Ten.
1. Language is the expression of the heart.
There are two types of language: verbal language and body language, and there are two aspects to observe people.
The heart is thoughtful, the mouth is spoken. Through the window of language, you can peek into people's inner world, and social interaction is the clash of languages under the domination of different thoughts. Therefore, grasping the pulse of the other person's thought activity through language is naturally the key to the success of interpersonal communication. Just as important as the observation of words is the observation of colors, the mannerisms and demeanor of the other person, and sometimes the subtle thoughts that are more real than the words express. Because many changes in demeanor and demeanor are subconscious. At a given moment, they may be completely out of the control of the subjective consciousness.
Psychological research has proved that the stimulation of the human brain by external things often causes the functions of some corresponding tissues in the human body to appear abnormal in a short period of time. In other words, people's joys, sorrows, and sorrows are expressed not only through spoken words, but more often through the human body.
On the other hand, due to personality differences, the expression of each person's thoughts and feelings is mostly contained in a unique habitual action and demeanor. If you are good at seeing each other from both sides, then you are halfway there. Although psychology reveals to us the general characteristics of people's thoughts and emotional activities on the human body, it is obviously not enough to understand this and accurately grasp each other in social interactions. It should be noted that human beings have not only natural, but also social attributes. One of the manifestations of this is that people have a kind of self-control. That is, the ability to check and control speech and behavior, which is especially important for those politicians, diplomats and social people.
1 Implicit but not revealing: Social events are a contest of words, and it is natural for both sides of the debate to have ups and downs, but for some experienced people, they may maintain a calm and suave posture throughout, appearing neither excited nor indifferent, but polite. You can't say he's not interested in your questions or statements, but you can't see what he's really interested in. When you speak, he may look at you with a smile and give you a good impression, while thinking about another question in his heart. In social. You can't easily assume that a person with a docile expression is a good person, but you should see the other side of him. You should also not easily assume that a person with a stiff expression has bad intentions, but you should see that he is likely to have a good heart. In general, a person's words and colors or appearance and appearance may be uniform or contradictory.
2 Trying to hide: As a general rule, both parties in a social relationship should always try their best to restrain and cover up their emotions, and the more mysterious the impression of the other person, the greater the likelihood of success. In fact, it is impossible for anyone's words to be flawless, and absolute invulnerability is impossible. Some people will take advantage of the psychology of the other party and use the method of wanting to hide their secrets to fight an active defensive war. Aren't you capturing the change in his expression? He simply sails against the current, and presents to you those expressions that should be concealed according to common sense, and pushes you into a state of amazement, bewilderment, and indecision, so that you can't believe that all this is so true.
3. Observing words and colors: People's words and colors are sometimes simple and exposed, but it is easy to observe them; Sometimes it is complex and hidden, and it is more difficult to perceive it. In general, there are the following points that should be noted. First of all, personality orientation and language orientation. In the final analysis, it is to capture and judge the subtle changes in the other party's speech and demeanor, demeanor and expression, as well as their meanings, which is a process of "from the surface to the inside". Personality orientation and language orientation are the first steps in this process.
Personality orientation is to grasp the personality type through the observation and analysis of their expressions, words, and behaviors. You can throw out one or two of the other person's sensitive questions and wait and see how and how much he reacts. It is worth noting that this kind of observation must be meticulous, and don't conclude that he is a fool just because the other party seems to have no reaction, just like watching a tragedy, there are ** tears, some people are wooden, you can't say that people who are wooden are not moved. After understanding the personality type of the other person, it is necessary to try to capture the typical actions and typical parts that best reflect his thoughts and activities, that is, the "localization of language points". The muscles of the eyes, hands, legs, feet, and every part of the body may be the location of the "language point".
The meaning of some phenomena is very clear. For example, the slight tremor of the legs is mostly a manifestation of a leisurely mood; The eyebrows are upside down and the eyes are round, which is characteristic of anger; And frowning slightly and biting your lips is the meaning of thinking. In addition, special attention should be paid to each other's hands, although many people can skillfully disguise many things, there are some general movements. For example, when you are angry, you clench your fists, or you break something like a cigarette or pencil, and you may even tremble your hands. When you are excited and nervous, you rub your hands together, or you simply don't know where to put your hands; As you think, your fingers tap rhythmically on the tabletop, sofa armrests, thighs, etc.; Wait a minute.
Second, seize the "decisive moment". It is impossible for any person to hide his expression to be absolutely watertight. The key problem is that you are in the intricate changes of the other person's expression. Whether or not it is accurate to determine which change is decisive. For a quick-witted person, his ability to make up for mistakes is also extraordinarily superb. He can't let you see his flaws for a long time.
Therefore, timing is very precious to you. As for what exactly is the specific manifestation of this "decisive moment", and how to identify and grasp it, it can only be analyzed on a case-by-case basis, based on your experience and feelings, and there is no fixed pattern to follow.
Finally, take the initiative to investigate. Observing words and looking at things cannot be understood as passive cold observation.
In fact, take the initiative to attack, and use certain ways and means to stimulate the opponent's emotions. It is the best way to quickly and accurately grasp the context of the other party's thoughts. This includes the following points: First, gossip to get to the bottom. That is, before getting to the point, rambling on to say something unrelated to the topic, the purpose is to observe the other person's interests, hobbies, habits, and knowledge, etc., and if the other person is bored, then your rambling can also play a role in disturbing their mind. The second is to cast bait. You can use some topics that are attractive to the other person to judge what the other person is thinking, and find out the general characteristics and language points of the other person's expression changes and mental activities. The third is the method of agitation. You can use a series of irritating questions to attack the other person to get them excited, and then lose control of your emotions. You can also make some arrogant, disdainful gestures to create a threat to his self-esteem and stimulate his emotions. Fourth, it is submissive. When you don't understand the other party's temperament, without violating the general principles, you might as well go along with it first, wait for the other party to expose more information, and then you will prescribe the right medicine, and the other party will naturally accept you happily and convincingly.