the cloudy and sunny weather are all natural laws, and there is no need to make a fuss. After a long period of rain and sunshine, looking forward to the clouds and sunrise, just like a long drought without rain, looking forward to the rain and looking forward to the eyes are green. The weather is like **, it does not fall for a long time, and it will not rise forever. Since you are in the **, you must have this determination if you don't like things or feel sorry for yourself. Forty-five years ago today, didn't someone suddenly become a prisoner from arrogance and domineering, and suddenly fell from heaven to hell?
The same is true of the human body, there is no one who is not sick in life. There is great joy when there is no disease, great sorrow when there is illness, joy and moodiness, and there will be illness if there is no disease. If you are sick, you will be encouraged, and if you are not sick, you will be safe, and you will face it calmly.
Today is the second day of taking the third phase of chemotherapy. Yesterday I was dizzy, retching, and my limbs were weak, except for sleeping, I feel much better today. Although some people have given a terrible experience of chemotherapy, for me, it is still in the range of tolerable for the time being. Today's work is done today, today is relaxed, and today is happy; Tomorrow is serious, and we will talk about tomorrow. I only believe in one thing: if you smile at life, life will smile at you.
In the morning, I also had a thrill: when I was tying the abdominal belt, because the buckle could not be sewn, the ostomy bag fell off all of a sudden, and I was so scared that I hurriedly called my wife. My wife was cooking, and when she heard me shouting, she ran over with two hands, thinking it was a leak, so she quickly washed her hands and prepared to change the bag. But if you look closely, the pouch is not leaking, but it is falling off, and the original chassis does not need to be replaced, just re-fasten the bag. It's simple, half a minute, and everything is as usual. There was a false alarm, and I laughed a little embarrassedly; But at the same time, it also reminded me that there is still a bit of inflammation at the current incision, and when the inflammation is healed, it is good to only change the bag each time, and the bag can be used repeatedly. Now it costs more than 100 yuan to buy a stoma bag, and if you use it repeatedly, you can save a lot of money.
A false alarm, and a way to save money, isn't it a blessing and misfortune? This mood is much stronger than that of a long cloudy day.
81, habits are hard to change.
The son sent a paragraph**, which is Kai-Fu Lee's experience in fighting cancer. He talked about four main points: diet, sleep, exercise and stress. One of the most important is sleep.
As a result of years of habitual accumulation, my life is very irregular, especially in terms of sleep, and I have developed the habit of staying up late since I was young. Forced for livelihood, there is still forgiveness; After taking a back seat, it stands to reason that time can be at your disposal, and there should be a regular schedule of work and rest, right? Not really. There is no pressure, no constraints, but more and more free, eat when hungry, sleep when sleepy, regardless of time. Some people have raised objections, and I still have a saying in my mind: hunger and sleepiness are caused by the biological clock, and to obey it is to go with the flow.
One of the main reasons for this cancer is that life is irregular, and sleep is natural. My writing habit is that I don't write during the day, and I don't start writing until after 11 o'clock after watching TV in the evening. Most of the essays I write are 1,000 words, and each time it takes about 40 minutes. After writing, I don't check it, I post it directly to the blog, and ** to the circle of friends. When you're done, it's past midnight, and because the excitement of writing is still there, you can play games or read a book for a while. By the time sleepiness hits, it's already one or two o'clock to fall asleep. What is missing at night is made up during the day; If you sleep too much during the day, you won't be able to sleep at night, and even if you can't sleep well all night. I can't sleep well at night, make up for it during the day, sleep too much during the day, and can't sleep at night. Such a vicious circle has caused irregularity in life.
After the operation, my son and daughter gave me a serious warning, and my daughter even checked the post at any time, and made a lot of noise at the slightest violation. I was aware of the seriousness of the problem, and I was determined to change it, and I tried to change it. It's hard to change the habits, and when the time comes, I just can't sleep, and I will inevitably be irritable and have a headache, but it still won't help. Insomnia is no better than being sick. I had no choice but to turn on the light, read a book or play a game again, and waited until my eyelids couldn't open them, so I closed my eyes and fell asleep. The end result is the failure to fall asleep on time.
