Li Kuan.
Investigation of family conflicts and disputes has become a key task
During the Spring Festival, the investigation of family conflicts and disputes has become the key work of rural cadres. The Spring Festival is supposed to be a time for thousands of families to reunite, how can it become a period of frequent contradictions. They said that there have been several vicious murders recently, and the impact is relatively large. For example, a woman in the southwest region found a local lover and followed her all the way. When I was playing in the local area, I posted a circle of friends, showing my place of residence, and my husband found out about it. At that time, the man's family was having dinner and beat her husband and kicked him out. The husband was so angry that he went to the shop to buy a few knives and returned to the man's house to vent his anger, resulting in four deaths and two injuries. Also, the local woman found a lover in a neighboring county, and after her husband found out, he and his brother went to question him. As a result, the husband and brother were killed, and the man was executed, leaving behind three broken families.
The above two cases are the more extreme tragedies caused by extramarital affairs. In the villages, there have been similar cases, but they are individual cases and do not reflect the whole aspect of society. But now, there is a high incidence of extramarital affairs in rural areas, and the divorce rate is also rising. Men have lovers outside, and women think about family and children, mostly noisy, and then go into the default state. If a woman has a lover, it mostly ends in divorce. Of course, some men are more cowardly and do not dare to divorce their wives knowing that they have a lover outside. Because after the divorce, he can no longer marry a daughter-in-law. In the past, extramarital affairs were a secret of the village, and the villagers would only say it cryptically when they quarreled. Now, it has become a public talking point, and some of them can be joked about in person.
If the two sides can get together and disperse, or if the families of both sides are just arguing a few words, it will be a social problem at most, and it will not become the focus of the work of the village cadres. Vicious cases caused by extramarital affairs have become a problem of governance, and it is necessary to prevent them in advance. The work is a big headache for the village cadres, who know at most who has an emotional dispute and the possibility of retaliation, but it is not clear when and where it will happen and how to control it. This kind of thing is also difficult to arrange, and it can only be understood from the side. Extramarital affairs and divorce are shameful things, who wants to hype them up and answer them positively. Some village cadres think that the most they know is to report the information they know, but they don't know how to deal with it. I can't resolve the resentment in their hearts, nor can I let them reunite, let alone find a new marriage for them. If you are removed from your post because of a vicious incident, you can only consider yourself unlucky.
At present, for many villages, family conflicts and disputes involving feelings have become the number one problem in governance, and a lot of governance resources have been consumed. Because of the vicious occurrence of extramarital affairs, it is not only a local occurrence, but also often heard when conducting research in other regions. This can't help but make people wonder what is wrong with young people now, they will not live if their material conditions improve, whether this is the liberation of the individual or the sinking of the family.
Young people who will not live
A closer look at young people who have had extramarital affairs reveals that they have common characteristics, one of which is that they cannot live and have difficulty maintaining a family. In terms of age, it is not small; Mentally, it's not big. Carried away by passion, there is only oneself in one's eyes, and no one else; Enjoy the moment, not the long-term.
Only care about the selfish feelings of children and ignore the family. The word "private feelings" between children is very subtle, the feelings between men and women are "private", but they are only a matter between individuals, and it must be elevated to "public" in order to be stable and recognized by society. The family is a system, and it has to go through a series of procedures and processes before it can be stabilized and maintained. In the early stage of starting a family, there will be contradictions, and there will be run-ins. After the conflict, the relationship pattern of the family will stabilize. In family conflicts, it is difficult to distinguish between right and wrong, and it does not have too serious consequences, always spent in a noisy fight. However, because of private affairs and extramarital affairs, the situation has changed a lot. The person concerned only considers his personal feelings, regardless of others, and ignores the interests of the family as a whole, just to make himself happy and satisfied. If the relationship between the husband and wife is broken, divorce first and then find a good partner, which can gain everyone's understanding. Many people have an extramarital affair before divorcing, and the person who made the mistake does not admit that he is wrong, but says that the other party does not love him. Those who have not made mistakes think that they have suffered a loss, and some do not want to divorce, so they will naturally make a fuss, and the whole family will be miserable and unpeaceful. These extramarital affaires only see themselves and no one else, and they can't see the hard work of their parents, the silent endurance of their spouses, and the full expectations of their children.
Just for the sake of momentary pleasure and reckless consequences. These people who have extramarital affairs only have immediate enjoyment and no long-term plans, let alone more serious consequences. Men think that the red flag in their home is not falling, and the colorful flags fluttering outside the house, and they have a good income at a small price, which is the performance of successful people. Women think that the man in front of them is better than their husbands, and they say nice things to give money to spend, and they don't feel angry, and they don't have an annoying mother-in-law. Perhaps, they were happy at that moment, but they didn't think about whether this way of getting along would last, what the children would do, and how their husbands or wives would react when they heard about it. Perhaps, they were "happy" at that moment, but there were also bitter fruits waiting for them.
