It's the ninth day of the new year, it's started, what did everyone do for the New Year? Do you want to read a book, watch a movie, or travel with family and friends?
During the Spring Festival, Jia Ling and her feat in the movie "Hot and Hot" became a hot topic of conversation on social networking, occupying almost all the hot search lists.
"Hot and Hot" is far more than a story about **. In the film, the heroine gains weight due to the decadence and despair in her life, and she is constantly disliked by her family, lost her love, betrayed by friendships, and belittled after being used by others. After experiencing extreme despair and an unsuccessful suicide attempt, she found strength and redeemed herself through boxing.
From a psychological point of view, Jia Ling's role as Du Leying vividly shows a people-pleasing personality. This personality tends to unconsciously care about others, from the bottom of my heart I want those around me to be happy, and I feel happy because of the happiness of others, even though the process of others getting happiness may be accompanied by my self-exploitation or self-suppression.
Let's take a look at the people-pleasing personality and how she achieves self-redemption
Manifestations of a people-pleasing personality.
1. Excessive pleasing of others.
People with this personality type often believe that they can only gain the affection of others if they meet their needs. They care about other people's feelings and want to be approved by others, so they may go against their will to meet the expectations of others.
For example, Le Ying always gives apples to others, but no one sees her needs and contributions.
2. Fear of rejecting others.
I feel that as long as I give enough, I can earn the respect and favor of others. They may put the needs of others above their own and have difficulty refusing the requests of others, even if they are unreasonable.
For example, Le Ying's easy agreement to her sister's unreasonable request, as well as her insulting request to attend her best friend's wedding, are all manifestations of fear of refusal.
3.Fear of conflict.
They often think that the feelings of others are more important than their own, and in order to avoid conflict, they may sacrifice their own interests and give in without principle.
For example: When Le Ying faced the betrayal of her boyfriend and the insult of her coach, she chose to leave silently and did not speak up for herself.
4.Fear of bothering others.
They feel that they are not good enough to make demands on others, and even if they have to trouble others, they feel uneasy and guilty.
For example, when the restaurant owner tried to ** her, although Le Ying kept the bottom line, her subsequent choices showed that she was afraid of bothering others.
5.Don't dare to express different ideas.
Individuals with this personality type tend to rely on the opinions and decisions of others and do not trust their own judgments. They may avoid expressing different opinions so as not to cause displeasure in others.
For example, even if Le Ying doesn't like bullfrogs, she will say she likes them to cater to the coach.
6.Self-denial.
People with a people-pleasing personality tend to neglect their own care due to excessive attention to the needs of others. They may feel self-hatred by having negative opinions about themselves and feeling that they are not good enough to meet the expectations of others.
For example, Le Ying stayed at home after graduation and had a negative attitude towards her ability and image.
Le Ying (Jia Ling)'s self-redemption.
1. Enhance self-awareness: through internal dialogue with yourself, pay attention to personal needs and emotions, and give yourself more care and love. As Jia Ling said in the interview, you must be clear about your bottom line and learn to say "no".
2. Set personal boundaries: Know and respect your own boundaries and learn to find a balance between meeting the needs of others and satisfying your own. Don't sacrifice yourself to please others, and have the courage to say "no" when necessary.
3. Respect your own feelings and ideas: learn to value and express your feelings, and have the courage to refuse things you don't agree with. Just like Le Ying's refusal to eat bullfrogs in the movie, she begins to respect her preferences.
4. Enhance self-confidence: Enhance self-confidence by improving your skills, knowledge and abilities. Through training and participating in boxing matches, Le Ying showed the process of self-redemption.
5. Reasonable expression of aggression: vent anger and express aggression through exercise and other means. Boxing became an outlet for Le Ying to release her inner pain.
In the film, Le Ying is finally symbolically reborn through jumping and collapsing, and she decides to live for herself. This is the artistic exaggeration of the film, in reality it is not easy to change personality traits, it requires long-term efforts and the support of psychological counseling, years of exploration and action, replacing the old model with a new model, and achieving transformation little by little.
I wish we psychology graduate students can help every people-pleasing personality to have the courage to say "no"!