Since the birth of their son, even if they have wronged themselves, they will try their best to take care of their son in life, fully support their son financially, and try their best to satisfy their son spiritually.
The son who grew up in the happiness pile often speaks to the aunt and the aunt with accusations and boredom, and does not take the aunt and the aunt seriously at all, and everything is based on the daughter-in-law's mother's family, which makes the aunt feel sad.
It is said that there are many young people like my cousin nowadays, who do not know how to respect their parents, and the older they get, the more they despise and dislike their parents.
This reminds me of a questionnaire survey I once read at a research institute:
Who do you look up to the most? ”
The children of China, the United States and Japan gave the answers, which showed that:
In the minds of Chinese children, the father is ranked last (10th), and the mother is ranked 11th;
In the minds of American children, the first is the father, the second is Jordan, and the third is the mother;
In the minds of Japanese children, the father is also the first and the second is the mother.
As a Chinese parent who attaches great importance to family education, how do you feel when you see that the most disrespectful people for our children are their own parents?
Actually, after every child is born, they areLove and respect your parents, because parents are a safe base and an omnipotent presence for young children.
Many parents obviously give all their love and energy to raise their children, but why do some children get older, the more their parents have no place in their hearts, and they are bored and look down on their parents? What causes this?
1. The more parents give, the more they want to control
Parents do pay a lot for their children, but children are people who have an independent life, an independent personality, independent values, and the right to choose.
But many parents are too controlling, they often don't care about their children's abilities, and like to compare.
Always force the child to study what major, what kind of object to find, what kind of life to live, to meet what he thinks is the right values, and even weakness.
Because they do not respect and consult their children's opinions, they always like to stand on the moral high ground, in the name of "for your good", coerce or even force children to obey their own opinions and preferences.
This desire to control often allows childrenLack of sense of worth, thinking that they are worthless, sensitive and inferior, lonely and depressed.
Children themselves do not have the experience of being respected by their parents, so how can they have the heart of respecting and thanking their parents?
2. Over-doting and pampering children
After some parents have sons, the status of their sons in the family is getting higher and higher, but the status of their parents is becoming more and more humble.
Most of the family's income is spent on the son, everything is based on the son's wishes, and the son's wishes are met as soon as possible.
Because of excessive doting and indulgence of children, over time, the son will mistakenly think that his parents are for him, exist to meet his own needs, and he is the center of the family.
Such sons are also oftenProfit-seeking, accustomed to asking for parentsThey often do not attach importance to the affection with their parents, only focus on their own interests and desires, and pursue money and material comforts.
When one day he encounters something unsatisfactory and unpleasant, and his parents cannot satisfy him as in the past, he will vent his anger on his parents at will.
3. Children who are very firm in their hearts
There is a foreign proverb:
Young people believe many fake things, and old people doubt many real things".
This sentence vividly illustrates the contradiction between parents and childrenIt is caused by psychological differences caused by differences in age and experience.
Just like when I was in school, the Internet was not as common as it is now, and in the eyes of parents, children who go online are bad learners, and they will develop Internet addiction and will desperately stop it.
But with the development of the times, the Internet has now become an essential survival skill for human beings.
Due to the different growth environment, age and experience, there is a "generation gap" between the two generations.
For example, some young people feel that their parents' views are outdated and cannot keep up with the development of the times, and they are more willing to follow the pace of the times themselves;
But parents hope that through their own life experience, their children will not take the detours they have taken.
If your child is determined in his heart, and it happens that your life experience is not successful, exciting, and does not bring him substantial development and help, they may not follow their parents' wishes and will go their own way, but this does not mean that he does not respect his parents.
The children of my relatives, whose parents are ordinary workers, emphasize stable people.
The child did not want to find a job after graduation and wanted to start his own business, but his parents disagreed, thinking that he was not doing his job properly, so he asked him to find a unit to work.
Regardless of the opposition of his parents, the child opened online classes and sold courses, and in more than 2 years, he earned an income that his parents could not earn in several lifetimes, and his relatives really changed their views on their children.
Therefore, parents should also keep pace with the times, learn more, do not always interfere with their children with their own experience, and allow their children to go their own way.
Of course, parental love, while great, is not unconditional, it also needs to be reciprocated, especially by the respect and understanding of the children.
Therefore, if your children do not respect you and do not take you seriously, I suggest that you do so:
First, be clear about your feelings and expectations with your children
If your children often make things difficult for you, dislike you, and reprimand you, you must have a bottom line and principles for patience and concession, and you must not swallow your anger, but clearly express your feelings and expectations.
My aunt took care of her son in Shanghai, and her daughter-in-law always disliked this and that, and her son sometimes followed her daughter-in-law to accuse my aunt.
For example, the old aunt bathes the child in a basin, and every time she washes the basin very clean, and the child likes it very much, but the daughter-in-law says that the basin is unhygienic and asks the aunt to shower the child;
The aunt bought snacks for her grandson, and the daughter-in-law disliked the snack additives she bought, which made the aunt feel very uncomfortable.
The old aunt thought about it, it will take several years to take the child, and if she keeps denying herself like this, she will have to be depressed.
One day she made a table of meals that her son and daughter-in-law liked and told them:
I'm old, and some things may not keep up with you young people's eyes, but my heart for children is the same as yours.
If you approve of the way I take care of the children, I will continue to help you take them, and if you think I am not good at taking them, I will go home and you will find the right person. ”
Since then, the son and daughter-in-law are no longer as picky as before, denying it, showing the old aunt's face, and telling the old aunt good words when there is something.
Therefore, occasional patience and concession in front of children is the cultivation of one's own qualities, but it cannot be without bottom lines and principles.
Secondly, if the communication is fruitless, temporarily withdraw your father's and mother's love
If the communication is fruitless, and the children still do not respect you and do not take your hard work and love to heart, then temporarily withdraw their love.
Temporarily withdrawing love does not mean cutting off the relationship with children, nor stopping giving, but you need to adjust your way of giving, for example, don't give unreservedly to your children, help your children when they need it, live their own life if they don't need it, take care of their own body, and let their children feel the preciousness and conditionality of their parents' love.
At the same time, taking back the father's love and mother's love is also a chance for the children to growLet them learn to respect others, cherish the contributions of others, and make them more responsible and compassionate.
Finally, know how to love yourself at all times
When people reach a certain age, they should stop paying for their children, which is just a kind of self-touching in their hearts.
A netizen shared her experience on the Internet, after her son got married, she often went to her son's house to clean up, wash clothes for her son and daughter-in-law, and cook, but every time she did this, she did not get her daughter-in-law's good face.
Later, she decided to do something of her own, went to the university for the elderly, and sometimes went on short trips, and lived a fulfilling life.
When she posted her life in the circle of friends, her son and daughter-in-law gave her a thumbs up and left a message:
Mom, you're amazing, and I'm going to be like you when I'm old. ”
On her birthday, her son and daughter-in-law wrapped her in a big red envelope.
The above **all** on the Internet, please contact to delete the infringement).
Netizens only understood at this moment that they should let go of their son and daughter-in-law to live their own lives, exercise more, and take care of themselves and their wives' bodiesSpending more time on your own life and the things you are interested in will gain more respect from your children.
In short, children who know how to respect their parents are the greatest success of family education, and children who have parents in their hearts are the greatest confidence of parents.
I am a nursery mother, concerned about maternal and child health, children's parenting and education, and look forward to your support and attention!
February** Dynamic Incentive Program