In "Do You Know", among the Lan characters, the most cowardly is Shulan. The eldest daughter of the Sheng family, with a rich dowry and servants, married Sun Zhigao, who was poor and white. As a result, he was bullied by his in-laws so much that he could only go back to his parents' house to cry. 
After three years of entering the door, she took more than a dozen concubines for her husband, and used her dowry to support a group of people in the Sun family, even concubines. Even if she did this, the mother and son of the Sun family were not only grateful, but also scolded and complained to Shulan, just because she did not let the pregnant prostitute enter. Although Shulan came from a family of merchants, she was well-read and reasonable, and she was clothed and fed since she was a child, but she was not arrogant. But the bad thing is that she is too knowledgeable and polite, obviously her mother-in-law is unreasonable, but she still serves with all her heart, and her etiquette is interpreted as cowardice. Under normal circumstances, treating each other with courtesy cannot be exchanged for sincerity, but has been despised, so don't be reasonable. But Shulan just wanted to reason with a mother and son who ate soft rice and hard food, and she was destined to lose badly. Whether it is watching dramas or reading books, she is so angry with Shulan's weakness that she sometimes wants to clean up the mother and son of the Sun family for her. Therefore, don't raise your daughter to be too knowledgeable, and be sure to tell her that some people will not be grateful because you don't care, but will bully you even more. 
In the original book, it is written that Shulan looked like when she was a child: she went up the mountain to drive cattle, was bold, and her temperament was also refreshing. In other words, Shulan's appearance at the beginning was not weak, but later became like this. In the book, through the mouth of Aunt Shulan's aunt Sheng Jun, I tell everyone the reason for such a change: Later, I insisted on asking my sister-in-law to be like this, and what to learn from everyone. We can see that the main reason for the change in Shulan's personality is her mother, Li, who cultivated her according to the standards of everyone's ladies. In the end, Shengsheng turned a bold and lively girl into a timid and cowardly appearance. 
It's not that it's bad to be a good girl, but your behavior can be cultivated like this, but your temperament can't be weak. When raising a child, we must keep the things in her personality, not even remove the things in her nature in order to achieve the goals you want. The result of this can only be cultivated into a person without his own thoughts. Because usually when he rebelled against his parents' education, he had been domesticated. How can a domesticated person know how to resist when encountering injustice? Besides, everyone will marry into a family in the future, and their character can be more than Sun Xiucai's. And everyone's beautiful girlfriends do not guarantee that the future will be smooth. Therefore, when cultivating a daughter, it doesn't matter if you are beautiful or not, the important thing is to let her have the awareness and ability to protect herself. When facing others bullying you, don't keep swallowing your anger, at least don't be ** by others: this is for your good. Shulan's mother, why does she have to train her daughter to be a lady? 
In fact, in this matter, the Li family has his own obsession. She hopes that her daughter can marry a scholar in the future, and it is best for a scholar to gain fame, so that she can raise her eyebrows, no longer rely on Sheng Hong's family, and no longer look at Wang Ruofu's face. It was this obsession that made her "raise her daughter Shulan" to waste. And when choosing a son-in-law, he was in a hurry for quick success, which pushed his daughter into the fire pit. She likes Sun Xiucai's two points: the first is that the family is poor, and the second is that the young man is ambitious. She thinks that her family is poor and naturally self-motivated, so she married her daughter at this time and gave him a lot of money, which is to be kind to him. This grace can be exchanged for being good to her daughter in the future. However, this favor made Sun Xiucai gain an inch, and he looked down on Shulan even more, feeling that Shulan was not worthy of him at all, so the Sheng family used a lot of money to buy him. Sun Xiucai was admitted to Xiucai at the age of twelve, and he was indeed more intelligent, and became the pride of the Sun clan, but he himself was more proud than the clansmen, and he felt that he was great by virtue of this title. As a result, I neglected to study, and I failed to pass the exam several times. Li Shi thinks that it is normal to fail the exam, it is good to take the test a few more times, and he can be admitted to Xiucai at the age of twelve, and he is a talent. Therefore, just because of his reputation as a young man, he hastily married his daughter to him, and did not have the confidence to observe and inquire about his personality. 
Whether it is cultivating Shulan or marrying her to Sun Xiucai, the Li family is to realize his wish: to have a scholar in the family, to be admitted to fame, and to become an official in the court. The purpose was deviated from the beginning, and as a result, Shulan was unhappy, and it was reasonable to see Sun Xiucai wrong. Or the old lady of the Sheng family looked at the problem more sharply, and when Shulan was leaving, she didn't let her hide, for fear that she would be sad to hear. Instead, let her see the true face of the Sun family's mother and son, and let her know that she knows that the world is hard, and she can't withstand the wind and waves like a delicate flower. The old lady's philosophy of survival is that weeds are much stronger than ornamental orchids. 
Because weeds are more tenacious, they can survive no matter if they experience wind and rain or are trampled, and even if they are burned by wildfires, they can also be blown and reborn in the spring breeze. And although orchids are delicate and beautiful, they are very fragile and easily injured, and once they are harmed, they may go to destruction. The old lady wants her granddaughters to be as tenacious as weeds, and not just to care about the delicate blooms. In her opinion, it is difficult for women to survive, and strong vitality is far better than beauty. Raising children, you can't focus on sheltering them from the wind and rain, but let them continue to see the wind and rain. Only when they have seen more of the truth in the world will they grow up, and they will not regard the little things in front of them as a life-and-death dilemma with no way out. Therefore, ** Shulan and not only Shulan are separated, but even Pinlan and Minglan have also seen each other. When you see the face of the wicked, you will be able to see through it when you meet the wicked in the future. This is a practical teaching for girls raised in the boudoir, which is very precious. 
The eldest lady also instructed her daughter that after the matter is over, tell the lady to go to you, and you can reason with her. Tell her: The woman's family is cowardly and uncompetitive, and she is looked down upon everywhere! Therefore, the old lady feels that this eldest granddaughter is indeed a little cowardly, and hopes that she can improve a little in this regard in the future. After all, her family can't accompany her all the time, and fighting for herself to support herself is the last word. I hope that Shulan can learn a lesson and learn something through this peace. It's not wrong to be knowledgeable, but if others think you're bullying because of this, then it's time for you to show your claws. The so-called bad guy is not bad for everyone, but when he thinks he can bully you, he will show you bad. Once he meets someone who is better than him, his bad will automatically **. Therefore, in the face of people who don't know how to cherish your gentleness, let's be spicy or spicy!