"When people have problems in their marriages, or when there is a crack in their relationship, they don't face up to the problem, but they put all the blame on their partner, and even blame themselves. "I hear stories like this a lot. Even my own failures and my marriage itself. This practice is clearly unfair and untrue.
Marriage is a relationship of mutual commitment and responsibility that requires both parties to work together and operate. When something goes wrong in your marriage, don't blindly blame your partner, but first look inward and find the cause in yourself.
John Gottman, a famous American psychologist, pointed out in his book "Happy Marriage" that in marriage, if one party has problems, the other party will inevitably be affected. Because marriage is a whole, it needs to be maintained and controlled by both parties. When things go wrong in a marriage, it's often not the fault of one person, but the fault of both parties.
For example, if a person experiences communication problems in a marriage, it may be because neither partner knows how to express their feelings or needs, or neither partner really listens to what the other is saying. Not here. In this case, it would be unfair to put all the blame on those who cannot speak out. Both parties need to rethink their communication styles and learn how to speak and listen better.
For another example, if a person has infidelity in their marriage, it may be because both parties feel estranged and the relationship is cold, or it may be because one party is dissatisfied with the relationship. In this case, it would be unfair to put all the blame on the person who committed the affair. Both parties should look at their relationship, get to the root of the problem, and work to repair it.
Of course, problems in marriage can also be caused by problems with the other party's vision, character, and moral character. You shouldn't put all the blame on yourself at this time. But we can't simply put all the blame on each other. We need to consider whether there are problems with our vision, character, morality, etc., and whether these problems are affecting our own behavior and attitudes. Only by getting to the root of the problem can we solve the problem better.
When we encounter problems in our marriage, we should first look at ourselves and find the reasons in ourselves. We should not place the blame solely on each other. At the same time, you can't put all the blame on yourself. We must look at the problem objectively, find the root cause of the problem, and strive to solve the problem. Only in this way can a healthy and stable marriage be established.