I know that the consequences are serious, but I just can't do it. What to do? I'm worried too. There are children urging me from afar, and my wife is watching me closely, so let's try again, although I don't have confidence in my own heart.
82, psychological off.
After having an ostomy due to rectal cancer, the biggest psychological pressure is neither the financial burden, nor the torture of illness, nor even the fear of death, but the psychological rejection of the ostomy.
The so-called "stoma" is for rectal and bladder lesions (such as rectal cancer, bladder cancer, intestinal obstruction, etc.), in order to save the patient's life, the doctor will surgically remove the lesion, for example, rectal cancer will remove the rectum, anal canal, bladder cancer will remove the bladder, and then open an opening on the left or right side of the patient's abdomen. Stool or urine is involuntarily excreted through the stoma, and a bag is attached to the stoma after discharge to contain the excreted content.
The surgery itself is not complicated, and the patient has to deal with this feces every day, which does not seem to have much impact on life except for the trouble, and the main thing is the psychological stress. Manure is the most filthy thing, and there is discrimination against people in society, not to mention the manure itself. It doesn't matter if the feces are in the stomach, after all, everyone is like this, used to it; But carrying a dung bag with you is different, hindering the view is secondary, the key is to give people a psychological feeling. It's okay to say that the outward view is covered up, but the inner feeling can't be avoided. I was very touched by this. Every night when you go to bed, whether you are lying on your side or on your side, the dung bag will never leave your body. Due to the close contact with the body, it carries the body temperature of the person on it, and it is hot. It is this hot feeling that makes it difficult for people to accept. Imagine that when you are sleeping in a daze at night, and a hot dung bag is attached to you, you will immediately associate it with a big pile of dung. All your good associations are gone, and all that's left is untold disgust, and you can only clean up the dung bag immediately. Every night when I go to bed, I always wake up in less than an hour, get dressed, go to the bathroom to wash the bag, and then lie back in bed and fall asleep. This repeated tossing and turning tortured himself to exhaustion.
As for the interaction with people, it is even more impossible to mention. If you bring a dung bag to someone, you can't pass the psychological level. I once made an analogy: the dung bag hangs diagonally on the waist, just like the traitor in the past carrying a box of kings, feeling that he is not like a good person, so he quit all the parties, and hid at home every day to live alone, only one old wife does not leave, accompany you all day long, and kill this long and bitter time.
So, I hate this annoying disease, and I hate myself when I am sick. Since you can't bring beauty to people, but are ugly things, you will feel that you are dirty too.
Naturally, I don't understand that this kind of psychology is too negative, not only not good for the condition, but also psychologically oppressive and harmful to the relatives who love you. Since you don't want to leave prematurely, you can only try to make yourself sunny, face the illness with a positive attitude, face life, and overcome the disease as soon as possible. Fortunately, I only have to wait for half a year, when I will take off the dung bag and reintegrate into the world of normal people. Let's wait patiently!
83, rent a house for the winter.
The weather is getting cooler, and winter is just around the corner. In the past few days, I have been discussing with my wife about spending the winter.
My family lives in a bungalow, there is no collective heating, and the small household boiler is burned, and the temperature is not as high as the large boiler for collective heating. Usually there is no problem with wintering, but this year is different. I had just undergone surgery and I still had a stoma on my stomach, so I had to replace it every two days. Changing the pouch is a very troublesome thing, and the procedure is very complicated, because the wound is inflamed and has not healed so far, and there is still time to dry the bag, and it takes more than an hour to change it once. For such a long time, the abdomen has to be exposed, and the indoor temperature is definitely not good. My house obviously can't cope without collective heating, and the best way is to rent a house with collective heating for the winter. Therefore, he assigned the matter of renting to his nieces Jingjing and Beibei.
Jingjing and Beibei are both very enthusiastic, inquiring from friends and colleagues, searching from the Internet, and constantly transmitting rental information to me through ** or WeChat. My wife and I analyzed and researched one by one, but we never found what we liked. Rejected the projects they recommended one by one, and even I felt embarrassed: this uncle and aunt are too difficult to serve! But there is no way, since you rent a house, you must find a place that is pleasing to your eyes and comfortable to live in; Isn't it self-inflicted trouble to find a place to live in and be awkward every day? Fortunately, they are both close relatives, and even if they are annoyed, they have nowhere to reason, so they have to admit their bad luck until they find a house that I am satisfied with. They still have a difficult task ahead of them.
