My name is Li Nan, and I have been married for five years, but my married life has made me miserable in the past five years. At first, Zhao Ming and I were sweet and sweet, En**. At that time, Zhao Ming was considerate to me and full of enthusiasm for life. But over the past few years, Zhao Ming has gradually changed. He began to get lazy and spend his days at home doing nothing. I advised him to work more overtime and try to earn more money to improve his life, but not only did he not listen to the persuasion, but he often missed work for no reason to sleep at home or play games. 
I watched Zhao Ming's condition deteriorate, and the pain in my heart was beyond words. Our life is getting more and more difficult, but he doesn't think about his family at all, he only knows how to eat, drink and be merry. I worked like a cow for my children and family, physically and mentally exhausted, and Zhao Ming had nothing to do all day. I had hoped that Zhao Ming would change myself, but after all these years, I finally felt completely hopeless about him. I really wanted him to regain his passion, but he had lost his life, and my efforts seemed to have been in vain. Watching Zhao Ming sink day by day, I couldn't do anything, and I was left with deep disappointment and pain in my heart. 
Zhao Ming's work attitude is really bad, he only earns two or three thousand yuan a month, and he often absents himself from work at home for no reason. Every time Zhao Ming said that he wanted to take leave, I advised him to cherish his work and not be absent from work all the time. But he apparently didn't care about my advice at all, and went his own way. Whenever he was absent from work at home, I saw him sleeping leisurely, playing games, watching TV, while I still had to work hard with my children, and my heart hurt as if it had been cut by a sharp blade. Once, Zhao Ming took a week's off work and slept at home blowing the air conditioner. I couldn't stand it, so I persuaded him: "You have been absent from work for a week, and the money comes from?" What about the expenses at home? Zhao Ming said confidently: "It's only been absent from work for a week, what's the big deal, anyway, the salary will be paid, don't be verbose." I immediately turned red and couldn't help but ask him loudly: "Don't you think about your family?" If this goes on all day, our lives will only get harder! Zhao Ming turned a deaf ear and continued to play his game. 
Every time Zhao Ming was absent from work at home, my heart was full of anxiety and pain. I worked hard for my family, but he only knew that he was happy. Obviously, he is the husband and father, but he is completely irresponsible and wastes his time all day. I really feel sorry for Zhao Ming's work attitude, but he doesn't reflect on it at all and corrects it, and still goes his own way. How I wish he could get back to his responsibilities, but he doesn't seem to care at all about my feelings. Zhao Ming only gave me 1,000 yuan a month for living expenses, but he didn't stay at home at all. 
My monthly rent, water and electricity bills cost more than 1,000 yuan, and I save money on groceries and cooking, but I am still short of money. Sometimes there are cheap vegetables in the vegetable market, and I don't dare to buy too many for fear that I won't be able to eat at the end of the month. Zhao Ming knew that the situation was so difficult, but he never gave much to the family, and all the money he earned was spent outside. When my child was sick and needed to buy medicine, I had to use my savings, and Zhao Ming never took the initiative to give money. I used to urge him to make more money, but now I'm so disappointed that I don't mention it anymore. I take care of all the trivial things in life. 
After Zhao Ming went home, he never looked at what he needed to buy at home, and it didn't matter if the electrical appliances that should be repaired were broken, it was all up to me to figure it out by myself. I take care of the children, cook, do laundry, and carry all the housework by myself, like a cow pulling a mill alone. Sometimes I was too tired, and I would ask Zhao Ming to help take care of the children on weekends, but he always put it off. I watched him play outside, and my heart was like a knife. He didn't care about everything in the house, I was exhausted, and our lives were getting worse. How I wish Zhao Ming could care more about his family, but he still goes his own way. I had to take on all the responsibilities alone, but I was also tired, really tired. 
One day, Zhao Ming suddenly said that he wanted to ask for leave, and I asked him suspiciously to go to **, and he actually said that he was going to the county seat to participate in a friend's drinking bureau. I advised him that the current situation at home is not well-off, and the epidemic prevention is also being carried out outside, so he should not go out and waste money. But Zhao Ming didn't listen to me, and asked for leave to go out the next day. At eight o'clock in the evening, Zhao Ming called me **, with a voice of alcohol, and asked me to immediately remit 200 yuan to him, saying that there was no cash on the drinking bureau. I said to him angrily, "You have the money to go out for a drink, so why should I send you money?" Zhao Ming was annoyed and angry, saying that if I didn't send him money, I wouldn't go home. 
