[Day 1777].Emotions are sweet and beautiful.
But in order to keep the relationship so good, we must find the code of communication, and we must also uphold the determination to "cultivate together" together, and we will not give up easily
I rarely discuss the topic of emotions in the article, it is too complicated, and outsiders are not enough to mention one or two, but in the morning I had some confusion with my friend, and I read a passage in Mr. Jin's book.
A friend asked
* The grievances of Mr. Friends are not difficult to see:
1. My wife does what she wants, and she is good at making decisions without consulting herself, and it may be too late to change the car in a hurry, 1The big man in his 8s had to shrink up to rest.
2, I am not considerate of myself, obviously my wife does not discuss with me, but in turn she says that she is stingy and wronged +2.
Disputes between husband and wife, in fact, are very afraid of this kind of "indiscriminate buttoning of hats", "crime plus one degree", it is obviously a small matter, but it will become a big thing, each other feels that the other party is wrong, each other feels that they are wronged, in the relationship between husband and wife that has not yet been run-in, quarreling and quarrelling, it is very emotional, quarreling too much, and the heart is tired, and even feel, either don't pass it, right?
Classmate Mao and I also went all the way like this, although the relationship was very good, but it was not without such a tired time, and then I learned:
1. Matter the facts
Don't expect a straight man to understand your twisted emotions and petty temperament, tell him what you did wrong, and how I want you to correct it. At the same time, I admit my mistakes, but I am a scoundrel and will ask for compensation - the advantage of being blunt is that you can take revenge on the spot, and you don't have to keep your anger alive for a few days.
Girls all know how much damage anger causes to their bodies, they really can't do it, they have to bow their heads and admit their mistakes and cede the land, so that they can be regarded as winning, in fact, the boy should eat, drink, sleep, he doesn't know why you ignore him inexplicably!
My family is this, when I am angry, in addition to being cautious and trembling at me, he is also very innocent, I don't know what happened, and I am only angry for a long time, and it is not cost-effective to think about it.
So I gradually learned, if you are angry, just say it, just talk about it, just talk about it, such as "I don't like you to assert yourself", there was a change on the spot, he knew what was going on, and I didn't hold it back, the boy was really simple, and when he turned his head, he forgot whether he was angry or not, what hope can he have for this kind of creature with a tendon in his head.
So girls must not get along with themselves, a straight man who lets go of a tendon is actually letting go of himself.
2. Everything is discussed
Nowadays, girls are very strong, and the status of girls is getting higher and higher, but in any case, when you return home, you have to learn to be "soft", and you can already carry everything by yourself outside, and don't wear armor like this when you get home.
When I mention this, I have to talk about my cousin, she is a well-known business leader in their industry, I went to her house for a few days, I was really full of business, business, business, eating, driving, and going to the toilet, and the people she brought were the most tired, and of course she took the most money.
But when she got home, her husband really took care of everything, ordered her a supper, got a coffee, took care of the children, put her to sleep, sent her to school, a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old, all of them were the most troublesome times, and they were all her husbands, she didn't worry about family affairs at all, and the relationship between husband and wife was very good.
I think boys also need a sense of security, and this sense of security comes from "no matter how powerful my wife is, she can't do without me", isn't the relationship just what you need from each other? It is very important to discuss everything, even if you are decisive outside and come home, you still have to discuss things at home with your husband.
*The friend is that she is also a girl with a very successful career, and she is also used to making decisions in the company, and her personality is simple, and she is used to going straight, so she will inevitably forget to take care of her husband's feelings and get used to making decisions by herself.
So most of the contradictions between the two of them are here.
I can also understand that her intentions are not bad, and she is used to her big personality, and she thinks these are not trivial things, as for it.
But really, when I discussed with Mr. in the front, Mr. did not object, and proposed a good solution, but then she took it for granted that Mr. in front of him did not object, so it must be no problem, so she agreed - but at this time, the car was too late to change, and the cousin was very troublesome, and the wife was still inconsiderate of her grievances, and it was difficult for Mr. not to be angry with all kinds of emotions"Emotional Boundaries".
There is a secret to getting along with husband and wife, "everything is discussed" is one of the secrets, as long as you grasp this, 80% of the contradictions between them can be avoided, in the final analysis, it is "I hope you can rest assured" and "I hope you can need me".
In the article, Mo Lan, who encountered a relationship crisis, and her boyfriend, received counseling from a psychological counselor, and found that the reasons for the conflict between the two people were "mostly technical problems in communication", "I don't know how to respect each other's emotional boundaries", and I didn't express my "feelings and needs" correctly, so that it caused a lot of harm.
Friends and husbands cause conflicts, and it is also for these reasons that finding the secret of communication between husband and wife can avoid many conflicts.
Long-lasting love sounds good, but daily trivial communication is the biggest test of whether two people can go long-term, if there is a problem together, go to find the crux of the problem, don't blindly blame, put all kinds of hats on each other,Think about it: how do you find the password to get along with each other? If you don't know, it's a good idea to ask a friend to help you see, give advice, or find a counselor for help.
If two people want to be together forever, they have to hold the idea of "practicing together", everyone is not perfect, everyone has their own stuck points, but we can all have a good relationship.
Attached is the premise of the joint practice proposed by the teacher in the book:
1. Each other is curious about each other's lives and is willing to fully open themselves up in the relationship.
2. Take it seriously, not afraid of conflict, be brave to be yourself in the relationship, and allow each other to be yourself, and give each other all freedom; There is no "have to" in the relationship, being willing to change for the other person, but not asking the other person to change for themselves.
3. Treat love and needs separately, do not expect the other person to have to meet their own needs because of love, and do not wronged themselves to meet all the needs of the other person.
4. Take full responsibility for your own life, let yourself try to maintain a state of "love", and do not let "being loved" become your own need and the obligation of the other party.
Finally, I wish everyone can reap the good things in their relationships.
end- **10,000 Fans Incentive Plan