Dr. 985's mother cried on the hot search, and middle-class parents collapsed
Tearful post-985 dr. moms: the collective collapse of middle-class parents cursed by knowledge...
When it comes to homework, it's at Mom's"Chickens lay eggs, eggs lay chickens"This is also the norm for many parents with their children.
When it comes to doing homework, many parents get emotional because many things seem simple, but it is difficult to communicate with parents.
Recently, a news about the mother of a doctoral student at a famous university in Jiangsu tutoring her fourth-grade son's homework caused quite a stir.
On the screen, the child buries his head in a pencil while his mother cries at the camera:"It took me more than three hours to learn a few words"、"I don't even want to be a mom anymore"、"I had to stop myself from swearing at him.."。
I also have a lot of parents around me who have done their homework. As they do their homework, they take a deep breath and tell themselves that even if they are born a despicable villain, they must stay calm and never shoot!
When my daughter was in elementary school, I lost patience by helping her with her homework. One night I even closed the door and complained to my husband:
Why don't you say she doesn't understand? I've said it so many times, and she still doesn't understand, how can I teach her! "
When I heard"The curse of knowledge", I realized"What seems simple to us is difficult for children"。
What is"The scourge of knowledge"？
In 1990, a Ph.D. student at Stanford University named Elizabeth discovered this fact during an experiment.
Elizabeth had some students play the role of drummers, playing some famous songs (such as:"Happy birthday"), while other students play the role of the audience and ask them to guess the name of the song.
* Producer"Hopefully 50% of the audience would guess correctly, but only one of the 25 songs was guessed.
The person who taps the keyboard is confused:"How can you not understand such a simple song?
Elizabeth concluded by explaining that the drummers find it easy to do so because they have a lot of knowledge in their heads that will help them master the rhythm. What's more, they can't understand those who can't hear **, so they can only pass"tah-tah "to distinguish the musical passages, as if listening to Morse code.
In psychology, this phenomenon is called"A plague of knowledge"。
This means that if we know something, it's hard to imagine not knowing it, but we also take it for granted that others should know it too. Our own knowledge is generated on us"Curse"Effect.
So, when we explain homework to children, what we think is very simple, after we explain it to them, they still don't understand.
In such an environment, you may both feel that you can no longer communicate on the same level, and there may be indescribable anger within you. Sometimes, you blame the child directly, or stifle your own pain.
After much thought, parents and children will have different opinions.
We often comment on what children are learning without truly understanding their doubts.
Parents with higher levels of education usually have more knowledge.
In my opinion, to break"The Spell of Learning"The most important thing is empathy, mutual understanding and having a tolerant heart.
Think more about the past.
When we were children, we used to play a game called"I'll play with you, let me guess"。
He felt that his movements were obvious, but his opponent could not recognize them. On the other hand, if he guesses himself, he cannot identify what his opponent is thinking.
In fact, most of the time we think from our own perspective, unconsciously putting our own ideas above others and assuming that the other person thinks the same way.
As such"The most important thing in interpersonal communication is empathy"In the same way, each person's position, background, experience, and perspective will lead to different experiences and feelings.
What seems simple to us, is not always obvious to them. If there is a slight contempt in our words, the child may think that we are impatient or too arrogant.
Maybe we need more time to think about our youth and our unresolved problems.
When I was in high school, I saw the teacher explaining on the blackboard"It's obvious and easy", but I don't understand why"It's obvious and easy"；At least for me, the problem is not as simple as the teacher said.
When you're confronted with a problem, it's hard for someone to guide you in a way you don't understand at all.
When communicating with your child, you can try to understand the helpless child in front of you. Put yourself in your child's shoes, put yourself in their shoes, and understand their feelings and how they react to you.
Every day when I do my homework, I say it to myself.
I've been in the industry for twenty or thirty years, and I've spent more time internalizing it, so I've taken it to heart.
However, children learn things they don't know yet, so they should be given more time to learn.
When I think like that, I don't feel anxious or angry, my kids feel like I'm very patient, and we get to know each other better.
Understand the student population and close the information gap.
In this little book, the author describes his experience teaching his nephew math problems in elementary school.
He solves the problem with equations and then tells his nephew that it's easy.
But the nephew said that the teacher had not taught him yet.
By chance, the author came across"The curse of knowledge", so he thought that his nephew understood the curse and passed it on to his nephew through a formula.
Without understanding the equation, the nephew cannot understand the method used by the author.
Without using equations, the author would not know how to solve them, so he had to ask his nephew to look them up in a textbook to see what he had learned.
Before tutoring your child, you should be aware of their progress and level of understanding of new concepts.
First of all, to solve this problem, it is necessary to go deep into the knowledge that children have mastered layer by layer, and gradually eliminate children's cognitive biases in knowledge.
Second, we should consciously adjust the language of explanations, strive to express abstract concepts in concise language, and express complex problems in an easy-to-understand form.
In the third stage, children use analogies about familiar things, so that when they learn new knowledge, they can connect unfamiliar terms with existing ones and deepen their understanding of new terms.
Finally, let the child develop the habit of previewing, so that when the teacher or parents explain the new concept, the child has stored the corresponding knowledge in the brain in advance, so that the child is closer to the cognitive level of the first, and the absorption effect of knowledge has also been improved.
He may not be as good as me"
Parents of students are less sympathetic to their students' plight than they are looking back on their own glory days.
Some time ago, a teacher told us that her son only scored 18 points on the exam. The teacher asked her what she did, and she admitted that she was a cleaner at the school next door.
In thousands of comments, many parents responded and shared their feelings.
Many former students have described themselves as students.
It has been scientifically proven that a child does not surpass their parents in IQ or ability.
You have a ** in your circle of friends, I don't know if you've seen it.
The IQ of the family seems to be lower from generation to generation, from great-grandfather to grandfather to father. You are the finest son in our family, you are married to an equally good woman, and both you and your husband have IQs of 130, which is 30% higher than the average of 100. However, inheriting IQ is equivalent to paying about one-third of the high inheritance tax. Unfortunately, your son cannot inherit the entire excess 30% and he must pay one-third"IQ tax", so your son's IQ may be as low as 120.
Regardless of appearance, height, athletic ability, intelligence quotient (IQ), emotional intelligence (EQ), and learning ability, the higher the level of education of the parents, the more average the children are, and even if they are better than average, they are unlikely to surpass their parents. This phenomenon is called"Regression to the mean", that is, if the parents have a high IQ, the children's IQ is not necessarily high.
We must be prepared not to impose our success on our children so that they do not get bored. It's like a classic line from the movie The Great Gatsby:"When you want to criticize others, remember that not everyone has everything you have"。Therefore, accepting that every child is different not only allows you to understand them better, but also protects your self-confidence.
Despite our best efforts to solve the problem, but"A flood of knowledge"Remains. The next time we give our children homework, we should at least be aware of that"I can't learn"It's not a big deal, it's a normal phenomenon, and you don't have to worry about it all day.
I hope that those of us who care for our children with all our hearts and minds can break it step by step"The curse of knowledge"to allow children to reach their full potential.