When I was a child, I thought that marriage was the answer to love, as if a relationship entered the safe zone as long as it entered the marriage, and there would be no more extraneous branches. Unexpectedly, after the age of thirty, I found that the wedding ring was worn on the finger, and those who wanted to change their minds would still change their minds, and those who wanted to cheat would still cheat. Only then did I realize how naïve I was when I was a child.
Sometimes an affair doesn't have to be a loss of love
Rather, different stages of life have different psychological needs
Many of my married friends are mired in some kind of indecent or distorted relationship.
Some people have been married for less than two years and have already slept in separate rooms, playing dating software without telling each other; Some people are evading the problem in the name of "openness."
A friend who has endured her husband's cheating for many years after marriage, and she has too much to let go, so she has not considered divorce so far. It's just that she often asks, if my husband doesn't love me, why did he marry me in the first place? 」
I think there are many reasons why an affair happens, sometimes it's really because the relationship has deteriorated, and sometimes it's just because you have come to a different stage of life and have different psychological needs, which makes the affair more attractive.
These 6 key stages of life
The other half is the most likely to have an affair
Recently, best-selling author and professional psychological counselor Lin Cuifen has released a blockbuster new book "Insight into People's Hearts from Affair", in which she has summarized the 6 key stages of affair that are most likely to occur in her rich experience in counseling.
01.After having a child
In the process of consultation, I have experienced too many husbands having affairs during his wife's pregnancy, and I have seen my wife who is pregnant with Rokka, and I went to find my husband in a taxi from place to place, and after finding it, I was yelled and scolded by my husband, and I was so aggrieved that I washed my face with tears all day long, and I couldn't sleep, and I was really worried that my wife would do something to hurt herself.
There are also wives who after the birth of the child, all their attention is shifted to the child, and they are not interested in intimate sex, on the one hand, they feel that their importance has been replaced by the child, and on the other hand, the sexual needs have not been met for a long time, so they give themselves a reasonable reason for having an affair.
02.When you are unemployed
According to the American Sociological Review, men are at the highest risk of having an affair during the unemployment stage, with a 15% chance of taking money from their partner, which threatens potential male virility, and having an affair is one of the ways for men to regain their virility.
In fact, whether men or women, long-term unemployment at home, it is easy to lose self-confidence and sense of value in themselves, feel that they are worthless, when people lose their sense of accomplishment at work, it is possible to shift their attention to other places where they can immediately get a sense of accomplishment, at this time to develop a relationship, not only will you feel your charm and value, but also get warmth and comfort.
03.Dating apps
After the popularity of dating software, it has caused a lot of affair incidents, and many people will find a chat partner through dating software to re-experience the feeling of falling in love.
04.After getting sick
In order to grasp the time to do what they have thought about for a long time but have not been doing, or feel that they have not lived for themselves, they may suddenly make a major choice in life, let go of the goal that they have worked hard for a long time, or resign rashly, or talk about a love that is not blessed or allowed.
05.A family member has passed away
After the death of an important family member or friend, some people will feel very lonely, feel that no one understands them, grieve the loss of the spiritual support they have relied on for a long time, and the partner cannot replace the importance of the other party, in order to find new spiritual sustenance, and develop a new relationship.
For example, a friend who was close to his mother, because he could not face his mother's death, chose to escape, and under the interweaving of guilt and anxiety, he indulged in the emotion of an affair, and constantly tortured himself with anxiety and guilt.
There are also people who are inspired by their deceased family members and friends, see the regrets left by the other person's life, and want to avoid the same regrets in the future, and decide to cheat emotionally.
06.The process of starting a business
Many people will crave respect and admiration after starting a business, and then feel the value of success, if the partner does not change the way they treat him in time, it is possible to develop another relationship that satisfies the need to be admired.
There are also people who have new working partners after starting a business, and the two sides often fight side by side, and then develop revolutionary feelings.
There are also people who need a variety of human and economic resources after starting a business, and at this time, if someone reaches out in time, based on gratitude, it is also possible to develop a relationship.
Partner's heart change is detected in time
Understand his needs and warm up his feelings
If you notice that your partner's recent behavior pattern or way of speaking is not the same as before, you may wish to understand what the needs behind the change are, and update the interaction mode in time, which may bring new possibilities to life.