Only anger is fragile and not buffered. When they hear that their wives are having extramarital affairs, many men become angry and do stupid things. There are several reasons why they are impulsive, one is that they paid a high bride price to marry a daughter-in-law, and they feel deceived. Nowadays, the bride price is relatively high, and rural families have to empty their families in order to marry a daughter-in-law. finally married a daughter-in-law, but didn't have a bad life with himself, regardless of his own family, but with others, it was unbearable. The second is that it is difficult for him to remarry after divorce, hoping to save his wife. In the case of high bride price and more women and boys, the possibility of a man with children remarrying is relatively low. Women in the second and third marriages can be the first to marry, and it is not easy for a man in the second or third marriage to marry a daughter-in-law. Men hope to cut off their wives' relationships with others through violence and let them return to the family, but the manifestations are more extreme. Third, under the influence of traditional concepts, it is necessary to safeguard the dignity of men.
Now, extramarital affairs are frequent, divorce rates remain high, and marital relationships have become fragile and insecure. It turns out that there is a considerable amount of time from the meeting of men and women to the marriage, which is convenient for both parties to understand and inquire, and if they are not satisfied, they can withdraw from the marriage. Nowadays, marriages are mostly fast-tracked, and the time from marriage to marriage is very short, and there is not much time for both parties to get to know each other. Under the conditions of high bride price and difficulty in marrying a daughter-in-law, the man finds a similar woman and is eager to get married immediately. After marriage, I found that the two people were not suitable, and immediately divorced, which did not feel very good; will live on it, and I feel that I am in a loss, and I have cheated before I have found a suitable way to deal with it. In times of change, young people are more focused on individual experiences and less concerned about what others say. At the same time, the external restraining force is declining, and the influence is greatly reduced. If you talk about it through relatives, you are still familiar with each other, and you will make peace when you encounter conflicts. In the case of professional matchmaking, others only make introductions and do not interfere in their married life. The opinions of parents and in-laws are only for reference and are not too binding. Others either have no motivation to persuade or no ability to persuade and can only let it develop and live their own lives. For many young people, it is difficult to live a good life without accumulating life experience and knowledge without leaving school. Many boys don't know how to treat people and things, and they don't understand the etiquette of life; Many girls don't know how to sew and cook, and they don't have the skills to live in life. In their eyes, as long as they live happily, nothing else matters.
Children of "second marriage".
For children who are affected by extramarital affairs and live in second-married families, it cannot be described as "pitiful" alone. They don't have a happy childhood, and they may no longer have a happy life. If a parent has a criminal case because of an extramarital affair, the children will live in a strange light and will not be able to remove the negative label for the rest of their lives. They will also be very fragile and have low self-esteem. If the parents are divorced, the child's life will also be greatly affected. In rural areas, divorce leads to enemies, and it is very unlikely that a husband and wife will raise children together. The two families will accuse and abuse each other and take their anger out on their children. I met multiple daughters who lived with their fathers, and my grandmother often said nasty things to her granddaughter, and when she was angry, she said that the children were just like her mother. Girls feel aggrieved without maternal love, and grandma's scolding will make her even more rebellious, and there are many people who drop out of junior high school. If the child follows the remarried mother, it is difficult for them to integrate into the new family, and they will always belong to the marginalized people, and some will be raised by their grandparents and grandmothers for a long time. These children are love-deficient from an early age, have a thirst for love, and want to be cared for and cared for. Therefore, they are more likely to fall in love with others and trust others more easily than ordinary people's children, and in the end, they are physically and mentally hurt, they no longer believe in anyone, they no longer believe in love, and they live their lives as gangsters. Therefore, an unstable marriage not only harms one generation, but also the next generation. In elementary school, these children do not show up obviously, but by junior high school they will gradually show up. They crave friendship, but they are often deceived and betrayed, and in the end they are at a loss and live in melancholy.
Some extramarital affairs are stopped in time and divorce does not occur, which can also have an impact on the lives of the children. After an extramarital affair, it is inevitable that the husband and wife will quarrel, and the children will always think more after hearing it, and the most intuitive reflection is the decline in academic performance. When encountering this kind of thing, most children do not know how to deal with it, thinking about it all day long, and some will get involved in it and directly conflict with the "third party". In such a situation, it is difficult to guarantee that they will pay attention.
At the time of individuation, it seems that the individual is free to live according to his own vision. But it has an impact on others everywhere, and his irresponsibility needs others to pay for it. If even the family cannot be defended, it will really become an atomic society. If only self is left, it doesn't matter how much life is left.