John Rothmond said in The Terrible Two Years Old:Babies aged 1-3 years are the first embryonic period of self-awareness, and they like to do two things:Do things and make noises independentWhenever Terrible Two is mentioned, many parents are very mad.It's the worst of times, and it's the best of times. This sentence is really appropriate to describe a child's toddler.
But from the baby's point of view,Rebellion is precisely the baby's declaration of independence
When a baby is about two years old, after his self-consciousness is awakened, he will do something that you don't let him do and he has to do, and he will usher in the first period of resistance in his life.
In the first period of resistance, what will be the classic performance?
Obsessed with consistency
1-3 year old babies are very, very important for consistency.
In his heart, he demanded that everything be the same, the location, order, and way of placing the items, the route he walked every day, the ownership of the items, the time to eat, the process before going to bed, and so on.
If our parents destroy the consistency of the baby because of something, then the baby will lose his temper, cry and ask to do it all over again.
For example, my son's process before going to bed is to tell a bedtime story on the lazy sofa in the living room, then go to the bathroom to pee, then brush his teeth with light salt water, and then go to the bedroom to wear a sleeping bag, then drink probiotics, and then turn on the listener to listen to English audio, and listen to it and fall asleep.
In this process, there is a process that is not right, or the order is inconsistent, and the son will definitely cry.
Crying if you don't tell a bedtime story before going to bed.
Not drinking probiotics before going to bed will make you cry.
Before going to bed, brushing your teeth with water and not putting salt in your brushing teeth will make you cry.
Before going to bed, the listener will cry when the power is out and the audio cannot be heard.
And he had to do it all over again before he went to sleep, and sometimes he would toss and cry until late.
If parents and babies confront each other at this time, thinking that the baby is so disobedient, it must end up in a family war.
against you
Babies aged 1-3 years old like to work against adults.
Do parents think that the baby will always stick to the same pattern and work against you?
No, it's not.
The baby is working against you, but there are many changes.
Babies actually like to go against themselves the most.
Obviously he wanted it but said no, you didn't give it to him, and he broke down and cried.
One second you want to do this, and the next you regret it.
For example, if you give him a delicious cake, he shakes his head desperately and says no.
When you take the cake away, he immediately cries, and even cries so much that he can't breathe, and he will rush over and stretch out his hand to hit you.
If you give him the cake again, he still says don't want it.
At this time, maybe the parents are angry and think that the child is so weird, so they simply ignore the child.
I wonder why this baby keeps challenging my bottom line.
Not really.
The 1-3 year old baby does this, which is just a manifestation of his first resistance period.
Don't want to be offended
Babies aged 1-3 years old will fight each other in case of disputes.
In fact, the baby at this age, his attack, just does not want to be offended.
Because babies are in the early stages of self-awarenessThe protection of ownership rights is very important, including the body, toys, family, etc.
Parents will find that the baby does not let others touch his body.
It's not okay for others to play with his toys, touch them, let alone share them.
When my mother hugged other children, he was almost crying to death.
Even the baby will think that everything he sees in his eyes belongs to him.
Whenever anything he thinks belongs to him is violated, he will take defensive action to protect it as best he can, that is, he will hit someone.
Parents say, it seems that my baby is very selfish, is it violent?
Not really.
The baby is only at this stageThere is a strong sense of ownership of itemsNothing more.
Take control
Babies aged 1-3 want everything to be under their control.
He needs to make sure he can conquer those who are better than himself.
The first thing he needs to conquer is his direct upbringers, that is, his parents, or his grandparents who are raised by the next generation.
Babies at this stage especially like to give orders to other people.
Mom, you get me clothes. ”
Dad, you go cook, Mom plays with me. ”
Grandpa, I'm going to the park to play, you take me there. ”
Grandma, I want ice cream, you buy it for me. ”
Grandma, you sleep with me. ”
Grandpa, don't look at your phone. ”
Give orders to the adults, and if the adults are very cooperative, the baby will feel a strong sense of control and autonomy will be exercised.
However, if the adults don't cooperate, and they think that the little kid is still commanding me, then it will become a parent-child contest, and in the end, both sides will lose.
Among the three periods of resistance in life, the first period of resistance is the best to deal with.
We just need to use some very simple little methodsTurning rebellion into independence, let the baby smoothly through the first resistance period.
Method 1: Limited options
It is quite difficult to get 1-3 year old babies to choose, they either choose all or neither.
