A friend complained to me: "I hate myself a little, I can't talk with my brain, I'm always very impulsive, I have a temper when I get on fire, and I regret it when I calm down and think about it afterwards, and now I have a tense relationship with my colleagues, and my family ignores me." I feel like I'm too failed, how can I change this kind of uncool, impulsive problem? ”
Impulsively encountering things and speaking without thinking about it is actually a lack of emotional awareness.
The ability to be emotionally aware can be divided into four levels.
Level 1: Unknowingly.
Unconsciously people do not have a clear understanding of what they say and do to themselves, and of course, if they do something wrong or say the wrong thing, they will not be aware of it. Unless reminded by others, I am not aware of it. However, this kind of person does not live a very tiring and miserable life, because he does not think that he has said or done something wrong, and is always in a state of ignorance.
The second layer: hindsight.
As for the people who are late to realization, just like the situation described by the friend earlier, they are unaware of emotions, they can't talk with their brains, and they let emotions lead their noses. Then, what should not be said is said, what should not be done is done, only to realize afterwards that I said the wrong thing and did the wrong thing. This kind of person will be much more painful than the unaware person, because of course he does not realize that he said the wrong thing, but he does not need to be reminded afterwards, he will soon realize that he will regret and blame himself. The most painful thing is not one or two incidents, but every time, this kind of unaware at the time, and regretting afterwards, the emotion is repeated, although I also think that next time I must pay attention, how to do it, but when it comes to the end, it is still the same.
The third layer: be aware and be aware.
He who is aware is awake. At the moment when the emotion comes, I can immediately perceive it, and at the second I want to lose my temper, I have a clear understanding of my state, I know, now that the emotion is coming, I know that I shouldn't be angry, I have to keep an equal heart, ignore it, ignore it, and do what I have to do with awareness, so that the anger will disappear. I don't need to hurt others by losing my temper, and I don't need to hold my anger in my heart to hurt myself.
Level 4: Foresight.
Prophetic foresight, only a few people can do it. It requires great wisdom, and it needs to see the underlying logic behind things through appearances. Even in the face of adversity, you can be calm and unmoved.
For us ordinary people, it is indeed not easy to reach the fourth level. It's already good to be able to reach the third level and become a person who is aware of it.
If your state is still in the first two levels, which is a state of unawareness and hindsight, you can use Anapana to help you change and become a person who is aware of it.
Anapana is a way to help us become more aware by observing the way we breathe. Breath accompanies life all the time, it happens all the time, it is real, and it is a good object to observe. The way we breathe represents what we look like inside us, and it changes with the fluctuations of our hearts. When the breathing is steady and light, it means that the heart is calm, if the breathing becomes rapid and heavy, then the heart must also be ups and downs, crazy and turbulent.
As long as we quietly observe the breath, all negative emotions will dissipate in one breath and no longer interfere with our mind. A mind that focuses on the present moment will have the ability to be aware of it.
For those who want to practice Anapana, you can refer to the book "Emotional Self-Help", which has a detailed explanation of Anapana.