My eyes were red, but for the sake of the child, I still reluctantly sent him the money. The next day, Zhao Ming returned home with a shy face. I looked at him without guilt, and my heart was like a knife. Our family is already in trouble, and he only knows that he goes out to have fun, and he doesn't think about his family at all, and he doesn't care about my pain at all. How I wish he had been able to restrain his spending, but he still went his own way and squandered my hard-earned money. After this incident, I was very disappointed in Zhao Ming. I think of the bits and pieces when we first got married, how considerate Zhao Ming used to be to me, but now he has become a person who only knows how to spend money regardless of his family. 
How I wish he had changed himself, but he's gone. I felt like an ornament, and I felt like he didn't care about it anymore. For Zhao Ming, I really feel hopeless. I took my kids to the park for a day of play, and I was having fun and being tired. In the evening, I bought new slippers and towels for my children and went home happily. Unexpectedly, as soon as he entered the door, he saw Zhao Ming sitting in front of the computer playing games, and there were still his leftover dishes and chopsticks on the table. I took a closer look and it turned out that he had eaten the eggs and instant noodles I bought yesterday for breakfast! Not only that, but the bastard didn't wash a bowl after eating, so he started playing the game leisurely. 
I was trembling with anger and heartbreaking. Our family was so poor that he had wasted all the ingredients I had worked so hard to save, and he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with him. I really want to slap him in the face and make him understand how difficult the situation is at home right now! But the thought of the child's presence made me hold back. I could only yell at him with red eyes: "Zhao Ming, are you still a little sensible?" Hurry up and wash the dishes for me! "That day, I went to the vegetable market and bought 4 watermelons to take home, ready to enjoy them with my children. 
As soon as I put the watermelon on the table, Zhao Ming came over with a knife and cut the fattest one without hesitation and ate it. I watched with wide eyes as he moved, and he was so justified that he didn't feel anything wrong with his actions. I couldn't help but say, "Zhao Ming, how can you eat the watermelon I bought without asking?" Zhao Ming still stuffed watermelon in his mouth, and said vaguely: "I'll just eat one, what's the big deal, don't be verbose." "I'm going to blow up, is this still what my lover should be? I worked hard to buy it with my savings to treat my child, but not only did he not know how to understand, but he also ate most of my hard work so naturally. I couldn't hold back anymore and scolded him loudly: "Zhao Ming, why are you so selfish? Hurry up and wash the dishes for me! Zhao Ming didn't seem to hear me, and ate the second watermelon by himself.
I looked at his unrepentant appearance, and I felt nothing but despair. How did this person who once loved me become this ruthless and unrighteous now? I couldn't help but cry bitterly, tears brushing down my face. These years of life have made me completely disappointed in Zhao Ming. I often see hard-working husbands in the community who take the initiative to help their wives with housework and children after work, and I envy them. Looking back at her husband, he is simply a mud that can't hold up the wall. Sometimes I even think that it was a mistake for me to marry Zhao Ming in the first place. I could have found a hard-working, responsible man who could have lived a happy and fulfilling life.
And now I am planted on a lazy and selfish person, doing the work of cattle and horses day in and day out. How much I used to love Zhao Ming, but he completely disappointed me. He has fallen to what I think is the bottom of society, just a puddle of mud. I began to hate my former self, the self with eyes on his heels, why did I choose to marry Zhao Ming? Sometimes I even want to divorce Zhao Ming like this, maybe I can start over. But for the sake of the child, I endured it. I really hope that Zhao Ming can turn back into the person who loved me and loved me before, but he has collapsed, and my hope has been dashed.
I'm really miserable, so tired, what should I do? The trivial events that have happened over the years truly reflect the serious family conflict between me and Zhao Ming. Zhao Ming's lazy work, regardless of his family, and his squandering of money, all of which made me very disappointed in him. I have endured so much pain in this marriage that I am physically and mentally exhausted. I worked hard like a cow and a horse, but Zhao Ming was completely inconsiderate of my efforts, and his laziness and selfishness made me feel hopeless. I really hope that Zhao Ming can change the status quo and become a responsible person. But he was already in a state of decline, and my efforts seemed to have been in vain. There are so many contradictions in our marriage that I am already considering the possibility of divorcing him. These years of life have allowed me to see Zhao Ming's true face. I felt that my choice was a mistake, otherwise I could have lived a happy life. What should I do now? I was really tired and miserable. February** Dynamic Incentive Program