Actually, I also thought about simply buying a house, but our current house is about to be demolished, and there should be no less than three compensation and resettlement houses. When the time comes, I will definitely not be able to live, one place is enough, and the rest can only **. In this case, wouldn't it be asking for trouble to buy a new house? The daughter also strongly opposed buying a new house, saying that the current housing prices are constantly **, and if it is smashed in the future, it will definitely be a big loss. Thinking about her words, it was not unreasonable, and the idea of buying a house was immediately abandoned.
All that's left is renting, and the problem is back to square one. There is no choice but to let the two girls continue to search. When I met such an unreliable uncle, I could only blame myself for my life.
84, remember to eat, but also remember to fight.
God said that if it is sunny, it will be sunny, and all of a sudden it will be sunny. The sky is blue and the sun is white, so that the people who have been held in the house by the rain for many days can't bear to live up to this good weather, and they have walked out of the door, walking here and there, even if it is good to bask in the sun.
At nine o'clock in the morning, my wife and I also walked out of the house and walked towards the newly opened Xinhe Building. The road is very close, a few minutes away. The people are still much the same, bustling, as if the goods here don't need money, scrambling to buy them. In the midst of so many people, maybe only I was in a calm mood, not wanting to buy anything, just looking. However, my wife may not think like this, and I always feel that I can't go back empty-handed after a trip. When I arrived at the grocery supermarket, it was probably the only place that impressed me. There are a lot of dishes, all of which are delicious and delicious. My wife said that she ate hot pot at noon and bought some fresh vegetables and mutton. I stopped in front of the deli counter and one of the squid piqued my interest. The whole one, the color and flavor are good, 38 yuan a catty. I had no appetite for a long time, but suddenly I had an appetite. My wife saw that I wanted to eat and bought one without hesitation. With the traction of gluttonous insects, I have no intention of wandering around anymore, so I simply go home.
My wife was preparing the ingredients for the hot pot at noon in the kitchen, and I also went over to help and took the initiative to take on the task of cleaning up the squid. I didn't pay attention when I bought it, the squid is spicy, and I can't eat spicy things yet. I said to my wife, "Anyway, I don't eat it often, just eat a little, it should be no problem." "Because the squid is whole, I want to cut it with a knife. But as soon as the two hands came into contact with the squid juice, the fingers instantly became numb, and the crispiness was obvious. I didn't expect me to be so sensitive now, so I quickly stopped. My wife was a little remorseful, feeling that although it was a good thing, it was wasted in vain (she doesn't like to eat seafood). I hurriedly comforted her: "It's okay, wash it with boiling water, wash off the spicy smell, and when we eat hot pot at noon, let's eat it with shabu, isn't there a special seafood hot pot?" ”
So, they were washed, cut into strips, plated, and served to the table. When the water was boiling, I put the squid sticks in the pot, left for a while, took them out with chopsticks, dipped them in the sesame sauce and tasted them, the taste was okay, and I ate a few bites in a row. My wife reminded: "Eat less, don't have problems eating." "When I was sick, I quickly put the squid aside and picked up the mutton.
Eating and drinking, there was nothing to say for the time being. After lunch, I usually take a nap. However, before I could lie down, I felt itchy all over. At that time, I didn't think of what was going on, but my wife said confidently, "Do you still need to ask?" It must be an allergy to eating squid! As soon as I thought it made sense, I was embarrassed to say anything else, so I picked up the "tickle scratch" and scratched it violently, and I felt like I was going to scratch and bleed, and the itch stopped. I said to my wife, "Forget it, I won't eat the rest of the squid!" Then he added: "Put it in the refrigerator and eat it when I'm well!" The wife pouted and smiled a little disdainfully, and went away.
Now the disease is related to the usual diet. I've already hurt my mouth once, so don't hurt it again. People, live a lifetime, remember to eat, and remember to fight.