However, the limited options are relatively simple for babies.
Because babies who are in the stage of self-awareness development like to have a sense of control over things.
For example, if you give your baby a bath and you ask him, "Shall we go take a bath?" ”
The baby said, "I don't bathe. ”
You ask him, "When are we going to take a bath?" ”
The baby said, "I don't bathe. ”
You ask him, "Shall we take some of your favorite toys in the shower?" ”
The baby said, "I don't bathe. ”
He may refute everything you raise with a "no".
So, give it to him at this timeThe right to choose
What are the limited options?
Baby, do you want to bathe with the ducklings or with the dinosaurs? ”
What you limit is that he wants to take a bath, but what kind of toy he chooses to bring with him in the bath, no matter what he chooses, he is going to take a bath.
Limited options, giving him only two options at a time, and those two options are acceptable to our parents, then our purpose has been achieved.
Method 2: Divert attention
Babies aged 1-3 years have a fairly short attention span and are easily disturbed by the outside world.
For example, your baby is concentrating on playing with blocks and building a house, and you have an urgent need to go out to meet friends.
If you say directly to the baby: "Mommy is going out now, quickly put down the blocks, and we will go out." ”
The baby must be crying and refusing, splashing and rolling, and must play with building blocks at home.
Because he is very excited to do something, and you forcibly interrupt it, he must be unhappy.
And at this stage of the baby, if you ask him any advice and ask him to do anything, he may say "no".
More often than not, it is customary to say "no" in order to rebel against parental authority.
What can we parents do?
It's very simple, just tell him that you can take his blocks with you when you go out, and find good friends to play with.
The baby's attention is easily attracted by good friends, and maybe they forget to bring the building blocks when they go out.
So you see, babies are actually quite coaxing, aren't they?
Method 3: Be clear about the requirements
For babies aged 1-3 years, remember not to reason too much, because he can't hear.
At this stage, the baby actually understands a lot of truths, but when he is emotional, he will deliberately work against you.
If you reason with him, you will only hook up your own emotions, and the situation will get worse and worse.
In fact, the easiest way for parents to do isBe clear about your point and make your requirements clear
For example, when it's time to eat, you shout that your baby is still playing with toys for a long time, or he says he doesn't want to eat.
You might just crouch down next to him and tell him, "How can you do it without eating?" We have to eat, if you don't eat, you won't grow taller, and your body will get sick, you see that the last time you were hospitalized with a cold, you just didn't eat well, and your resistance was too poor, so you got sick, you have to eat well, and we will enhance our resistance after eating, so you don't have to go to the hospital for injections and medicines.
Balabala said a lot, but the baby was indifferent.
Why? The truth you have spoken bitterly is useless to him.
All you need to do is clearly state your request, "You ate the meal" or "Come over and eat, eat and play", and that's it.
Method 4: Cold treatment
Cold treatment is to calm down the baby's emotions, and also to calm down the emotions of our parents.
But when it comes to cold treatment, we parents must have a boundary.
Cold treatment ≠ neglect
Some parents are young and vigorous, and when they say that the baby is doing something against me, I ignore him and let him know that I am angry.
Some parents will go to an extreme in cold treatment, the more you make trouble, the more I ignore you, and wait for you to calm down.
Do you think your baby can really calm down?
Maybe the baby will calm down, but he is not emotionally calm, but he may be scared, afraid that his parents will not want him anymore.
1-3 pairs of babies are still very attached to their parents.
If parents treat the baby in a long-term way of "if you are disobedient, I will ignore you", it will make the baby's young mind become very nervous, anxious, worried, and afraid.
This long-term negative emotion can affect your baby's mood, self-confidence and physical and mental health later in life.
Cold treatment is that parents and babies share a space, always pay attention to the baby, and let their emotions calm down first, don't needle to the baby, wait for both parties to ease their emotions and then discuss what to do.
John Rothmond saidIn fact, 1-3 years old facing the first resistance period is not terrible, as long as our parents understand the growth of the baby at this stage, know how to use scientific methods, conform to the baby's physical and mental growth law, will definitely raise a healthy child, good parent-child relationship.Around the age of two, parents begin to guide their children through the most important changes, and the parent-child relationship changes accordingly. They went from the 'season of service' to the 'season of authority' of parenthood. If the year's transformation is successful, then they will transform the child into a responsible member of society. ”
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