Sanmao:NoDeadI want to get married,suicides
Living in the Sahara and the freedom to travel the world came to an end on the eve of her fiancé's death. The grief of the unexpected death of her beloved husband while diving is like this.
In her life, joy and sorrow are intertwined, and she is the writer Sanmao. Perhaps, fate favored her too much, making her short life full of magnificence. Or perhaps, fate played a merciless joke on her, whenever happiness seemed to be within reach, but ruthlessly pushed her into the abyss.
Her wish is only to hope that people can last a long time, but unfortunately, this beauty is only a short stay.
Sanmao, formerly known as Chen Maoping, has been withdrawn and stubborn since he was a child. When she was 3 years old, she took it upon herself to change the word "mao" to "ping", as if to foreshadow the twists and turns and ups and downs of her life.
Despite showing a high literary aptitude, she was not liked by her teachers in exam-oriented education because her whimsical ideas did not meet the requirements of educational management. However, Sanmao did not give up on herself because of this, she found her own spiritual home.
Her works, such as "The Story of the Sahara" and "The Rainy Season Will Not Come Again", have deeply touched readers and become the spiritual food for Chinese people around the world. Her life, although full of ups and downs, is full of tenacity and courage.
Sanmao's story tells us that everyone has their own uniqueness, and we can't change ourselves because of other people's opinions. Only by insisting on oneself can one find one's true self and find one's own spiritual home.
Sanmao's ideals surprised the teacher, and she hoped to become a waste picker to discover the beauty that others discarded. Although other children wrote about professions with high social status, such as teachers, lawyers, and military personnel, Sanmao stuck to his ideas.
This upset the teacher and asked her to rewrite it. In math class, Sanmao still sticks to her own path, but her test scores have not been satisfactory. However, Sanmao found that the questions given by the teacher were all from the workbook she was familiar with, so she memorized the answers in the order of the exam, and she got a full score.
However, this aroused the suspicion of the teacher, and she asked Sanmao to retake the exam. When the exam questions were no longer in the order that Sanmao was familiar with, she handed in a wrong paper again, which made the teacher even more convinced that she was cheating and painted ink stains on Sanmao's face.
How should children withstand insults and bullying from teachers? Sanmao began to have a fear of school, and every day of school he would feel depressed and panicked. In this case, his parents decided to put him on leave of absence.
Sanmao at home did not waste his time, his mother was an extremely gentle and intelligent lady, as a housewife, she always tolerated the family members with the greatest love and patience, giving everything for them.
She and her husband saw Sanmao's artistic talent, so they looked for a famous teacher to teach him, and Sanmao began to find inner peace and his own talent in painting and literature.
At the age of 21, with the permission of the president, he came to the Department of Philosophy of Chinese Culture University to audit, and he further explored the meaning of life and the logic of the operation of the world in philosophy.
However, at that time, the social atmosphere in Taiwan was depressing, and Sanmao, who had always been maverick and yearning for freedom, felt that he could not survive in this social system. Coupled with a failed relationship in college, he decided to go to the West to study.
In 1967, 24-year-old Sanmao went to study alone at the University of Madrid in Spain. Her unique oriental exotic style, free-spirited personality and rich knowledge have won her the love of her friends in a short period of time.
In her lonely heart, the company of a group of friends made her feel the warmth of home. It was also here that she first met José, who was her future husband.
At that time, Jose was still an 18-year-old young man, and Sanmao was already like a blooming red rose, exuding a mature charm. Sanmao once wrote: "I was a beautiful woman at that time, and my laughter was like a spring flower, enough to touch everyone, no matter who he was." ”
Jose was deeply attracted to Sanmao, and even though he was too young to make any commitments, he still asked Sanmao to wait for him for six years, when he was able to take on the future of the two of them.
Faced with the affectionate confession of this little boy who was much younger than himself, although Sanmao was moved, he didn't take it to heart.
In the long river of time, some things are unpredictable. Sanmao, a person walking on the road, her life has changed too much, and these changes have filled her heart with doubts.
Her encounter with Jose was so beautiful, however, time flies, and when they meet again, they have long become strangers. Sanmao chose to leave, she wanted to find a new life.
