Ms. Kim's father died last year. She decided to take her mother into the house to live with her. In the beginning, everything went smoothly and the husband had no objections. However, as time passed, the conflicts in the family gradually increased. What started as displeasure turned into frequent and torturous arguments. In order for her mother to stay at home to support her elderly, Ms. Jin had to tearfully agree to her husband's three conditions. However, surprisingly, the mother said that she did not feel at a loss.
My surname is Kim and I am 38 years old this year. It's been ten years since I got married, and I'm gradually feeling the pressure of middle age. Now, I seem to be overwhelmed, old and young, and this has become the whole of my life.
It's okay to have a small "down, it's relatively easy to solve." As long as there is enough money, the child's life can be guaranteed. They are taken care of by the school when they go to school and eat, and we only need to work hard to earn money to ensure their quality of life.
But "there are old" is different. There are four elderly people in our family to take care of, including my parents-in-law and my parents. As an only child, my husband and I thought that our family would be happier and that we would be able to receive support and help from both parents. But the reality is that it also means taking on more responsibility, especially when it comes to pensions.
Since last year, my husband and I have been discussing how to take care of my parents. Until then, they had been self-reliant, especially their in-laws, who lived not far away, a twenty-minute walk to our house. And they have enough pension to take care of themselves completely.
But my parents were not as happy as they could have been.
Last year, my father died of illness. He had cancer, which was somewhat expected, but also unexpected. He was an alcoholic in his youth and did not change in his old age, which eventually led to stomach cancer. Despite the slim hope, we want to do our best. However, in the end, the husband talked to the father about the medical expenses and living expenses, and the father chose to give up**. When I learned about this, I was heartbroken, blaming my husband for not mentioning this to my father, but on the other hand, I felt that my father should have been informed. Eventually, his father returned home to be cared for by his mother, and his health deteriorated and he eventually died.
After the death of my father, family life needs to be replanned. Caring for a mother who lives alone becomes a priority. My mother was now the only one of my relatives left, and she was unable to live on her own, so I couldn't ignore her, so I decided to take her to our home.
At first, my husband didn't interfere too much with my decision, perhaps because my father had just passed away and he didn't want to hurt me anymore. But as his mother spent more and more time at home, his dissatisfaction gradually became apparent.
In the third month, he asked me for the first time, "When is your mother going to leave?" ”
I made it clear that I wanted my mother to stay at home to care for the elderly. He did not immediately object, but he did not gladly accept it, but chose to remain silent. Since then, he has quietly changed a lot.
The most noticeable change is that he often comes home very late. In the past, when the two of us lived, he never came home late, even if he worked overtime, he would let him know in advance, and then go home on time. But then, he came home every night for all sorts of reasons, coming back later than 10 a.m. five out of seven days a week, either overtime, partying with colleagues, or going to his parents' house. I sensed something was wrong and asked why, but I was even more upset that he was perfunctory and didn't really answer my questions every time.
We finally got into a fight over a trivial matter. The husband suddenly said what was in his heart: "Why does your mother stay here all the time?" Have you ever considered my feelings? You're at ease every day, and I'm nowhere to go. I can't do this thing at home, I can't do that thing, and even my parents can't come to see the child. ”
He confided the dissatisfaction in his heart, but I was puzzled and retorted: "My mother helps us cook at home, watch the children, and clean up, what are you not satisfied with?" Besides, my dad is gone, what do you want my mom to do alone? ”
He said indignantly, "Okay, let your mother stay, whatever she wants." ”
The quarrel ended hastily, although it was not resolved, but at least the problem was on the surface, and there would be no more hidden grievances. I couldn't get him to accept the fact that my mom had stayed, let alone let her go back to life alone. Can only barely continue.
A year later, the quarrel continued. Until one day, my mother heard our quarrel, took advantage of my husband's absence, called me to the room, and handed me a bank card: "There are 30,000 yuan here, you take it, and tell Xiao Wang in the future that I will subsidize your living expenses." I live here now, and this house was also given by his parents, and we can't take it for nothing. In addition, I want to go back to live, your dad is gone, and someone has to take care of the house. I'll come back when I'm no longer fit. ”
I reassured her that she didn't need to give money, but she insisted. Eventually, I said yes and told my husband exactly what she said. I thought he would be grateful, but I didn't expect him to say, "Only 30,000? Well, your mom stays. But I have three conditions: I will rewrite the above and change it substantially, but the meaning cannot be changed. ”
He made a few conditions, and I became more and more dissatisfied with them, so I began to ask him:
My mother has already taken the initiative to give 30,000 yuan, this money should not be given again, why should she give another 100,000? And my mother's house is hers, not ours, and shouldn't have been sold at all. ”
But he said unmoved:
Isn't her money, her house, all ours in the end? What is the difference between giving now or later? Besides, we're not rich now, isn't it normal for a family to help each other? ”
I couldn't explain it clearly, but in the end I returned the 30,000 yuan to my mother, and the matter reached an impasse again. My mother is well aware of the contradictions between our husband and wife, and has been persuading me by the side, and expressed her willingness to accept these conditions, all for the sake of the harmony between our husband and wife.
After much deliberation, I agreed to my husband. As Mother said:
This is fate, we also received a bride price when we got married, but I didn't expect such a change. Although we are a family, over the years, your father and I have rarely been involved in your lives, and our relationship is not deep. Now that he is old, he wants to rely on him for his retirement, and no one wants to change it. However, I don't suffer a loss, after all, my money and the house are ultimately yours. Now that you're in a better financial situation and doing well, I can enjoy a little bit of it. February** Dynamic Incentive Plan
I pondered my mother's words for a long time. Indeed, for many years of marriage, my husband and I have spent most of our daily lives with his parents. Financially and mentally, his parents are almost all in charge. In contrast, my parents cared very little about our lives, which doomed the relationship between my husband and my parents to be largely formal. It's a bit frustrating, but it's unavoidable. Now, my mother's attitude towards going to a nursing home has changed from her initial acceptance to her current opposition, and I can only maintain my husband's inner balance through financial support. This reality, while somewhat absurd, is helpless.
I considered disagreeing with his proposal, and I was going to go on with it. But whenever he wasn't at home, whenever we had a big fight, I always felt a little more unwilling in my heart. As for my mother's case, if she could really take care of herself and didn't need to be worried, I really wish she could live her own life, at least not let her live so hard.