However, fate always likes to play tricks on people, and just the day before her happiest, her fiancé died suddenly. Her grief is unimaginable. However, life goes on.
So, Sanmao set off again and went to Taiwan to start a new life. However, in her heart, there will always be someone waiting for her, and that is the boy in Spain.
His waiting made her feel warm. And she will continue to move forward to find her own happiness.
A friend told Sanmao excitedly on the other end of the ** to hurry to a place. Sanmao, who didn't know what was going on, hurried over and was pulled into a room blindfolded.
Soon after, she heard the door open, and was embraced by a warm embrace. This is José, who has finished his studies and has become a young and strong young man, who still remembers the foreign girl of his youth.
The reunion with Sanmao made her feel pleasantly surprised, and he didn't want to miss the muse in his life again, so he launched a passionate pursuit of Sanmao. Sanmao was deeply moved by his persistence, and the two came together naturally.
On the eve of the proposal, Jose asked Sanmao what kind of person he wanted to marry, and Sanmao jokingly said that he wanted to marry a rich man. Seeing Jose's lost expression, she said cautiously and sincerely, if the two of them really love each other, it would be good to have enough to eat.
José fell into deep thought when he heard this, and then asked Sanmao if he had eaten much. Sanmao cautiously replied that it was not much, and that he could eat less in the future.
José abandons his career plan and follows Sanmao to her telepathic Sahara, where the two marry in the desert and live an ordinary but surprising life.
Under Sanmao's pen, the daily life of her and Jose is recorded, showing a warm and interesting picture of the life of the two. In the desert, there is a scarcity of living materials, the wind and sand are strong, and their dwellings lack many things, so they often go to pick up the discarded items of others and transform them into furniture and decorations.
For example, chairs made of tires, wall decorations made of animal bones, etc., their humble rooms were gradually decorated with warmth and atmosphere. Sanmao realized his childhood dream and became a waste picker.
The most touching thing is that Jose has always understood and supported her, and accompanied her to realize those wild imaginations.
The two experienced different cultures in the desert, attended a traditional local wedding, and lamented the bride's loss of freedom and chastity at a young age. They met black slaves in the homes of wealthy men and formed deep friendships.
However, when this slave was sold elsewhere, they could not hold back their tears. Sanmao found ** in the vast desert, and she used delicate words to describe the sand dunes like sleeping female ketones, showing her inner peace and the frugality and hardship of desert life.
Her works such as "The Story of the Sahara" and "The Rainy Season Never Comes" based on her personal experience caused a sensation as soon as they were released, and her freedom and freedom aroused the yearning of many young people, making her a well-known writer.
However, fate once again cruelly robbed her of her happiness. Jose is a diver, and although Sanmao is afraid to go into the water, she will stay on the shore every time Jose dives until he is safely ashore.
She and Jose went home hand in hand until one day, Sanmao's parents came to Africa to visit them. When they left, Sanmao sent his parents to the airport, however, Jose had an accident while diving, and the treatment was ineffective, and he left this world.
On the way to the airport, Sanmao learned the bad news of her husband, and instantly felt at a loss and on the verge of collapse. But with the encouragement and support of her parents, she immediately rushed to the scene.
However, it was no longer José's warm embrace that greeted her, but a cold corpse. According to a recorded interview with Sanmao before his death, the body of her husband Jose was placed in a small wooden house.
She hugged Jose's cold body tightly and kept confiding in him, reassuring him not to be afraid, and walking towards the place where there was light. She told José that although she could not leave with him, she still had her parents by her side and that he had to wait for her.
So, for the next three days and three nights, Sanmao did not eat, drink, and stayed by Jose's side without sleep. She wiped her tears for herself and the blood and tears from her husband's eyes.
Later, she consulted a friend who was studying medicine, and the friend explained that after a person dies, the capillaries in the eye rupture, and this is normal. Although there is a scientific explanation, in Sanmao's eyes, it is her husband's deep reluctance to her.
This experience convinced her of the existence of the supernatural, and also planted the seeds for her to seek psychological comfort through psychic in the future.
Jose is buried in the same place where he and Sanmao once lived, the Canary Islands, and his figure will forever guard the home where they once lived together. Sanmao's parents took her away from the desert, ending her more than a decade of wandering life and returning to Taiwan to reunite with her loved ones.
In the process, she lived for her parents and friends, and the pain in her heart often led her to the idea of dying. Friends sensed her pain, and her friend Qiong Yao had an in-depth exchange with her for seven hours, and finally, Sanmao shed tears of gratitude and promised her to live strongly.
Although she promised not to commit suicide again, her heart was still full of gloom, and she devoted herself to work, teaching college courses, hoping to fill the void of her thoughts with her busy life.
The love and support of her parents made her feel warm. Once, she saw a small and delicate house to **, and she liked it very much. Although her savings were not enough to buy it, her elderly parents did not hesitate to buy this small house for her, so that she could have a warm home.
Although the love of relatives and friends made her feel relieved, the grief in Sanmao's heart could not dissipate. The pain of missing Jose led her to try channeling and even perform in public and in front of friends.
This is a kind of spiritual sustenance, but also a kind of psychological comfort, which allows her to be temporarily calm. However, the sadness still frequently invaded her, making her thinner and thinner, and her mind withering.
From the mouth of a friend, she learned the story of Wang Luobin, and was moved by his bumpy life experience and deep nostalgia for his beloved wife. Both have experienced the departure of their beloved, and both have experienced the twists and turns of life.
This resonance made Sanmao feel a unique connection with Wang Luobin, so she traveled thousands of miles from Taiwan to Xinjiang, hoping to meet him.
The two talked very happily at first sight, although there was an age gap of more than 30 years, but this could not stop their in-depth communication, and in the end, they became New Year's friends. After Sanmao left Xinjiang, she maintained correspondence with Wang Luobin, in which she sincerely expressed her feelings for Wang Luobin, saying that it was sympathy for the same disease or deep sympathy, and Sanmao's lonely heart burned the flame of love again.
However, Wang Luobin took into account many practical factors, so he could only keep his distance from Sanmao, he himself was over the age of old, how could he drag down this beauty because of his momentary emotions.
But Sanmao, desperate, came to Wang Luobin's side again, and even stayed at his house. Looking at Wang Luobin's cold home, Sanmao purchased a lot of items and decorated it warm and bright.
However, in the face of Wang Luobin's resoluteness, Sanmao eventually left Xinjiang and returned to Taiwan. Soon after, the news came that Sanmao had hanged himself in the hospital.
Sanmao's death was not due to incurable diseases, but only ** diseases, and he could be discharged from the hospital after three days of recuperation. But sadly, the day before she was discharged from the hospital, ** found her hanging herself in the hospital toilet.
Although her sister insisted that Sanmao pursued beauty during her lifetime and could not have chosen to end her life in this way, after a medical evaluation, it was confirmed that she committed suicide because of her misanthropy.
Jose's death has always left a deep wound in Sanmao's heart, and perhaps even earlier, the unfair treatment she suffered at school had carved a rift in her heart.
The trivial things in reality consumed her life little by little, and the concern and guilt for her parents also stumbled her to death. After 12 years of struggle, she finally chose to reunite with Jose.
Sanmao once described such a scene in the book: in the middle of the night, she woke up and saw Jose sleeping next to her, and her heart swelled with a feeling of sadness and love.
Perhaps, in moments of extreme happiness, people will have an inexplicable fear that such happiness will suddenly disappear. She shook José awake, and José looked at the tearful Sanmao in a sleepy haze, and heard it from her mouth for the first time"I love you"These three words.
They embraced each other in that calm night, tears flowing with happiness. However, after Jose's death, this warm routine became a sharp blade that constantly hurt Sanmao, and finally took her life 12 years later.
By now, they should have been reunited. Although Sanmao has passed away, her pursuit of freedom and love of life still move today's readers. People miss Sanmao, not only because of her wonderful and poignant life story, but also because through her, we can recall the yearning for endless possibilities that we lost in our daily lives.
The length of life is limited, but words can travel through time and space, passed down from generation to generation, and continue to touch more people.
The silence of a summer night, with only the whisper of the breeze blowing through the leaves, is the most moving music of nature. The bright moonlight sprinkled all over the earth, like a light silver veil, gently covering all things.
It was a beautiful summer night, full of tranquility and harmony.